


There before me was the Pale Horse; T'Varka's Children

by Thirteen_Winter_Vixens



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - Dark, Assassination, Consensual Underage Sex, Empath, Family Issues, Heavy Angst, Hurt Jim, Hurt Spock, Kid Jim/ Kid Spock, M/M, Neglect, Psychic Bond, T'hy'la, Top Spock/ bottom Jim, Torture, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-04
Updated: 2016-10-12
Packaged: 2018-05-31 07:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 29
Words: 85,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6461857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thirteen_Winter_Vixens/pseuds/Thirteen_Winter_Vixens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Federation was about to battle the most powerful society to ever challenge them. Vulcan had been attacked, it's forces even with their inner knowledge were slowly losing, along with their cousins from Romulus. MACCO and Star Fleet has just joined forces hoping to lead the charge with their allies. </p><p>Spock, First Officer of Captain Christopher Pike is now placed in the position of second in command of the best star ship in the fleet. A position he both respects and never asked for. It isn't until the Assembly that his father interrupts, trying to discreetly drag him out that everything changes. It would have been well-achieved if not for the odd fact that father and son hadn't spoken in private for a number of years. Spock had, to all those aware of him, distanced himself greatly from his clan though no one knew the cause.</p><p>What Sarek came to show him privately, however, showed up on the PADDS littered throughout the hall. No one could quite tell what it was at first but Spock knew instantly. </p><p>It caused him to slump, ungracefully, back into his chair.</p><p>It was only Nyota Uhura who noticed the widening of his eyes and a flicker of true human emotion across his face; shock and absolute guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Until Death Do Us Part...

**Author's Note:**

> This is just the preview for the coming story. I hope you guys like it.

He looked both ways before crossing the street and entering the building. A shadow slipping through the night.

Making his way up the flight of stairs took little time and he nodded at a few of the late-night workers slowly coming down the staircase. He was silent too silent and there were a few people who turned in his direction. None stopped him too tired, none of their business or simply just not giving it another thought. Either way he stepped out onto the top floor and walked across the office cubicles uninterrupted. Luckily for them.

Holo's were flickering with financial news and the moon was just becoming visible over the city's towers. The night was still busy though hover cars dotting here and there. People were passing on the walkways below looking insignificant through the glass windows, ignorant, blissfully unaware of one of the galaxy's darkest beings passing them by.

For a moment he felt a lurching feeling a longing- longing for everything that once was. For who he had once been for those hands...

He blinked the view outside morphing into nothing more than reflections of the room and it was gone.

He was who he was and nothing could change that. He stepped through a no-entry door and made his way further into the modern building. Scaffolding and tarps were still up. Robotic tools were idle ready for their timers to go off at a scheduled time. The air was crisp and cool, the dust only broken by his footsteps.

Not for the first time that night, he felt his heart pick up. Whether he was nervous or frightened or even excited he couldn't tell. He didn't know what he felt about finally coming to his last test. He only knew what he had to do to complete it.

Coming to the last window on the east side he braced himself for the wind that breezed against him. The floor length windows were bare leaving a forty story drop below him. Seemingly fearless, the man stepped right to the edge as if ready to jump out.

He didn't instead he set his gaze quite intensely on the other side of the street. Lights scattered throughout the expensive hotel. Swiftly his eyes sought his target's suite; it took merely moments for his prey to take shape as they appeared in the windows. He set up swiftly with sure, practices motions. There were no thoughts tormenting him, no doubt in himself, there was nothing but a calm, resolute plan.

The silver glinted in the light of the moon and from the lights from the city. The slight hum was welcoming almost too loud in the silent, unoccupied portion of the building. He knelt on the floor, instantly covered in a coat of fine dust and wires dug into his knee.

There were three humanoids in the suite. The woman was smiling, she was always smiling and that hadn't changed, dressed in a blue dress she spoke excitedly about something to her companion.

The man's breath caught slightly as his target excused himself walking on the balcony, it was a perfect shot.

He took a breath and took aim.

It was almost as if fate itself had lined up and welcomed the murder of first love.


	2. Welcome to San Francisco

Jim woke up with a bruise on his side and a headache blaring for his attention.

Quietly, he made his way to the door and looked down the hall. His mom's bedroom door was shut and he breathed a sigh of relief. Running to the bathroom he quickly went through his morning routine before changing out of his pyjamas. He was further relieved to see Sam and Frank in the kitchen making pancakes.

Frank glanced at him heavily, his eyes showing all his guilt and pity. Then in a flash, it was gone and Frank smiled at him.

“Morning kiddo, Do you want extra chocolate chips or cinnamon with berry syrup?” It was a hard decision and Jim jumped up on the stool and finally said, “I'll take the cinnamon.”

“Good choice, good choice.”

Frank waved the spatula at Sam and said, “You can learn something from your little bro, Sammy.” Sam rolled his eyes, flicking through his comic on his PADD. He just snorted in response and took a large bite of his gooey chocolate pancake.

When Sam finally caught his eye, Sam nudged him and Jim smiled in response. “Wanna play with me and Liam after breakfast?” Sam asked for the first time. Jim nodded without hesitating.

Frank was still smiling when he passed Jim his pancakes and Jim dug in hungrily. 

The morning was fun. Liam, while giving Jim a look, did just shrug and let him join in a game of soccer with the rest of their group. Jim, surprising them all, including himself, managed to take a pass from Sam and score the winning goal for their team.

Sam grinned at him and gave him a high five.

“Alright, you can be on my team all the time," Liam said before pulling him in for a a head lock.

Telsi, an Adorian, came to his rescue by tackling Liam. Jim fell from the two of them hitting his side and Sam stood laughing at the sight. The rest of the team playfully ran over to try and 'save' their teammates. Jim laughed too, right before he jumped up and tackled Sam.

Being bigger and taller, Sam rolled him over and proceeded to stuff grass and mud into his face.

“How do you like that, huh? That's what you get for trying to take on your betters.” Jim puffed and squirmed. He was once again saved, but this time by Anderson and Taylor. He sat up only to have mud thrown at him by Emily.

She laughed and he immediately began chasing her. The mud fight lasted the rest of the morning and everyone agreed to head over the lake to wash off all the dirt. The lake was more of a small man-made pond. It was large and deep, on one side were cliffs the older boys liked to jump off, the other had a small rough sandy shore.

On hot days like this it was common to have families lounging in chairs, either sunbathing or having lunch. When their loud group tore through, it was indeed busy, though not overly full. Sam and Liam made sure to wave at all the people either glaring at them or shaking their heads. Jim just shook off his shoes and ran into the cool water. Everyone ran after him, squealing and laughing.

Jim made sure to scrub his face and hair good and laughed as Emily and Taylor screeched from the boys splashing water at them and trying to dunk them. Jim managed to get Liam back by kicking a wave of water in his face.

After a few more minutes of playing, the girls walked back to the shore and laid by their shoes. It took a few more minutes for the rest of them to join.

Jim felt very tired. His leg was starting to cramp and he made his way to the beach fountain and made sure to drink more than he usually did. Still breathing hard, he ran his hands over his dripping face and made his way to sit by Sam. Liam looked over at him while wringing out his shirt.

“Jim, pass me your shirt and I'll hang it by ours,” William called. Jim glanced at Sam who looked confused at his hesitance. A second later Sam's eyes darkened in understanding.

“Go on, Jimmy.” Sam said, sounding reassuring.

Jim took off his shirt and wrung out the blue fabric. Shaking it, he then passed it to a staring Ben. “What happened to your side?” Jim glanced down seeing his bruise had turned an angry purple black, it still hurt and ached with how many times he had fallen on it today.

Emily was frowning over at him, looking worried. “It's really big.”

“Why didn't you tell us you were hurt?”

“Ah man, I totally hit you there earlier. I'm sorry Jim.”

Sam stood and lightly pushed Jim to sit down. “Don't worry guys. Jim just fell last night. Stupid trick nearly sent Frank to the hospital for a heart attack.”

Jim started down at his shorts, damp and sticking to his legs. He watched as the water slowly dripped from the cuff. He couldn't stop the startling wave of sadness, guilt and fear that went through him, he could feel even more from Sam.

Emily and Taylor sat down next to him, both telling him to stop being such a boy and to take care of himself better.

Within a few minutes, he no longer thought about last night and instead was listening to Zane tell Emily about his last summer vacation.

The twelve of them broke up after their clothes were dry, it was after lunch and all of them were hungry. Liam invited the both of them to go with him and Ben to the movies and Jim hurriedly excepted.

Sam and Jim slowed as they approached their house. The car was outside, which while wasn't unusual, currently it was packed with boxes. Frank came out and stopped for a moment before trying to smile at them. It didn't come as swift or as wide as his regular smiles though, instead it turned into a sort of grimace.

Jim started to panic just as he glanced at Sam who looked similarly pale and wide eyed.

Jim ran up to Frank and asked hurriedly, “You're not leaving are you?”

Sam walked slower, heavy stepped and worried. His voice was calm but underlain with fear, “Mom's not making you leave us right?”

Frank gaped and shook his head. Putting the box down, Frank drew them both in and hugged them tightly. “No, no. You guys aren't getting rid of me that easily.” Frank knelt down and looked them both in the eyes.

“Listen. We all know your mom is a little sick right now. She's a got a few months of leave right now so we're all going to go to San Francisco for a little while so that she can take a break.”

Sam frowned and asked, “All of us?”

Frank frowned, looking older than he had a few months ago. “The three of us. Just for a little while.”

Sam and Jim looked at one another and Jim tried not to feel guilty. He could tell Sam didn't like like this and he could feel that Sam blamed him for it.

“What about the movies tonight?” Jim asked biting his lip. Frank looked sadly at him and then brushed his hair fondly. “We have to leave Jim. But don't worry we'll be back for your school in September.” Frank hugged them again and took the box to tie it to the car.

Sam went inside to comm his and Jim's friends explaining that they were going on a surprise vacation.

Jim hugged his knees and tried to look in the door window for his mom. Winona's voice murmured from inside and he stood to listen. He caught a few words, love you, be careful, I'm sorry.

Jim managed to catch her holding Sam tightly. Her face was blocked from him but her hair was messy, still not brushed from this morning. He stepped away right before Sam came out.

Sammy sighed when he saw Jim and just shook his head.

The car ride to San Francisco was longer than what it could have been. On the shuttles it only took forty-five minutes to an hour. Since they were in their mom's hover car it would take three and a half hours. Jim was just grateful that Frank had decided to leave the red corvette at the farm.

Apparently, it hadn't been able to fit all their clothes and nicknacks that Frank had thought they'd need. It was cramped and Sam got to ride in the front.

Jim shifted and tried not to feel so guilty as Sam sighed again.

By the time they arrived, both boys were plastered to the windows. They hadn't been to San Francisco since Frank had moved to Riverside five years ago. Jim didn't really remember when they had lived here but Sam did and pointed out the familiar diners and museums.

“Look Jim, that's where we had your birthday party. I wonder if those Tellarites still live above the restaurant?” Jim gave him a mumbled response.

He had been two years old when Winona had met Frank. He had been four when they got together officially. Though they had never married, Jim considered Frank his dad. He had always been there to tuck him in and hold him to make him feel better.

Sam used to be more helpful himself, but recently started pushing him away. Frank said it was part of growing up and needing your own space. Jim thought Sam was just being stupid.

The apartment they were living in was nice, it wasn't overly large but it was cool, painted in greys with red and black furniture. They settled in quickly and soon Jim was placing his few books beside his bed on the table. His room was small but neat, furnished like the rest of the house, the window overlooked a busy street full of townhouses, cafes and boutiques.

It was the exact opposite of what he had woken up to just that morning.

With the sun just beginning to set, Frank stuck his head in the open doorway. “Hey Kiddo, do you want to join Sam and I for dinner or would you rather us bring you back something?” Jim took a few moments to decide and then said, “You guys can bring me back something. I want spicy chicken.”

Frank looked like he was going to say something, that dull pity had come back into his eyes and Jim forced himself to look away as his heart rate picked up.

He heard Frank quietly leave after a few more seconds. He sat on his new bed for a few minutes, his side aching when he absently flopped down stretching the bruise.

It was his fault they were here.

His fault that had broken his arm a week ago and missed the time to leave for camp. He was supposed to be with Nikki and Lynn right now in Washington like every summer. Jim felt a wave of guilt and loneliness rise up. They were familiar emotions to him now.

It was his fault that his mom had pushed him. He had sought her out, knowing he wasn't supposed to. Knowing that Frank had told him long ago to give her space.

Though he had been taken to the hospital and had a bone knitter on his arm, he had fell out of bed in a nightmare last night. Landing on the arm lead to it throbbing again and he had thought maybe he re-injured it.

His mother had been staring out the backyard doors.

It should have been the clue he needed not to disturb her.

Instead, he had foolishly called out to her and when she didn't answer he had stepped closer to her. “Mom, I fell again and I think I hurt my arm...Mom...do you know where dad put the medkit?” She had finally turned to him but the overwhelming grief and anger made him step back.

“What did you say?” She whispered.

She came at him quickly. Screaming, she called for people that he didn't know and for his dad...his real dad. And then she had slapped him and pushed him so hard he had fallen back into the coffee table.

Before he could do more then gasp in shock, his heart racing from what was happening, she had grabbed something when he had moved, trying to get away from the broken glass and her.

Right when he turned though she had hit him and he yelled in pain.

“Mom, stop! Stop! I'm sorry!”

“They're dead! They're all dead!”

She was sobbing and flinging herself over him trying to hit him. She pulled his hair and cried, hit him again hard while she screamed.

Frank had come running, hearing the noise and he had pulled her off him.

Jim huddled on the floor, terrified she'd come after him again. Crying, he managed to look up to see Frank giving her a hypo. Quickly, he scrambled up and holding his side, he noticed the glint off of a snow-globe that had fallen out of her hand. Frank looked shocked and worried and quickly told him to go to bed.

Jim turned on his good-side trying to banish the memories of last night. Mostly his mother was kind and smart and she knew everything there was about Star Fleet. She had been getting better but she had experienced her third ship crash earlier that year. It had been a bad one. He still remembered Frank pacing the living room and not sleeping or eating. Sam had actually let him sleep beside him which showed how worried his brother had been.

Jim knew it was bad but no one told him what happened. He was too little to understand it. At least that's what they told him. He remembered his mother tucking him in last year. She had even kissed him on the forehead and read him a story. It was the first and only time he could remember her holding him for longer than a second since Grammy had died three years ago.

Sighing, Jim got up and walked around the apartment. It was old, older than most of the buildings in San Francisco. Probably mid-twenty first century. That means it survived the Dark Period and Third World War and the Eugenics War. He whistled to himself.

This building had survived the bombing of San Francisco. Something that must have been some kind of miracle.

Deciding to see if the rest of the neighbourhood was as old, he took the key card and put on his jacket. It was dark but not too late yet, locking the door behind him Jim made his way down the staircase and out into his new city. The was lively and well lit.

Everyone was laughing, having dinner outside in the nice temperature. The cafes were still busy and the smell of coffee and exotic meals made his stomach grumble. He walked around the block seeing shops for clothes and shops for chocolate and off-world spices. He found a nice park just a few blocks over where the houses were large and soon he was back into a even busier street with bigger restaurants.

The city just kept going and street after street there was something new to see. He was staring up at a statue of the first contact when he turned a corner and knocked into something.

“Ouf!” Automatically, he reached out held the arms of a boy his age.

“Sorry, I wasn't looking. Sorry.” Jim blinked and then noticed that the boy wasn't a boy, he was a Vulcan.

Jim gaped as he felt excitement and fascination. “Wow, you're a Vulcan. I've never met a Vulcan before, and I've never see one my age. I have an Andorian friend and a sort of nemesis Tellarite but that's okay because we both like to bug each other. Sorry again, I'm Jim. Who are you? Do you live here? It'd be cool if you did. I..I might be living here.” Jim just realized that he was babbling and still holding onto the Vulcan.

He quickly let go and smiled brightly. The boy blinked looking extremely confused.

They were both silent for a few moments and Jim unknowingly cut the boy off when he was about to speak.

“What's your name?”

The boy shut his mouth, frowned and then said, “I am S'chn T'gai Spock.” Jim nodded and silently tried to repeat that.

“It's nice to meet you Shhhin Taga Spock.”

The Vulcan tilted his head and looked behind himself.

When he turned back he said, “Humans find Vulcan difficult to pronounce, most Vulcans will go by their middle names. I am called Spock for my common name.” Jim blinked and then smiled again. “It's like how I'm called Jim.”

“Jim is your name.”

Jim rolled his eyes and laughed. “My name's James. James Tiberius Kirk.” Spock's brow rose and Jim continued, “Everyone calls me Jim, though. My dad nicknamed me it.”

“Nicknames are illogical. You have a name already.”

Jim snorted and looked up as he saw a woman approach them. Pretty, tall and graceful, she looked down at them. “Spock, who is this?”

“Hi,” Jim said once more making Spock's brows lower, “I'm Jim. Are you Spock's mom?”

She smiled and looking between them said, “I am. Are you here with your parents Jim?” He looked around at where they were and noticed how nice the restaurant was. He shook his head, “No, my dad with my brother right now. I'm just looking around.”

She frowned at him but Jim was looking back at Spock again.

“Do you live here?” He asked again, his eyes moving over the alien features. Spock glanced at his mom and she smiled a bit encouragingly. Spock then replied stiffly back to him, “I am here for the summer. My father has business on Terra.” Jim nodded and then looked at Spock's mom. “I'm here too, though I don't know how long. If you want we could hang out?”

Spock's mom jumped in and said, “That'd be lovely Jim. Where do you live?” Jim glanced down on his key card and read the information. “Fifteen-thirty-six Park Dale Avenue.”

Jim glanced behind him and pointed to the corner. “Three rights to the fountain and then four more turns to the park and then a couple blocks north.” Jim looked back and saw Amanda's wide eyes. He knew that look and gulped. Looking at Spock only made Jim feel more uncomfortable.

He shuffled his feet feeling a wave of shame and worry. “I'm sorry.” Both of them looked down at him and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

“Well if you're free sometime it'd be cool. I...I got to go.” Jim turned and then was surprised to feel a hand on his shoulder.

“Why don't I give you a lift? I'm sure your dad is wondering where you went off to.” Surprised, he felt relieved. Every time someone had looked at him like that, he always got in trouble. He hated feeling like he was doing something wrong.

Narrowing his eyes, he said, “You're not like a creeper mom are you?” She blinked and then laughed making Spock look up at her. “No, my name is Amanda Grayson. I'm the wife of Sarek who works for the Vulcan government.”

“Oh.” Jim had heard of Sarek on the news. “He's part of that council right?” Jim scratched his ear but really couldn't remember what it was called. There were enough councils on earth to remember in his classes.

She nodded. “C'mon, Spock and I will drop you off.” Jim followed them to their hover car and buckled himself in, once more excited to get to know Spock better.

“How old are you? I'm seven, I'll be eight next year.” Jim asked, twitching a little with renewed excitement.

Spock didn't look at him as he answered, “I am ten.”

Jim hadn't expected Spock to be as old as his brother. “Wow, you're short. I hope I'm taller when I'm ten.”

“I am the same height as you are.”

Jim spoke without noticing, “Exactly.”

As the Vulcan glared at him, Amanda laughed and Jim held up his hands in defence. “Vulcans age much slower than humans, Jim. Although, Spock will definitely sprout after a few more years. He has a very tall family on his father's side.”

Jim nodded taking this in. “That's how that Commander T'eski lead his people for two hundred years before retiring. He was super old.” Spock now raised a brow at him and asked, “You know of Commander T'eski?”

Jim nodded eagerly, “Oh yeah, at camp last year we learned all about the great wars of the last century. It was so cool. T'eski kicked butt. If General Johnson hadn't been an asshole with his ego the Federation would have been forged three years prior to what it was.”

“First off, language Jim. Second, who told you that the great General was mean?”

Jim snorted and said, “Admiral Henry Johnson.”

She laughed and Jim smiled.

Jim turned to see Spock looking the same as usual. “C'mon, that was funny. He made fun of his great grandfather. You got to admit an Admiral doing that is rare.”

“Vulcans do not show emotions, James. It is not our way.” Spock replied.

Jim frowned and then said, “Why not?”

“We seek to control our emotions, to live our lives by logic and reason.” Spock was looking at him the same way Jim was staring at him.

“Um...okay.”

That seemed to surprise Spock and Jim finally realized that while Spock's face always stayed the same his eyes lightened or darkened. His brows also moved just slightly and Jim made a note that if they did hang out he'd need to be constantly looking at Spock to see these very small details.

“You are very illogical.”

Jim grinned and replied cheerfully, “I know. I actually get told that a lot but it's on the lines of..you're being crazy or...that makes no sense. I'm a total mystery.”

That made Amanda chuckle and Jim watched as Spock's lips twitched just a bit.

As they drew near his new house, Jim saw the car was back and he knew Frank and Sam would be worried. “Thanks for the ride. It was really nice meeting you Amanda and you Spock.”

Jim turned to Spock and reached for his comm. “Here, I'll give you my number that way if you decide you don't like me you can just not comm.” He showed his comm and then thinking about it he said, “You should write it down though, it would be rude for human customs because we generally accept numbers or information before  throwing it away.”

Spock's eyes darkened and his brows came in just an inch, Jim tried to tell what he was feeling but didn't know him well enough to deceiver it. “I do not need to write the numbers down as I have eidetic memory. Why would humans accept information in which they do not need or wish for? Would it not be more prudent to-”

“Spock, Jim, sweetheart, you gotta get going. If I let you you two talk more we'll be here all night.” Amanda turned to smile at both of them and Jim tried to hide his blush.

“Sorry, okay.”

Amanda facing them said, “How about I'll call your comm and ask your dad when your free? You two can meet up later this week? I'd say sooner but unfortunately both I and Sarek have to work and Spock has a few essays to write.”

Spock looked ready to say something but stopped himself so Jim spoke excitedly.

“Sounds amazing.” He grinned at Amanda and then clapped Spock on the shoulder. “I'll see you later!”

Jim quickly got out and made his way to his door. He never noticed Spock frowning and staring after him.

Frank was extremely worried. He yelled at Jim for a few minutes before pulling him in for a tight hug.

“Don't ever run off like that Jim. Anything could have happened to you. You're seven years old not seventeen and please, please answer your comm next time I call.”

“Sorry, I had it on silent. I didn't even realize it.” Jim hit the button and it showed fifteen comms all from Frank over the last fifteen minutes.

Frank sighed, he put Jim's spicy stir fry in the heater and then said, “After super, straight to bed. And since you nearly had me calling the police on the first night here, no desert.”

“C'mon, dad.”

“Nope. You can have it tomorrow.” Jim sighed and dug into his stir fry.

He was brushing his teeth when Sam appeared in the door way, excitedly he said, “Guess who we bumped into in town?”

Jim, mouth full of toothpaste just shrugged.

“Marie and her parents.” Sam said grinning and Jim hummed for his response.

“Yeah, I know,” Sam replied easily, “they got back from Hawaii two days ago and she's going into a program here for some kind of astronomy stuff. It does actually sound interesting though.”

Sam drew up his PADD and turned it to show him the stars and brilliant colours of the galaxy. “It's three times a week for the rest of the summer. I think Frank will let me go too. There's only one space left though.”

Jim shrugged again not particularly interested and gave his brother a thumbs up. Sam smiled in response then he frowned and said, “Don't run off okay. We all love you and it was scary when you weren't here.” Sam pointed a finger at him right before he spit out his toothpaste.

“Don't be stupid. You're in the same classes as me so I know you're not.”

Jim nodded and said okay, right before he took a gulp of mouth wash. Swishing it around, he saw Sam nod.

Sam looked down and said, “I know it's been rough at home with...with everything. But I think this is going to be the best summer yet. I like San Francisco and I hope you do too.” Jim nodded and gave another thumbs up.

Sam brightened, nodded and said, “Night, squirt.” Jim muffled back.

Getting into bed, Jim could only hope that Amanda convinced Spock to comm him. He wasn't stupid and he knew that Spock either found him odd or just didn't like him at all. Either way, he knew that if Spock did manage to comm him he'd do everything he could to change his mind about him.

Besides, he needed to make friends here, all of his friends were at camp right now.

He sighed, went to turn on his side and hissed as pain laced his side.

Sighing, tired, he turned on the other side and quickly fell asleep.


	3. The Hardest Lesson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just letting all of you know there will be flash forwards in this story and it'll all make sense halfway through. Thanks for commenting, giving Kudos and reading!

Moving through the crowd was difficult.

Every brush of fabric and skin burned through him. It was a sharp feeling, physically burning. But he was also recognizing the harsh hum behind his eyes. Something altogether different.

He was also realizing, he was a slow learner, at least in these lessons, and it was proven was he lost sight of everyone.

Panic started to crawl through his chest and his breath started spiking. He was going to lose. He was going to get lost. Fearful and eyes wide, he searched frantically for familiar glimpses of fabric, of graceful movements, of anything out of ordinary in the crowd. Instead, the flickering lights and blaring music only made it more disorientating.

None of this should be happening, yet it was and there was no where to run from it.

Concentrating, he managed to catch the barest movement out of the corner of his eyes. It was barely a catch and he ran, only just remembering to be more discreet as he weaved a path through people. 

He followed the male through the halls, the flashing light disappeared leaving only alien blue light to see by. The crowds thinned until it was only a few people here and there, making out, talking, drinking illegal alcohol and smoking tashi weed. 

He wrinkled his nose as he passed and kept his eyes latched onto the figure. The tall male turned walking into a small, back room, one that he knew had an exit.

Not knowing where everyone else was, he looked behind him, taking a moment, he knew he had to act or fail. 

He ran, trying to be as quiet as possible and gasped as he was slammed into and quickly thrown against the wall. 

Falling, the Andorian narrowed his eyes on him. The man said something, though he didn't know what, his antennae suggested something furious. 

Jumping up, he quickly dodged the kick that came for him and the next punch. He wasn't lucky on the third and slammed against the opposite wall.  

Swiftly stepping around an ottoman, he drew his knife and lunged. 

They parried back and forth, both quick and now entirely focused on each other. He got a kick in and took a hit to his bruised ribs for it. His wrist was grabbed in a swift move and he gasped as it snapped, the knife clattering to the ground. 

He punched twice across the Andorian's face and seeing a holo frame, he grabbed it and smashed it against a table. Snapping out a piece, he slashed forward with the jagged edge. He gashed the male's chest before snarling at him the Andorian lunged for him, knocking them both to the ground. 

They landed hard and furiously started grappling with each other. Rolling, he managed a good hit to his diaphragm.

Trying to hit in key areas was made more difficult then he previously thought and soon was acting on instinct trying to protect himself. 

Then, it came quickly, a sharp sting to his ribs. 

He acted before he thought and grabbed the fallen knife; he swung and kept swinging until they were both covered in warm blue liquid. 

Gasping and moaning, the man fell from where he had been on top of him and he struggled out from under him. 

His breathing was loud and his heart was hammering. Slowly, he rubbed his hands together, the knife feeling warm and slippery in his hand. 

For the first time in the past week he thought of nothing. His whole mind was blank and only taking in the man's ragged breathing, his wide, fearful blue eyes as they stared back at him.

He didn't even know the Andorian's name, he realized suddenly.

He was only snapped out of his numbness a few moments later when he heard a voice speak, "I thought I told you not to fuck it up." 

Snapping his head up, he gazed the tall shadow in the doorway. 

Stoic and unimpressed, the newcomer crossed his arms and said, "Well, at least you got the job done, if messily, half marks I suppose." 

The Andorian gave a few more strangled breaths before choking and wheezing, he laid still, staring blankly at the damaged and neglected ceiling. 

He stood shakily, still staring at the dead male on the floor. He had never seen a real dead body before he realized. 

Heart still racing, he was surprised that he didn't feel adrenaline or guilt. 

He didn't even feel the sting against his neck as Radak continued, "Well let's get going, we don't want to miss out on the others failure's." 

Radak gracefully stepped over the body, calmly and led the way carelessly outside. 

He swallowed and wiping his hands, quietly followed. 


	4. It All Started Here

Jim wandered around with Frank for most of that first week.

Frank, working in data security, did most of his work at home; it was why he could work in Riverside or San Francisco. Actually, Jim was pretty sure he could do this wherever there was a Star Fleet base to report back to.

Jim went with him to the Academy, wide-eyed, it was the first time he saw the place where his mom and dad went. Frank told him all of his stories too. “That right under the tree is where I fell asleep and missed two of my end of the year exams. Nearly flunked me too, had my professors not liked me... That over there used to be where the courts for the security track used to train, now they renovated and it's all engineering stuff. One thing you need to know, Jimmy, engineering is full of crazies. Not one of them is sane, they may appear it, but they are a tight bunch, all of them related in the crazy gene.”

Jim grinned and pointed a few moments later, “What's over there?”

“That, is the residential area. Note to yourself, don't ever throw a party in your own dorm. Not a good idea, makes a mess you need to clean up and gets you on the bad side of your neighbours. What do we say?”

“Never get on the bad side of your neighbours!”

“Right you are.”

Frank lead the way into a command building and gave his pass to the guard who looked over at him. “The child can wait in the waiting room.” Frank glanced at him and then handed him a few credits.

“There's a very good cafeteria in the lounge,” Frank said frowning and pointing to an entryway, “I shouldn't be too long.”

Jim nodded. He bought himself lunch which was very good indeed. Eating his Italian sandwich he gained a lot of attention from the students. An older man approached him with a smile and said, “Are you lost at all?”

Jim shook his head, “Just waiting for my step-dad. He has a few data chips to hand in to his boss.” The man nodded and said, “If you need anything,” he nodded towards an older lady behind a desk to the left, “Lieutenant Collins can help you, okay?”

Jim nodded and said, “Cool, okay.” He waited for the man to leave and blinked up at him. The man, though looked reluctant to do so, finally frowning, nodding and slowly walking off.

Jim ate in peace but as the hour ticked by and then another two he couldn't help getting bored. He should have brought his PADD. He kept on hearing comments of the passing students too, that he was so cute like a puppy, that he reminded them of their younger brother/cousin/nephew.

He sighed leaning against the window.

After three and a half hours he had no more credits, he had eaten his lunch, a chocolate pudding desert and finished a half hour on a pay-as-you-go PADD. Looking up, he caught them by pure luck.

Grinning, he jumped up and ran through the cafeteria, startling some, and outside into the back courtyard.

“Amanda! Spock!” Both turned at his voice and he ran up to them. “Hey! What are you doing here?” He asked breathless. Quickly he leaned onto Spock's shoulder to catch his breath quickly. The boy tensed but didn't move away. Gaining back his control, he straightened and saw Amanda smiling.

“I was lecturing a course in Vulcan customs and ethics. Spock accompanied me since he had no classes.” Jim looked at Spock astonished. “You still have classes? But it's summer break.” Spock did that eyebrow frown again and replied, “Vulcans do not have breaks in their study, unless you count the week in Khuti when the heat across Vulcan goes extremely high on average.”

Jim just gaped at him, “You only have one week in the whole year off? Wow. I like school but I don't like it that much. What do you do for fun?”

“Fun?”

Jim nodded and said, “When you're not studying or working, what do you do?” Spock laced his hands behind his back but said nothing. Jim frowned and kept talking, “I like to wrestle and play Vita on my PADD and I like reading.” Spock hesitated a second before he said, “I agree that reading is satisfactory.”

Jim frowned and said, “So...okay. That's cool.”

“Jim!”

Jim turned and saw Frank coming out from the cafeteria. He hoped he wasn't in trouble again for wandering off. Frank approached them and shook his head. “I'm so sorry kiddo. If I had known that I'd be in there for so long I would have got a cab for you and told you to rent a movie.” Frank glanced at Spock and Amanda and smiled in greeting. “Hello, I hope Jim here isn't bothering you. Boy's got not a lick of shyness in him.”

Amanda chuckled and said, “Yes, we found that out ourselves the other day. I'm Amanda Grayson and this is my son Spock.”

“Hello, I'm Frank. Frank Nolan.”

“It's nice to meet you.”

Jim watched as Spock's eyes widened slightly over Amanda and Frank shaking hands. Spock glanced away from them to look at him instead. Jim smiled which made Spock look down quickly.

“I was actually going to call you today.” Amanda said making Frank look down at him. Jim gulped and shrugged slightly guilty looking. “The other day, huh? I take it Jim bumped into you two on his adventure out into town?” Frank asked with half an amused expression and half angry. Amanda glanced down at him with the same expression. “Yes. I take it he didn't tell you?” Jim looked between three sets of intense gazes and replied quickly.

“I planned to. You know, sometime.” Spock raised a doubtful brow at him then he looked up at his mother and said, “Mother, we do not have to do this at the current moment.” Amanda smiling, paid no attention to her son for once, and said, “We've been wondering if Jim could come over and visit sometime? I'd like for Spock to get to know humans better.”

Jim brightened, his smile wide and turned up to look at Frank.

Frank frowned for a second and then smiled. “That'd be no problem, Mrs. Grayson. Just let us know when. Jim here, could do with more friends.”

Jim grinned at Spock who merely blinked back at him.

* * *

 

That was how two days later, Jim was ringing the doorbell to a big, white house with dark grey trim details. The doorbell was outside of it's gated driveway. They had a ridiculous big lawn.

“Hello?” Jim blinked and saw the camera, grinning he replied, “Hey Spock, it's me!”

He saw Spock's brow twitch and waited a few more moments before he heard a buzz and Spock spoke hesitantly, “The gate is open.”

Having a Vulcan friend was gonna be so cool.

Jim practically ran up the driveway with Frank only slightly jogging behind him. Amanda answered the door and spoke happily, “Hello Jim, how are you? Spock's in the kitchen. We're making some late lunch.” Jim nodded but stayed where he was half of him listening to Frank and Amanda agree on a time for him to go home and half taking in the bright, welcoming foyer.

A staircase wound up to the left and three archways branched off into what looked like a huge library and a comfy looking living room, though Jim couldn't see the holo anywhere. It was a lot more human than Jim pictured.

Frank left shortly afterwards, telling him to behave and don't break anything.

He followed Amanda into the biggest kitchen he'd ever seen. His eyes widened at the modern heater and appliances and the counter tops that didn't look Terran.

“Wow,” Jim said before he could stop himself.

“My husband prefers the Vulcan look of houses, space happens to be one of those traits.” Jim nodded and saw how everything flowed from room to room and how open everything was. Spock was concentrated on cutting what looked like cucumbers but weren't since they were bright purple, he didn't look up as Jim went to sit in the chair by the counter.

“Is there anything you're allergic to Jim?” He shook his head and eyed the contents of a pan warily.

“What are you making?” It smelt good but Jim hadn't ever seen some of the food on the island. Spock spoke for the first time by replying, “It is a dish my mother created when she came to Vulcan. It takes the base of L'ec soup and...Terran chili though of a mild variety.” Jim nodded and made sure to stay out of the way. When asked if he'd like to help cut, he quickly shook his head. The last time he was allowed into the kitchen it ended with him grounded for two days.

“No thanks. I don't want to mess anything up. I'll help clean?” Amanda nodded in agreement and it took only a few moments before lunch was ready and the three of them were seated at the dinning room table.

Jim took a careful bite out of his and then quickly tried to hide his expression. It didn't work.

“You find the taste unpleasant. Some Vulcan vegetables do require an acquired taste.” Spock gave his mom a significant look but she turned to Jim and asked, “What would make it better?” Jim bit his lip and glanced from Spock who was as statue-like as ever to Amanda who was genuinely curious and open.

“Um...maybe some honey? And hot sauce for sure.”

Spock's brow rose and Amanda grinned. As she left for the ingredients, Jim couldn't help but squirm in the tense silence that followed. Spock continued to slowly eat and Jim stirred the chili-like food in his bowl.

“What's it like living on Vulcan?”

“I do not understand your question. Living on Vulcan is the same as living on Terra, or I imagine as anywhere else in Federation space.”

Jim squinted his eyes as he tried to concentrate on the blank looking statue in front of him. Finally, he just sighed as Amanda came back in and after adding both ingredients, Jim hummed, nodded and dug in. The silence lasted until they were finished and then Jim found himself looking everywhere but at Spock.

Finally, as Amanda took the dishes to wash (and told him 'no a guest doesn't help loading the washer'), he asked, “Do you wanna play a game?”

Spock tilted his head and responded with, “I have little time for games as I have studies to complete. However, I do play ry'lec and chess at times.”

“Huh.” Jim had heard of chess, a lot of old people played it. _Ray-lick_ , he hadn't heard of so he assumed it was Vulcan. He was thinking more tag or Federation Empire. He had some games on his PADD that he brought with him, but the thought of bringing them up now made him cringe. Maybe Spock was just like Sam and thought them too stupid. Well, of course Spock would think they were stupid, he was a Vulcan and way more smarter than Sam.

The whole afternoon was awkward.

Jim didn't think befriending a Vulcan would be this hard. An hour after lunch he was sitting in the living room with Spock who was completing his math homework. It wasn't real math, Spock tried to explain it but Jim hadn't caught much of what he said but the diagrams on the screen were pretty. He liked the shapes and movement of them as Spock quickly completed the puzzles. 

After twenty minutes however, Jim got bored. "Do you wanna go downtown?" He asked as Spock completed another question. Turning to look at him, Spock asked, "Is there something you need to acquire?" Jim shook his head and Spock continued, "What purpose will changing environments achieve?”

Jim tried to reply but snapped his mouth shut.

Honestly, he didn't know what to say.

Sighing, he left a half hour later feeling really upset. Not even Sam offering to take him to the new park with a holo playground could cheer him up. He called it quits and dragged himself to his bed, not wanting to hear Sam talk to his friends about their teacher.

* * *

 

When he got up the next morning, it was with determination. By the time Frank had gotten up, Jim had already taken a quick shower, eaten a bowl of cereal and stolen enough credits to get him through the day. He wasn't there to see Frank's and Sam's expressions at his note and since he didn't get an angry comm message he shrugged it off.

Instead, he was already making his way up the wide, tree-lined street and ringing the buzzard at the large house.

Spock answered the comm and Jim thought he saw surprise in his eyes for a brief moment. “Jim, what are you doing here?” Jim smiled his best smile, the one that always got him out of trouble, and said, “Good morning! I was wondering if you'd like to go uptown with me?” Spock's brows went down just slightly and Jim cut him off before he could back out of it. “Nope, not hearing no. Open the gate and let me in.”

For a moment Jim thought that he'd been too bossy but then Spock opened the gate, still doing his brow frowning-but-not-frowning thing. Jim practically ran up the driveway and the door opened as he stepped up onto the porch.

Bracing himself, he grinned and said, “C'mon Spock, we're gonna hang out today.”

“How can you claim such a statement when you do not know if I am previously engaged? I have not told you that I would be joining you today.”

Jim took a moment to go through the sentence in his head and then nodded. “Yeah, but you haven't said no either. So...I want to get to know you and I don't have any friends here right now, it'd be nice to have someone to play with since Sam is at school all the time.” Jim bit his lip and winced at the fact that he hadn't thought this through.

There was a long moment of silence before Spock took in a deep breath and said, “Alright, I will accompany you. Might we go have breakfast?”

Jim nodded quickly, scared that Spock would change his mind. It turned out both of Spock's parents were home and Jim was properly introduced to the scariest Vulcan he ever saw.

Sarek was tall, very tall, with broad shoulders and black hair and eyes. He didn't look angry as he sat having tea by Amanda but he also didn't look happy. He was even more statue like than Spock.

“You two want to go uptown by yourself? Jim, I know you're very independent but I'd like for an adult to accompany you.” Amanda looked worried and even gazed out the front windows as if looking for his dad.

“I go uptown by myself all the time, though.” He sighed seeing Spock give him a look but then Spock took him by surprise. “I am capable enough to look after Jim and myself. I do not see the logic in bringing one of you when you are both occupied by work. Also, as I am now ten, I no longer require adult supervision when you two are not available.”

Amanda sighed and replied, “Yes, but that's for Vulcan. Earth is very different and there are different circumstances that need to be discussed. If you two can wait an hour Sarek or I will be free to take you into town.” While it sounded nice and Jim was already on his way out the door, the resigned look Spock had told him Amanda wasn't asking. 

The hour wait was excruciating for Jim. He was kept occupied though as Spock showed him some Vulcan games that he didn't quite understand, though they sounded fun, in a confusing way.

Sarek was the one to take them, since Amanda had a lecture to go to. Luckily, he kept his distance, and Jim with only a few glances backwards soon forgot he was there.

“Where do you want to go?” Jim asked as he tried to resist sounding excited. “I thought that you might have some idea since you've spent over a week exploring the city. I assume you have a plan for the day?”

Jim blinked, trying to quickly form a plan and failing, he said, “Totally.”

Spock merely raised a brow at his answer and he smiled back. “There is this really nice restaurant a block over but they have a lot of meat. We can try the one across the park if you want?” Jim offered, looking over at Spock. “Very well, I am amenable to your suggestion.” Jim frowned, not quite understanding and Spock seeing his expression said, “Lead the way.”

Grinning, Jim nodded.

The restaurant was small, warm and welcoming. Sarek sat a table away giving them privacy to talk about anything. Though soon, the stilted conversation lead to both of them questioning what was on Sarek's PADD. Jim could tell right away that Sarek didn't like him, or just found him as confusing as Jim was finding them. He asked too many questions and too quickly. He showed too much emotion he realized.

Feeling like his heart was going to burst out of his chest, Jim excused himself and made his way out the backdoor. The narrow alleyway was luckily empty and Jim felt room enough to breathe. He had no clue what he was doing.

Spock obviously did not like him and his dad didn't like him at all and Amanda was just being nice to make up for them. His mom had yet to talk to him since that night and Sam was barely talking to him whenever they saw each other.

Sitting down, he hugged his legs and didn't hear the door open. “Jim, what is wrong?”

Jim snapped his head up and tried not to burst out crying. Spock immediately crouched down, though he didn't reach out. He could feel the concern Spock was trying not to show.

“It's fine. I'm fine.” He said as he wiped his face, his words came out choked and he took a few more deep breaths and tried to calm down. “We don't have to spend the day together. It's okay. I'll go home after I pay for my breakfast.”

Spock's lips thinned before for he spoke, “You no longer wish to establish a friendship with me?” Jim, trying to figure out what established meant while holding back crying, only said, “Huh?”

Before he could say any more he heard a snicker. Both he and Spock turned to look at the onlookers. From the sidewalk, a group of boys around Spock's age came upon them grinning. Jim tensed, knowing who some of them were from his wanderings over the week.

Spock, not knowing, merely glanced at them before ignoring them.

“Aw, is the little boy breaking up with the freak?”

Since Spock was facing him, he saw the twitch of the eyebrow. Jim made a face at them before ignoring them too. 

"I know you don't want to so I'm not going to force you or-" Jim said before getting cut off.

"Oh my god Ty, you're right, they are." 

"Aw man, who would want to hang out with the robots?" A red-haired boy asked, laughing. 

"Hey kid, come with us, you can get away from the statues." 

Jim flinched feeling both furious and guilty. He had thought of Spock as a statue. He saw Spock lower his head and his eyes, eyes that had showed hints of emotion now showed it all. 

Spock's hurt and acceptance was physically painful. 

Jim bolted up and acted before he thought. 

"Take that back!" 

His shout gained their attention and the five boys perked up. 

"You're going to stick up for that freak?" said the black haired boy. Jim knew from seeing them in alleyways at night, that this boy was the leader. And they weren't going away easily. 

"He's my friend and I want all of you to apologize!"

Their laughter made his anger spike and he clenched his fists. 

The boy stepped forward, no longer looking amused, instead he came right up to Jim and pushed him. Being a head smaller and thin, Jim landed on the ground. 

"Seriously Zander, he's not even worth it." A boy from beside Zander said. 

Huffing, Jim stood up quickly and swung his whole body with his swing. His fist caught Zander's cheek and both boys gasped. Jim almost fell again and Zander stumbled away. 

Holding his hand, Jim shook it, feeling the pain run up his arm. 

"Ow."

"Fuck."

Before he could move, another boy punched him. 

Knocked to the ground, Jim gasped, his left temple bursting with pain. He quickly kicked out his feet, catching one boy and jumped up. 

Facing the standing four boys, whom all looked furious, Jim raised his hands like Frank had showed him. 

It didn't matter much because Zander charged into him and they both fell to the ground. Jim punched as much as he could and then scratched and he yelped as as the other boy hit in him the stomach. 

He finally got leverage hitting the other boy back and rolled them over, hitting him harshly once more in the face. 

Jumping up, panting, he turned only then seeing Spock. 

Statue-like, the most calm, blank alien he ever met was furious and amazing as he barely even touched the other boys. Seemly to dance around them, he moved quickly, without once tripping or stumbling or stopping, Spock grabbed their shoulders and the boys fell to the ground. 

Both of them were panting when Spock turned to look at him. 

It was sudden, Jim didn't think he'd ever feel anything like it again. There was a swift feeling of connection, of something completely indescribable. If anyone had asked him what it felt like, he couldn't even begin to form words. 

He knew he deeply appreciated Spock for how he had jumped in to rescue him. He was surprised and awed and completely impressed. 

Jim grinned and saw Spock's lips twitch almost in a smile before the back door opened and Sarek emerged, who merely raised a brow at the scene in front of him. 

After a minute of explaining, the boys had woken up and one by one had run off. Sarek had tried to make them stay and logically explain themselves but Jim had repeatedly told him how that wasn't going to work. 

It ended up being a huge story both boys told Amanda a half hour later. Jim was excited and now that Spock had been told off (in a Vulcany way) he seemed slightly more ashamed of of his actions. 

But Jim ended up staying at Spock's house for the day and after dinner both boys talked openly in Spock's room. By the time Frank came to pick him up Spock drew him aside, once again showing worry in his eyes. 

"Are you still seeking a friendship with me or is this our last meeting?" 

Jim couldn't help but smile. "Spock, we totally ruled today! I don't care how wrong it was, it was awesome. And besides, you can't fight beside someone and not be their friend. So, the question is, are you my friend?" 

Spock tilted his head and simply said, "I wish to be so." 

Once more Jim grinned and this time moved to hug Spock. 

"Cool." Breaking apart Jim saw Frank nod towards him and Jim said, "See you tomorrow Spock? You need to teach me who you did that shoulder thing, remember." 

Spock nodded and said, "I will see you then." 

* * *

 

When Jim went to bed that night, he was grinning and he knew without really knowing how, Spock was someone different from Nikki and Lynn and even Sam. 

He thought as he drifted off to sleep, different was nice. 

 


	5. Growing Up

He could feel the gentle slither up his spine and it was getting harder to ignore.

He wasn't quite sure what frightened him more. Was it the fact that he wasn't frightened? Or was it that he wasn't worried that he wasn't frightened? Either way, he was growing used to this dance.

And he was good at it.

The swing that came for him was easy to dodge, the next almost made him smile. Almost.

He lashed out exactly as he was supposed to. Controlled, without anger or fear or even hesitance.

He wasn't panting or thrown. He wasn't ever in defence, there was no more need. The fear was clear in his opponent's face, his exhaustion making him slow and sloppy. He allowed it to go on, allowed the linger of heightened fear. He wanted to inhale it, let it blanket him. 

The end was in sight, it was numbered, step by step. Lunge, parry, lunge, duck. It was almost blissful and when he struck, perfectly in time, a perfect kill strike, he felt slight disappointment.

He was, he realized, beginning to love this game.

* * *

 

A few minutes later he met Radak just outside.

It was dark and the air was sweet with summer. The wind fluttered around their feet and his eyes caught the wildflowers growing nearby. It in the night the flowers shone a light purple and would turn black in sunlight.

“You're surprising me.” The words weren't a compliment. He knew that and so too did his subconscious, he felt nothing.

“I'm surprising everyone these days.” He replied as he wiped the blood off on his pants and sheathed his weapon.

Radak turned to look at him and shook his head, “You need to start looking where your treading. It's only going to get harder from here on in.”

This was the first time that he felt himself laugh.

Radak's eyes widened only slightly at the sound. “You've forgotten what hard is. I've done hard. This... this is just annoyance.”

“I don't know whether to be sad or joyful that you've finally grown up.”

He shook his head and started walking; for the first time it was Radak who carefully followed, outlined in the raging fire that was consuming the run-down barn.

The silence that surrounded them was glaringly loud.


	6. That First Summer

Spock did not think this was a good decision.

Jim however, would not reason with him. "Spooock, c'mon it's supposed to be fun not logical."

The very idea of that made the Vulcan in him shudder. However, for some reason, a reason he had to fully discover, Jim managed to persuade him. He was frustratingly good at it. So Spock found himself swinging a stick that was supposed to represent a sword of some Bronze Age area. 

He tried not to scoff at the idea. 

Spock blocked Jim's erratic swings with only slight pause as they made no sense and he could not determine the next attack. A part of him found this very exciting for all the martial arts lessons he took were more strategically inclined. The other part of him was mildly disgusted by Jim's roars and calls for his legion to combat Spock's imaginary army.

He did not know which invisible men were wining. 

Halfway through, grinning, Jim said, "The left flank is falling! More archers! More archers!"  Jim suddenly rammed into him and Spock stumbled, catching Jim, he fell purposely so that he caught most of the blow. 

Without hesitating, Jim rose and pretended to stab him in the heart though the stick slammed into the ground by his side. 

"General T'lasi is dead!" 

Before Jim could make his victory speech, Spock rose his brow and said, "No." 

Immediately Jim shook his head, "Spooock, don't ruiiiin it.”

“I softened your landing and therefore saved your life. Had I acted instinctively I would have thrown you to the side.”

“But you didn't Spock. I win.” They continued to argue over the point until Jim huffed and crossed his arms. Spock could not define the feeling that arose in him but he held back a sigh and no longer wished to push his point.

“Very well Jim, I concede.”

Jim tilted his head for a moment, his eyes widened as he realized what that meant and then he grinned widely. “See Spock! I was totally right! C'mon let's go bike riding.”

Spock felt an immediate sense of dread and was luckily saved by his mother calling, “Boys, come inside, lunch is ready.”

Jim looked at him, disappointment clear on his face, but followed with only slight, mumbled complaints.

Jim and he had fallen into a routine over the course of the last month. They 'played' in the mornings since Spock had established Jim's mood and thought processes increased 83 percent when they engaged in this, then if Spock refused. His mother also explained how children Jim's age benefited greatly from these sort of activities. Since then, father didn't try to separate them though he didn't like observing either.

Spock for the most part understood and even appreciated the gesture.

'Biking' was something he was not accustomed to and did not particularly enjoy since he spent most of the time observing Jim and making sure he kept both hands on his handle bars or increasingly, making sure he did no flips which Spock estimated increased his injury rate to 95 percent.

Lunch was a loud affair, as it seemed to be now, Jim joined them almost every day and always seemed to barely restrain all of his energy. He spoke quickly, excited about the expo they were going to see.

“Do you think Doctor Micheals is going to be there?”

Spock nodded and replied, “Yes, although he might not stay for the full lecture, there will be some audience questions.” Jim's eyes lit up and Spock was, not for the first time, wanting to examine them further. As always, he was cut short as his mother spoke, bringing Jim's attention to her.

He ignored the shallow emotion that followed and turned his own gaze to her.

“You both have to stick close to me.” Looking at Jim she spoke directly to him and said, “I want you both on your best behaviour.”

Spock, amused, watched as Jim blushed and looked away back to him. He took a rather large bite of his salad and nodded.

Jim, they had come to realize, hadn't grown up with a lot of boundaries and being overly-curious had gotten into 'sticky situations' as his mother called them. He hadn't gotten into trouble, Spock had seen to that, but Spock did have to have several conversations with his own parents and indeed parents to other children in the parks or uptown.

 Jim, Spock could tell was nervous as was Spock. He had never had a sleepover as it wasn't practice on Vulcan. 

Today, Jim was on his best behaviour, he didn't try his 'puppy eyes' or argue to leave Amanda's side. This would be the first time Jim spent the night over at Spock's since Sam (Spock was told) was going out of town for the night to participate in observing an archeological site. One of the last four in the Western Hemisphere left in working conditions, it was a highly privileged tour that his summer program was putting on.

Spock found himself excited that Jim would be spending more time with him. He was also shameful that he felt so extremely to something wholly human and exotic.

They spent a few hours after lunch engaging in their regular routine. Since the mornings were devoted to activities that bordered on dangerous, the afternoons they would read or more recently Jim would include himself with Spock's homework. Although Jim was less intelligent than himself and slower to multitask, he was higher than average than others his age. Spock only noticed this drastic difference when they had run into other children in the park two weeks ago.

Spock was highly grateful they did not stay longer.

This afternoon, Jim was more anxious than usual and asked him all kinds of questions on chemistry. Most of the explanation he gave Jim didn't understand but he did like looking at the diagrams. Then, they were being called downstairs and were in the hover car.

Jim was vibrating with energy and his eyes were bright. “This is so cool, Spock,” he said with a manic grin, “I never get to go to these since I'm too young. Oh, do you think we can go to that restaurant across the memorial?”

Sarek nodded from the driver's seat and replied, “That would be acceptable.”

Jim wrinkled his nose and said, “Are you going to eat this time?” causing Amanda to laugh.

Spock's own lips twitched. Jim had yet to fully understand that Vulcans needed less meals and sleep than humans did. Spock himself had changed his own routines so that he would eat with him. His father did not. “I will partake this evening.” Sarek simply said and Jim nodded.

“How long does it take to become a doctor in space?” Spock raised a brow curious and asked, “What kind of doctor are you referring to?”

The ride there was full of questions and Spock did his best to answer them while his mother and father chimed in only sometimes, instead focused on their own conversation.

“Spock, Jim, we have arrived.” Sarek said looking back at them. Spock glanced out the window and saw the Star Fleet building, nodding he unbuckled himself and got out.

He had to keep himself from reaching out for Jim, who got easily distracted by the colourful displays and new science majors showing off their inventions. Indeed it was a lot to take in and was incredibly simulating, even for him. As much as he wanted to investigate further, he did not want to lose Jim in the crowd.

Halfway through, when Jim once again turned, he could no longer resist and caught Jim's wrist. Looking around, he did not see his mother or father. They must have stopped for a moment when Jim ran to the anti-gravity display.

“Yeah Spock?” Jim asked looking quite happy.

Spock felt himself relax and he raised his head to the astrology lecture. “Would you like to hear Doctor Micheals talk about the newest planet found?” Jim nodded right away and together they made their way into the hall and found seats. His mother and father knew Jim wanted to see this, perhaps they would meet them here?

Regardless, Spock knew to wait in the lobby if they did not find them before the lecture was over. He soon forgot about them as the scientists appeared. Jim sat straighter and tried his best to keep up. Halfway through, however, he did yawn and by the end of the three hours he was leaning into Spock.

That is how Amanda and Sarek found them.

Spock, his arm over Jim's shoulders only noticed them when Jim straightened though he did not move away. He himself tensed, seeing his father eyeing him. This sort of behaviour was not accepted by Vulcans. For a moment, Spock felt fury rise inside him and he was illogically reluctant to pull away from Jim. 

Jim flinched, whether it was because he was becoming more alert as he woke from his half-sleep or because he was frightened of Sarek, Spock did not know. They did part before his parents reached them fully.

“There you two are. I was so worried. Are you two alright?” Amanda ran her hand through Jim's hair, more physical with him than Spock. But she did look at him and Spock could tell she had been, indeed, worried and was now relieved.

“I am well, Jim, however is tired. I believe now would be a good time to go to dinner.” His parents nodded and lead the way outside. Once again Jim drew inward and folded his arms around himself. He was also tired, like he tended to become whenever they went out downtown.

As they slid into the booth at the restaurant, he felt Jim lean into him and felt his own pleasure increase. He liked that Jim did not wish to part from him, that this friendship was truly appreciated. They ate in silence and soon were on their way home.

Once more that day, Spock found himself surprised.

He did not know the customs of sleepovers but Jim made his way to Spock's room. Before he could get into bed however Spock spoke up, “Jim, you need to brush your teeth and change.” Jim groaned and slowly went to the bathroom. Spock undressed quickly and was pulling on his shirt when he came back. Jim got into bed and curled up.

For a moment, Spock could only stare. He had never shared his bed with anyone.

Once when he was four he slipped into bed with his mother when he had a nightmare. Since then he learned to mediate properly and push any fears and nightmares away. His father had found the idea of dreaming curious and while he didn't have them often, he did not speak of them now.

After a few moments, he lit his candles and incense. Sitting down on his mats, he allowed himself to take deep breaths and tried to relax. He felt himself slowly fall into himself.

His room slowly drifted away, his own body slowly disappeared inch by inch until he felt only his mind.

He could feel the memories of the day, swirling and merging, waiting for him to classify them and organize it all. After he did so, taking some time to go over the lecture and the feeling of Jim's head against his shoulder, he frowned.

Only now, after the past month did he realize how extensive his collection on Jim had become. Spock had eidetic memory so it was natural that he memorize everything. He had once classified all of his mothers expressions to better understand her moods and behaviours. Now, he realized he had done the same for Jim, though unconsciously.

He memorized every smile and tick and what he said to gain his attention or what made him storm off.

Spock was frightened he realized of losing Jim. He did not know when they would see each other next. Summer was coming to a close and he needed to go back to school. This had been a privilege, first to see his mother's extended family, then to witness Terra and his other half.

There was no guarantee that he would come back before reaching adulthood. He found this to be unacceptable. He found he wanted to see Jim soon, in fact, if he were honest, as he allowed his emotions to come up, he realized he did not wish to leave at all.

Jim was his first friend, his only friend. He never felt pressured or scrutinized. Jim was curious, overly curious at times but he always knew when to pull back. Spock never had to ask or speak. He knew when Spock craved silence and when he was content to spend hours speaking on everything and anything.  He treasured this new way of being.

All his life he'd been looked at differently. From the doctors and healers who had examined him excessively until he was five years of age to his peers who still managed to see him as lesser even when he completed his kahs-wan a year earlier than the average Vulcan.

Although he did have to admit that he had done it more out of emotion than logic.

No one had ever treated him as normal. The thought had him stop all his examining.

It was here, in this blank space that he felt the tingling at the edge of his mind.

Blinking, he opened his eyes to see Jim laying on his stomach, his eyes staring at him intently.

“Sorry, did I interrupt you?”

Spock frowned, mentally chasing that abnormal feeling. It wasn't invasive like some melds could be, nor powerful. However, the closer he got the more chaotic it seemed. He felt a powerful wave of emotion that he could not identify but it made him gasp and Jim's mouth dropped open.

“Woah, what was that?” Jim asked, bolting up.

Spock, breathing hard, leaned forward and reined in his mind. It was more difficult than usual and a part of him, an instinctual part that he had not felt since his kahs-wan, raged against his logic.

Jim, quickly came over and rested his hands on his shoulders, further crumbling his shields. “Are you okay, Spock?”

Spock felt that amazing tingling down his spine though he grew worried that he could not place it, for he had never felt it before.

“I am well.” He said after a moment and turned to look to his friend.

Jim's worried blue eyes were looking back at him and it took a few moments for Jim to nod. “Okay. What was that?”

Spock frowned and caught himself, too late, for Jim smiled at his outward expression. He pushed down the irritation.

“I do not know. Did you feel anything?”

Jim nodded quickly and said, “Yeah, it was like this huge shock right through me. Awesome! Scary though, but still awesome. Was it you?”

Spock tilted his head and thought back through his mediation. “I...do not know,” he finally answered and slowly, he had to work up the courage to ask, “Jim...”

Stopping, it grew Jim's attention.

He never hesitated.

“Jim...,” Spock wondered not for the first time about Jim's withdrawn moods, his tiredness at the end of the days. And then he thought to that odd sensation. It was only then that it all came together and Spock took a deep breath.

Jim had yet to take his hands away and Spock himself felt Jim's weariness seeping through.

“I believe that you should be sleeping.”

Jim chuckled and said, “It felt weird with you sitting here. You've never meditated in front of me before. You're crazy still. Do you cramp up at all?” Knowing this was a conversation that could go on for an hour he replied, “I will explain it tomorrow. For now,” Spock rose and brought Jim with him, “you need sleep.”

Spock led Jim to bed but instead of going back to mediating, he thought he might benefit more from proper sleep. He would only need four point one hours at maximum but it would be enough for Jim to fall into deep sleep, he went to blow out his candles and snuff his incense before he hesitantly walked back to his bed.

Slowly, he got under the covers and rested on his back, allowing his muscles to relax.

Without warning, Jim curled into him. Spock felt a nice warmth radiate from Jim's skin making his right side warm up, their emotions mixing in his mind. Jim's hair tickled his check and his breath blew coolly on his chest. His room temperature had been lowered to accommodate him so Spock found this to be acceptable. He did not want to get more blankets at the present moment.

“I'm really glad I met you Spock.” Jim said ending with a yawn. Spock hummed, closing his eyes and allowed himself to bask in the feelings of affection and agreement.

He fell asleep faster than he predicated and stayed asleep until Jim woke him up, grinning with the sun shinning through his golden hair, tickling his ear.

"Morning Spock! What do you wanna do today?" Jim asked half on top of him.

Spock concluded, he enjoyed sleepovers greatly.


	7. A Promise

Clack....clack...clack.

The sound of wood against wood was becoming familiar. The grunts, yelps and smell of sweat and fear. It seeped into their bodies, into their minds and blood.

It was becoming the only real thing left.

He had tried running, he had tried everything he could think of.

How could this be his life now?

What had he done to deserve this? 

Whatever the cause, the truth couldn't be denied. 

He swung, parried and dodged.

Earning himself another bruise to his ribs, he yelped at the hit. Swinging again he gasped as he heard the shout.

“Stop!”

Walking over to him, Radak put his hands behind his back and asked, “What do you think you did wrong?”

Fury swept over him. Hatred unlike anything he ever felt, engulfed him.

“What I've done wrong? You fucking pathetic lunatic, the whole lot of you should burn for what you've done wrong!”

Everyone now stopped to look over at him. Eyes wide, mouths open, others trying to hide, to become invisible instead of gaining the wrath of these monsters.

Radak moved faster than he saw and before he knew it he was laying on the floor. It took a second for the pain to course through his cheek and jaw.

Something was broken.

Everything in him was broken, he sobbed before he held it in.

It was so much worse when they cried and he didn't cry, not now. He had no tears left.

Radak knelt down and and calmly, “Never show your emotions. You do not have them. You can no longer have them. Unless, of course, you wish to die.”

He clenched his hands into the dirt beneath him and this time when he rose, he did so calmly.

Radak raised his head, staring at him, through him, before smiling and saying, “Continue.”

One day, one day, he was going to kill them all.

Today, he needed to get through this.

He swung hard and trying not to let his emotion take over, he blocked and moved left. With shaky hands he held his staff and jabbed with it, landing a blow to the stomach and quickly reached out to sweep his opponent's feet out. It was the first time he had moved so smoothly though there was no joy in it.

Panting hard, hurting, he looked up to see Radak staring once more, before he turned away and looked at another group.

His opponent swallowed hard, looking as frightened of him as she was of everyone else. She was shoved aside as another took her place and soon he tightening his sweaty, burning grip on his staff and starting all over again.

One day, he promised himself.

For everything they had done and everything they would continue to do. 

One day. 


	8. Summer's End

“Wynona it's not going to be that easy-”

“I need to see you sometime. Besides Sammy has school-”

“What about Jim? Who's going to look after him?”

There was silence at the end of the comm. Jim held his breath as he hid behind the corner, waiting for his mom to answer Frank.

What about him?

The past two months had gone by so very quickly. He had spent all of his days with Spock, Spock who never once got sick of him or told him to go away. The only times he couldn't see him was on Tuesday mornings for when he went for Vulcan lessons and by the afternoon Spock practically ran to meet him at Heritage Park.

Now it was ending and Jim felt like his chest was closing in on him. He didn't know if he wanted to stay here in San Francisco. It was noisy and busy and while that was fun, every time he went outside he felt like the air was pressing in on him and he never knew what he felt. If he was excited and full of energy or wanting to just run and run until everything was left behind.

He only knew he didn't want to go back.

His mom didn't want him.

Tearing up, he tip-toed down the hall and climbed into bed. Sniffing, he tried to stop himself from crying. He was a big boy and he wasn't going to cry about something he just couldn't change. Even if Sam didn't have time for him, he no longer wanted Sam. Frank was now super busy at work and wondering about mom in the hospital and how she was.

Spock was the only one he had left.

A knock sounded lightly at the door and Jim hurriedly wiped his face. Dad pulled open the door just a bit before he slowly came in, smiling, he had that awful guilty expression Jim was learning very well.

“Hey Kido, you know that Star Fleet called me to go to London, right?”

Jim nodded, having overheard the conversation two nights ago.

“Well, I can't bring you with me because I wouldn't be able to watch you properly. So... I was thinking...” Jim sat up, hearing the far away tone in Frank's voice.

“Sam's going to go back to Riverside. I know it's too small for you, though, nothing to keep you interested. What about you staying with Mrs. Amanda for a bit?”

Shock was apparent on his face, as Jim made a small 'o'. Frank smiled relieved and said, “I thought you might like that idea. I know how much you liked your sleepover last week and since the Greysons are going to home in a bit, I thought you and Spock and could spend a few days together for your last week. I'll be back that day, so it all works out, yeah?”

Jim nodded and quickly hurdled into Frank who huffed. “Thanks,” he said, squeezing his dad tightly.

As Jim started to fall asleep he couldn't help but feel oddly detached from everything. It was a strange feeling, not quite lonely but numbing in the worse way.

He had little sleep that night.

The following morning, Jim watched as Frank packed everything up. His clothes, Sam's clothes and some of Jim's.

The food was staying and Jim overheard Frank talking with the land-lady Elise, so he knew his dad was keeping the apartment.

Frank spent part of the morning on the comm talking to some doctors so Jim and Sam actually spent some time together.

On Jim's bed, Sam frowned at the chess holo game they were playing and said, “I don't get it. The games really old too, can't we play Federation Empire or War of the Stars or something else?” Sam flopped onto his back and quit.

Jim huffed, exiting out and looking at the saved game file. He opened it and moved his bishop.

“So what do you think is going to happen now?” Sam asked him.

Jim shrugged, not knowing what to say and Sam looked over at him, frowning. “It probably will be nothing you know. Mom will get better right away. She's going back to work soon and then we'll be back at school.”

“School's starting in five days, Sam.” Sam flinched and it was silent for a moment.

“I...I'm sorry.”

Jim tried not to allow the sinking feeling to engulf him. There was nothing Sam could say to make this better, nothing he knew how to say.

They could no longer ignore the truth smacking them in the face.

The truth was, it would be a lot better on everyone, if Jim just hadn't survived that one important day.

Jim watched as Frank loaded the car, as the apartment almost emptied and they he was dropped off at Amanda's house.

Amanda who looked closed off for once, her lips pinched together.

Both of them watched as Frank drove away before Amanda put her arm over his shoulders and drew him into the house.

* * *

 

Jim huddled into Spock, who for once didn't tense or shift. Since their first sleepover, Spock was a little more okay with Jim touching him, though only when it was the two of them.

Right then Jim was curled around Spock's back as he meditated and he was going over more Vulcan words. He knew a good amount now but kept getting stuck on bigger words. He silently mouthed a few of them, wrinkling his nose at the now familiar smell of incense.

Taking a drink of water, he said, “Dif-tor heh smusam...”

“Smusma.”

Jim jerked his head as Spock turned to face him. “The correct wording is Sumsma. Otherwise you are saying long live and pos, not prosper.”

He nodded and then scolded, “You're supposed to be thinking.”

It earned him Spock's special smile that he reserved for him, it was mostly in his eyes but Jim always knew when he was making Spock laugh. Spock, not like himself, instead gracefully flopped down beside him, looking perfectly comfortable next to a sweaty human.

“I would not classify meditation as precisely thinking per se. It involves much more than that.”

“You know, humans have dreamed about superpowers for centuries. I can't believe you're born with them.”

“Telepathy to my race, isn't a 'superpower'. It is the way we are and therefore perfectly normal for us. I would not be able to comprehend how you can manage being so alone.”

Jim moved causing Spock to frown and say, “I am sorry Jim. I did not mean it like that. Would you like me to decrease the temperature?”

Jim sighed, since he realized that Spock and his dad needed higher temperatures to feel comfortable, he had made Spock put them to his normal. It was hot, but Jim was better tonight than he was the last two. “I already told you, I'm fine. When are you guys planning on leaving?”

Once more Spock frowned and this time it was him who looked away. “Two days from now.” Jim nodded and moved so that he was half on top of Spock. He sighed in relief, Spock wasn't a normal human temperature, he also didn't sweat and Jim found that really nice right then.

In the hot room, Spock seemed slightly colder than he normally was and it actually felt really good. After a minute Spock sighed just barely loud enough to hear and Jim grinned as he relaxed. “We are much too old to sleep like this.”

Jim snorted, finally getting tired long after Amanda and Sarek had sent them to bed. “Maybe you are but I'm not and it's comfy.”

“For you perhaps, let's at least get into bed.”

Jim grunted, preferring the cooler floor rather than a mattress and blankets. He almost yelped when Spock picked him up and said, “Hey! You know I don't like that.”

“Just because you cannot lift me does not mean you are weak. Even if I were human you wouldn't be able to lift me. You're being illogical.”

Jim rolled his eyes as Spock set him down, wrinkling his nose at Jim's sweaty imprint on his robes. Together, they arranged themselves so that Jim was on top of the covers and after many attempts to get comfortable, all the while Spock complaining that it was unnecessary, Spock curled himself around Jim so that he chest pressed into Jim's back giving him some relief from the heat.

Jim, as with both times before, finally felt relaxed.

"Hey, Spock, you're gonna keep teaching me Vulcan, right?" 

"If that is what you want, yes." 

Jim smiled and snuggled into the coll pillow. 

"You need to tell me how your superpower classes go. And about I-Chaya, I want to comm with him." 

Spock sighed lightly and tightened his hold around Jim as he replied, "I will." 

"Cool."

"Jim?"

"Yeah, Spock."

"You require sleep." 

"Says you." 

"Do you wish to adventure out to the beach tomorrow?" 

Jim stilled and said carefully, "For kites or are you gonna get in this time?" 

Now it was Spock who hesitated and said, "If it is temperate enough I suppose I could join you." 

Jim grinned and pressed back into Spock saying quietly but firmly, "No going back on that! I'm keeping you to it."

He giggled picturing Spock swimming.

Spock sighed one last time before replying, "Get some sleep Jim." 

"Yeah, yeah, yeah."

He didn't think about his new school in two days or Spock leaving, or when he was going to see Sam and his mom again.

Taking a drink of water, he said, “Dif-tor heh smusam...”

Instead, he just fell asleep.

* * *

 

“I think it would be good for Spock to come back. Jim and him really connected this summer.”

Amanda bit her lip as she gazed at her husband. She knew Spock's education in Vulcan culture was important, she truly understood the path her son could take if he lost his way on maintaining his shields or emotions. But she couldn't help but feel that her only child made his first friend when he was ten.

To her, a human, it was sad. She had been frightened he would go his whole life without anyone close to him.

Sarek hadn't truly understood her fears.

He couldn't.

Vulcans did have proper human relations, which was understandable, to them it was alien. Even after fourteen years with Sarek, he still couldn't fathom why he should invite his colleagues over for dinner but he had given in to her, time and time again.

She had Vulcan friends, though she also knew she was the only one they visited or had lunch with that served no other purpose than to enjoy ones company. They indulged her human customs first; out of curiosity, for the exotic and then because logic dictated that humans needed socialization for mental and emotional well-being.

She just couldn't understand why Sarek couldn't apply this logic to their son.

He thought Vulcan socialization was enough for Spock.

They had included him into combined classes, giving him more access than regular Vulcans, with more interaction with his peers of ShiKahr and yet she had witnessed him slowly withdraw. He was part human and it wasn't until this summer that she had seen it since he was three.

Jim had given something to Spock, some kind of allowance for Spock to be just himself.

Something that he had rejected when she tried to tell him that exact thing.

She couldn't imagine not coming back to Earth now. Besides, she herself had so many days full of seeing her old friends Mitchel and Steven, and her sister Claire. Her nieces that she had only seen in holos. She knew Spock felt like an outsider with them but maybe next year, she'd take both Jim and Spock.

“How do you know that Jim will still be interested in Spock next year?”

Amanda sat back into her chair as Sarek tried not to frown at her and she saw what he was trying so hard to keep hidden.

Her beautiful, compassionate, amazing husband was worried.

Worried about human emotion and how weak it was compared to Vulcans.

“You're scared he'll lose interest and hurt Spock.”

Sarek looked away, giving her the answer.

Rising up, she extended her hand. Sarek raised a brow before taking it and she led him upstairs.

She had sent Jim and Spock to bed three hours ago, later than she wanted since Jim always wanted to stay up until Spock was ready to meditate. It was only when Sarek was home that he didn't try to argue the point in his adorable way.

Slowly, she reached for Spock's door knowing Jim didn't use his own spare room, instead sneaking out in the morning (mostly after she had already woken up).

The heat hit her first and she knew it took longer for her eyes to adjust than it did Sarek's. She could feel the tension in his hand.

Spock wasn't quite awake as he mumbled to himself, moving more clumsy than she had ever seen him as he shook his head and took off Jim's socks.

Jim was laying on his stomach, fast asleep though he moved to grab Spock. “...haw...mmm.” Jim mumbled as Spock laid back down almost fully on top Jim.

She shut the door quietly, heart hammering slightly. Making their way to their bedroom, Sarek halted in the middle of the room, looking slightly lost.

“This is...normal behaviour for humans?”

Amanda took off her sweater and shorts, nodding.

“At this age, yes. Not only do children require physical closeness with family members, they're also going to wrestle and latch on to their friends for a few more years.”

Sarek tilted his head, as she put on her nightgown, and said, “His mother's condition also plays into this, does it not?”

Amanda nodded, they had spoken about Winona on and off this entire summer.

Everyone at Star Fleet was aware of her condition now that she had admitted herself three months prior, that was the thing about Star Fleet, everyone knew everything about each other.

It was awful to think she herself had thought about Star Fleet at one point in her life.

It was doubly awful for Jim, who Amanda knew was being placed away from her, for his own safety.

He was so little.

“We have to leave.” Sarek said, taking off his robes and seeing her expression.

He knew her so well.

“He's not going to understand being away from his family. I just wish there was something we could do.”

Sarek turned to her and brought her in his arms.

When he did speak again, he did so slowly, with emotion layering his tone, “We will come back next summer, if it is truly something you require. I will make the arrangements. However, you must prepare yourself for when I am summoned away from Terra during this time.”

Amanda nodded and leaned into Sarek. “It's nice to see him happy, Sarek. I've wanted Spock to look like that for years. You see it too, right?”

She looked up to see the familiar frown between his brows.

“Spock's well-being is my utmost priority. We will have to allow certain times when Spock and Jim could comm each other.”

Amanda smiled and said, “Really?”

Sarek looking amused and content merely replied, “Constant communication and closeness will endeavour a better long-standing relationship, is that not correct?”

Amanda chuckled and reached up to kiss him. She was forever grateful that she had one of the most caring and attentive bondmates. She could always feel his emotions and they never once ebbed when it came to her. Now that she knew Earth was finally not a dream, she couldn't help but edge Sarek backwards.

He now smiled, a small one, that he was only now becoming comfortable showing and he sat down the bed, bringing her to his lap.

“Amanda, ashayam, I promise I will do everything in power to make you and our son happy.” He was still finding so much weakness in the human race, especially since he dealt with politicians and leaders all day. No matter what century, they weren't the most flattering of human morals and intelligence.

Jim, however, was just a child, no matter her argument, she knew Sarek would wait many years before deciding whether or not he was a good influence.

She just hoped Jim didn't hurt Spock before that happened.

She was also grateful, Sarek didn't mention just how emotional Spock looked, or the fact that she tried blocking his much more keen eyesight from eyeing Spock reaching out to hold Jim's hands.

Instead, Amanda closed her eyes and leaned into her husband's kiss, allowing him to take all her stress and fear for the future away.

They would do their best to look out for Jim, it was all they could do for him. 


	9. Abbadon

He tried not to scream as she snapped his bone back into place. A rush of relief spread through him and then dread as a holler called out behind them. It was so painful. He thought he had experienced fear, thought he had faced it, twice now, on those space ships. He had no reason to live except he kept fighting. 

He didn't know why, only that he was out there and he needed to get away. 

But he knew he couldn't get away. Trying to leave this place put him here. There was no escaping. 

Charlie looked to him, as scared as he was.

“We need to keep going. We have to move.” She was the first good person he had met in the past five months he'd been here. The first person who had helped him since he had been thrown carelessly on this world and by giving him half a loaf of bread, she had cemented herself as someone he could trust.

“I'm a liability, we can't make it to your den like this.”

Charlie looked ready to hit him and she quickly said, “Don't sound like them. We don't leave people behind. I'm not leaving you here.” She quickly put his arm over her shoulders and he found himself surprised that he was listening to her, following her as he did before.

Heart racing, both of them sprinted away from the jeering, hungry crowd calling out for their blood. They passed tortured souls, children who crowded back into the shadows, others so scarred and deformed they couldn't speak or hear or stand the single light that Charlie desperately tried to shine to light their way. This place had worn him down in the two week he had been here. There was so much pain, anger, aching darkness that had seeped into his mind, into his heart. His own grief had mingled with it, twisted in it and he didn't know what was his and what wasn't anymore. There were no shields in his mind, no barriers to his soul.

Exposed, he felt like giving up.

He moaned as he felt more damage to his leg. His whole body was so tired, so sore, it hurt to breath and here he was panting, struggling for breath over his panicking heart.

“There! There, right up ahead!”

Charlie, excited picked up the pace, and he managed to push her before the crude axe was flown at them.

Falling, he gasped, landing hard on the dirt. He crawled, hearing, “Over here, everyone! We got fresh blood!” There were whistles and cheers as the light began to increase from dangerously dim to almost just bright enough, and even that minimal light hurt his eyes.

Charlie surprised him yet again, instead of running for her gate and locking herself in, she stood in front of him on a rock. Her head almost touched the cave's ceiling.

“You want fresh blood,” she snarled out picking up the axe, their first weapon in the past fortnight, “come and get it.”

He thought quickly, injured, he'd be dead within a second. Charlie wasn't a fighter, that's why she was down here.

They'd both be dead in a second.

Blinking, his eyes squinting as the wolves drew near, he reached up for the fallen light. It was econ lighting and it had a Klingon battery inside. Looking down, his hands rubbing on the small, grainy patch of this planet's inner minerals, he quickly came up with a plan, even if he had to die.

Quickly he licked the black grit, tasting sweetness.

He shook as he heard Charlie start to swing against their attackers, eight of them, four hung back, grinning, the others moved from side to side, playing.

For now.

Hands trembling, he hurriedly smashed the light against the ground, trying to make as little movement and sound as possible.

Forget about me, I'm not here, I'm pointless, he thought.

He started biting the cracked exterior and feeling it break, he flung his head back, the pain going through his cheek. Spitting out pieces of metal and blood, he quickly grabbed the clear battery as he emptied the rest of the components out. Stuffing it back in as well as a few grains of teluah he yelled just as a boy, no older than fifteen, rushed at Charlie and flung her to the ground harshly. “I'm going to have fun with you,” the boy said just as he stood.

“Hey!”

Everyone now looked at him and his raised arm.

“Touch either one of us and we all go up in flames!”

Some laughed until the leader, a few fingers missing and several teeth as well, widened his eyes. “How'd you get that?” He asked, eyeing the device. He was pale and obviously knew his way around technology, looking the oldest, he also looked the most murderous.

“Wren, C'mon, we'll get so much for bringing their heads-”

“Enough, we leave.”

Just like that the moment Wren started walking away so too did his group, though reluctantly and snarling back at them.

He was learning, though hating, that those groups were necessary here.

Charlie ran to him and hugged him. “Oh my god, thank you, thank you so stupid, amazing genius. What did you do?”

"This is a Klingon battery, they're explosive with the right type of combination. Chemistry classes." 

Charlie shook her head and smiling she said seriously, "You're insane. Literally."

He was still trying to figure out if it was an insult or compliment as she locked the gate and joined him inside their little alcove. This was the only place he felt safe down here. It was literally hell they had found themselves in.

Him, he had at least done something to deserve this, but Charlie... Charlie curled into him at night and cried.

She didn't.

An hour later, like clockwork, the beeping signified the drones.

Both of them were shaking and with relief they looked up as it slowed at the cave's opening. Only when the drone opened there was only one hypo this time. Charlie looked to him, pale.

Next to the hypo was an advanced bone knitter and a comm that held the message: to the winner, freedom. 

* * *

 

Radak was leaning against the entrance to Abbadon looking as relaxed and pristine as ever. “Ready to get back to training then?”

Feeling nothing but heartache, he asked, "Why are you saving me?" 

Radak raised a brow and smiled, "Both you and the girl were part of my recruits. She would have been quite a fighter herself. Did she attack you or did you kill her before she could?"

He stayed silent.

Shaking his head Radak sighed and said, "You did a good job with that Andorian your first mission out. And now you've killed a friend. You're going to make me proud one day, mark my words. Now ready to go back?" 

He nodded, defeated and weak. 

“Good, no more attitude and don't even think about trying to steal another shuttle, otherwise I'll leave you in here like all the others.”

Radak held his hand out and he slowly gave back the Klingon hand light. 


	10. Draw Me Close

“Mr. Kirk, could you tell me what I just said?” Jim popped up his head and stared at Mr. Henderson blankly. He couldn't.

Shaking his head, he watched as the teacher sighed and the rest of the class snickered and laughed. He looked down, hiding his face from the class.

Mr. Henderson sighed and continued saying, “After class, Mr. Kirk.”

Jim nodded and tried to concentrate better.

“If a over m squared over a m squared equals a over m divided by a, n minus m plus m then-”

Jim let out a breath when the bell rang and slowly picked up his two PADDs. Mr. Henderson spoke to Sara first, explaining the lesson again for the third time while he waited.

When they were alone the teacher sighed and asked, “Are you finding these courses too hard Jim?”

Jim didn't like Mr. Henderson. Firstly, because he talked like Jim was a kid, though he was, but secondly because he always seemed to look at him the way most other adults did. It was starting to really bug him.

“Am I failing?”

The teacher smiled, looking tired and amused before he ran a hand through his salt and pepper hair. “No, no you're not. Actually, do you want to know the score of your mid-exam?” Jim nodded, looking at the teacher's PADD on his desk. It took only a second for him to bring it up and Jim saw he got a ninety-three percent.

Mr. Henderson chuckled and said, “By the look on your face I'd say your disappointed.”

He shrugged, feeling very disappointed, and said, “I was trying to go for the Jacobson Award.” The older man raised his brows and gave he a shocked smile. “Getting a hundred percent in every subject is extremely difficult and it's twice as hard here at Cromwell Academy. You have been applying yourself amazingly and I've heard that you're taking on another after school activity. I just want to make sure you're not pushing yourself too hard.”

Jim smiled and said, “Thanks, but I've got it. Really.” He added as Mr. Henderson continued to stare at him.

The teacher smiled slightly and nodded. “If you need any help at all, you've got my comm number as well as the dean's. And if you want to re-think your plan on not having a tutor-”

“I've got a tutor. He's awesome and he's helping with my science subjects right now.”

Mr. Henderson looked relieved and smiled. “That's good to hear. Well, get on going, I'd hate for you to be late for Xenology club.”

Jim nodded and ran out of the classroom. “No running in school,” echoed after him.

Jim both loved and hated Cromwell. It was so much more advanced than Riverside it truly frightened him but that was the best part. He constantly had to think and was learning something new every hour. Cromwell was one of the best Academys in San Francisco. He had to take four tests to get accepted and Frank had to pay extra because he had entered late. He knew this school was old, parts of it were left standing after the last war and everyone could see the preserved brick walls that were coated in sealer.

The remains of the East Hall were left in the field were the gardeners always scolded at having to cut around the old, crumbled walls and cement foundations that now held a fountain and planters. But the most important thing about Cromwell was that it was a preparatory school and ninety-three percent of the people who graduated went on to become the next Admirals or politicians or famous people who starred in holos.

Jim didn't know what he'd like to do when he was grown up but he also did much care either. He just knew that he liked learning everything here. 

Ian looked up when Jim got to the classroom. Since there were only eighteen eight year old's at Cromwell, they all knew each other, though Jim only liked Ian and Henry. Most of the students tended to be twelve and older, they didn't really interact with the younger kids, only doing so when they had a group project.

Jim quickly climbed the stairs and got into the fifth row to sit next to Ian. “Did you study the last chapter? I heard we have a pop quiz.”

Judging by Ian's frantic tone and the book laying open on his desk, Jim guessed he hadn't read it. He never got upset that the others felt overwhelmed, Jim tended to tutor most of them in stressful deadline situations but he also had Spock.

Spock, who he commed nightly and who always stayed on for hours, most of the time both of them working on homework but sometimes they just talked. He wondered how people did all the course work without having someone like him to help out. Whenever he thought this, he always felt smug and he was smiling when Miss. Grace walked in.

This was the Xenology club and Miss. Grace while giving them pop quiz's and homework didn't really mark them as highly as she did actual classes. She just wanted them to remember what they went over.

This was the one course Jim truly loved right then in his coursework.

“Okay, so we were studying Andoria last class. Can anyone tell me the name of it's moon?”

Trick question, Jim thought excitedly wondering if anyone else would get it, trick question.

“What about you Claire?” Claire; an older red haired girl tried to sink deeper in her chair. Miss. Grace smiled and said, “Well then, we're going to have to let Mr. Eshryn explain it.”

She grinned as an Andorian stepped into the room.

As always, it was terribly awesome.

* * *

 

 “So, what if I change the variable to-”

“Changing it will only make your liquid's charges unstable. I would suggest instead-”

Jim yawned, trying to listen carefully to Spock's explanation. “Jim, perhaps it would be better if you slept and commed me tomorrow.”

“No! It's Friday, I can stay up later.”

“It is not suitable to force yourself to converse with me when we can do so at a more convenient time.”

“We barely speak as it is.”

“We have spoken from 10 am until now, I believe that is all day of Terran time. Also; we speak daily for no less than 3 point four hours.”

“Yeah, but...”

“No. We will speak again tomorrow, only after you have eaten breakfast, I have no wish to repeat last Saturday.”

“I didn't set fire to anything!.”

“I do not believe the eggs agreed with you.”

Jim laughed and sighed, laying down on his bed and sticking up his comm so that they could still see each other.

Yawning, he said, “St-i-ll see me?”

“Yes.”

“Stay on the comm with me?”

“Of course.” Spock said as Jim closed his eyes.

“...Jim?”

Jim blinked opened his eyes and sleepily saw Spock's eyes go a lighter shade.

“Only sixteen weeks left.” 

Jim smiled and closed his eyes, knowing that only when he fell asleep would Spock log off, ending their comm.

* * *

 

 When Jim got up on a rainy, chilly April Saturday he awoke to smell of bacon cooking. Snapping his eyes open, he grinned and jumped up.

As he wandered down the hall he called out, “Bonnie, I thought today was pancake day?” He was still grinning as he halted.

Frank turned around, dressed in a sweater and jeans, he had a flowery apron on top of it.

“Hey Kiddo! I just got back into town, I gave Mrs. Clarke the weekend off so that we could spend the next couple of days together.”

Jim's heart was racing.

“I'm sorry Jim.” Jim looked up, seeing the exposed, sad and guilty expression. “I tried to get here, I wanted to bring Sammy too but he's in an after school math course that took him to New York this weekend. Did he tell you about it?”

He nodded not able to speak yet.

“I'm...I'm gonna get dressed.”

Frank nodded then and called after him, “Breakfast will be ready in five.” Jim tried not to be too nervous. He hadn't seen anyone of his family members in almost a month.

“How's school going for you?” Frank asked as they sat together for breakfast.

“Good.”

“Do you have any favourite courses?”

Jim shrugged and played with his eggs as he fought the urge to squirm.

He was supposed to comm Spock after breakfast.

“How do you like Mrs. Clarke?”

“She's cool.”

Frank sighed and nodded.

“Jim, I'm really trying. I just...I want you to know that. We miss you every day.” Jim glanced up before nodding.

He didn't reply.

* * *

 

“How long will your stepfather be staying with you?”

“I don't know.”

Jim looked away from the screen as he tucked in his legs and leaned back into the bed. Spock's brows lowered and he gave Jim the 'not worried' look.

“Do you wish him to stay? You were complaining five point three weeks ago how your family were not visiting as much.”

Jim sighed and let his head thump against his bed. Frank and Sam used to visit every weekend and Frank would try to make it midweek as well. It had only lasted the first three months. Christmas was the last time Jim had seen his brother. He was only beginning to understand that it was going to take a very long time for him to be allowed back home.

He only just becoming used to being alone.

And Jim hated it fiercely.

Spock allowed the silence to linger and Jim knew he had to answer.

“Lately, I don't know, every time I see him or Sam they just seem...different. I can...I can tell they don't like talking to me and whenever Frank is here...I don't know...I feel heavy and bad. I don't like it. Besides, I like Bonnie.”

Spock now raised a brow and Jim smiled at the expression. “Bonnie Clarke, while a responsible adult, does not follow a structured routine in which a human child needs to flourish. Besides, her age-”

“She only sixty-nine.”

“She does not have enough energy to properly look after you. Or rather chase after you.”

Jim shook his head and said, “Energy has nothing to do with it. I'm not that bad.”

Spock raised a brow and his eyes lightened as he asked, “Have you not manipulated her countless times and told me she was taking naps during some of your misguided adventures?”

Jim sighed and said, “They weren't adventures. You need to have more than one person for it be an actual adventure.”

Spock merely gave him and look and Jim grinned, “I'll show you the proper use of the term this summer.”

"I do not believe that was my point." 

"What can I say, this is me you're talking to?" 

Spock shook his head, while he laughed. 

* * *

 

The days of school, of the past year slowly ticked by. As they got closer to summer, Jim grew more and more busy with homework and crazy exams.

Spock was also given harder Vulcan lessons that Jim for all his smarts had absolutely no idea how to interpret. While he still talked to Spock it was shorter, only an hour to an hour and half a day and almost all of it on their homework and Vulcan language lessons.

Now, it was June and Jim sat on the beach, allowing the hot sun to soak into his already tanned skin. He allowed the easy and relax energy of the people walking to and from and lounging like him, to further let him relax.

“You look worlds better, my boy.”

Jim turned and grinned at Bonnie who sat with a very wide hat to block some of her face from burning. “Thanks. You should go in the water, it's great!” Bonnie chuckled and waved her hand. “You can swim to your hearts content. I.. am perfectly happy here.”

Jim nodded and ran out into the water. He had spent the morning with Henry before his parents picked him up. Like others in their school, he had multiple classes during the summer. Jim had considered it but quickly thought better. He liked his summers and he wanted a break from school for the very first time.

School had kicked his butt, he had worked so hard and Frank had come to see his junior graduation ceremony two days prior. He was now going into a two year general course work, since he started younger than most (Henry's mom said it was a very big advantage) he would go into high school when he turned ten. But since Cromwell offered so many different courses and he didn't have a plan, he'd probably be there just as long as regular school.

Spock didn't mind either, considering Vulcans all graduated at the same time when they were seventeen. 

Jim figured he'd try graduating at the same time or a year later. He'd be fifteen, he figured it was old enough. 

The water lapped over him gently, the gulls were cawing in the distance and he let his own thoughts slow.

The past year had been hard. More hard than he cared to admit. Getting used to Bonnie had been tough and he ran her through several times causing headaches, shaking of the head and getting himself grounded for the first time after the first two weeks.

By October, they had found steady ground and bonded over pastries and chocolate cake at the bakeries. More than school, more than Bonnie, Jim had struggled with feeling so small. The city at times overwhelmed him, the constant fast-paced flow swirled around him until he couldn't breath. In those situations, he couldn't calm himself and it only passed when he got home and laid down.

The feeling wasn't helped by the fact that his family seemed to be slipping away from him.

He felt left behind, no longer wanted, that is, if he had ever been wanted in the first place. He cried more this year than he ever had and once even tried comming his mom directly.

Jim flinched and tore himself away from the memory.

Swimming some laps he allowed the salty water to wash away all of his worries. Or at least bury them.

He might be alone right now but Spock was going to be here in a week and then he'd have his best friend back. Amanda had even told him he could stay over more often and give Mrs. Clarke a much needed break. She had fussed about it before giving in to his needy puppy eyes.

Bonnie could now plan a summer vacation for herself with what Frank had paid her with. 

“Jim!”

Jim wadded and looked up, Bonnie was waving at him.

 As he stepped under the outdoor fountain, he washed the salt off and then towelled his hair roughly.

“Careful now,” Bonnie tsked, “We don't want you looking like you rolled around with a shelat.”

Jim chuckled and said, “It's seh-lat, not she-lat.”

Bonnie mock seriously nodded her head and said, “Of course dear.”

Jim just rolled his eyes but he was surprised that instead of going back home they drove into downtown.

Stopping, Jim glanced at Bonnie wide-eyed and she laughed. “You're papa gave me some money for some goodies.”

Jim bit his lip and felt both good and bad. A strange sensation of happiness and hollowness. He had gotten a new PADD, all new games and anything he asked for. His presents at Christmas and his birthday had been amazing but left him sour.

“You've grown this year, two whole inches and you need some new clothes. We'll go shopping.” Bonnie nodded at the store in front of them.

They spent hours uptown, first shopping and then eating and wandering. Bonnie did have to stop from time to time and Jim grew bored when she met a fellow friend and talked for over an hour; but eventually they made their way back home enjoying the day.

“Thanks, Bonnie.” Jim said quietly as she tucked him in.

“What for?”

Jim laid down as she put away his newest book. He really liked it when she read to him because she could do those silly voices that Frank just couldn't pull off.

“For being here.”

Jim looked away as Bonnie looked back at him. Sitting down next to him, she ran her wrinkled hand through his hair.

“You're a good boy Jim. And you don't have to thank me for anything. Get some sleep.”

She kissed his forehead and then silently left.

* * *

 

It was pancake day. One of Jim's favourites, he was dressed in his new jeans and t-shirt having just received his morning haircut by Bonnie. He had woken up feeling really happy and now three hours later, he was glaring at the back of Bonnie's head.

She was humming and stirring the berry sauce and completely ignoring him.

Without turning around, she started flipping pancakes and called out, “There's no reason to be mad at me, I have nothing to do with it.”

“He's not busy.”

“You can't have anyone's undivided attention one hundred percent of the time, Jim.”

“I don't want anyone's undivided attention.”

“No," Bonnie said as she turned around, “You want Spock's.”

“Hmmp.”

Bonnie smiled and went back to cooking. Not being able to take it he stomped back to his room.

Five days before Spock was supposed to arrive and he was ignoring him. He knew he didn't have any lessons right now and Spock always picked up within seconds. Jim had commed him over and over, getting first worried and then just angry.

Spock didn't want to hang out this summer.

Maybe he had gotten used to just talking to him on the comm. Maybe he remembered how crazy Jim was when they were physically together.

The longer he thought about it the crazier he theories got. Maybe he just doesn't want to be your friend, Jim thought.

“Jim, can you get the door?”

Jim closed his book, kicked his PADD across the floor and angrily went to the door.

Swinging it open, he was about to ask, 'what do you want' when he stopped.

“Surprise!”

Amanda stood behind with Sarek and was holding a package, Spock however was just as speechless as Jim.

“..Hello.”

Jim grinned and swiftly hugged Spock who jumped as if shocked.

Still holding on tightly he said, “Am man, I missed you guys!”

Spock responded by squeezing tighter.


	11. The Second Test

He glided across the floor.

Smiling, shaking hands and laughing. He could fool the best of them. It was easy now, how he had ever believed it hard he now found astonishing.

He could see all of their thoughts on their faces, feel their emotions. A twinkle in their eyes, the tilt of a lip, the slight turn of a head all had meaning. Trying not to feel overly nervous for this test he mingled, he blended in as only he could.

And blending had been one of the most difficult things to learn. He was too different, too exotic and stood out in most crowds. So he adapted.

And once he had done that...well... ...he survived most of those that had been taken with him, hadn't he?

“Now tell me dear, how did you manage?”

The lady smiled, reaching out for his arm and it took everything in him not to flinch away from it.

“Well, you see Melsi,” he leaned in closer, smiling only slightly and whispered, “If I told you, I'd have to kill you.”

Melsi's eyes widened fractionally before she laughed and he stepped away. He bowed his head to his group and slowly began wandering around the ornate ballroom once again.

He hated these tests.

He'd much rather brute force or a space battle, maybe even blowing up some shuttles. But this, where he didn't know who was his target and he had no idea where Radak was was what he hated.

He hated going in blind.

This was to show his past few years of training. If he failed Abbadon would be his next stop and it was not somewhere he wanted to visit once again. He doubted he'd survive more than a night now.

He saw him purely by chance.

Chance.

Luck.

He thought before maybe it didn't exist, he hadn't had it in his life. But this... this was pure luck.

He stopped to collect another flute of champagne and out of the corner of his eye he saw the brush of hands.

A Vulcan showing physical intimacy was not something he expected even in this dark place and it held his undivided attention. Frozen, looking at the tall, dark man more handsome than most here he noticed that they weren't brushing hands, instead they were passing a compact R-B-Nine.

They passed each other and he started to follow the human.

Slowly, he kept perfect pace. He followed the man out into the back rooms. Here people were seated and placing bets on anything and everything. Games, slaves, death matches. All of course in the most sophisticated and wealthiest of temples. All species seemed to be involved, it both fascinated him and was one of the few acts left that could still shock him.

He much preferred being able to just kill everything. It was so much simpler.

Following the man they made their way outside and down narrow streets. He followed for such a long time he wondered if he got it right.

_Had the Vulcan taken the bomb? Had they made him and this was just a distraction? Was he walking into a trap?_

He lost sight of the dark-haired man twice and only caught him the second time by his shadow out of the corner of his eye. Then as the man walked out into a courtyard on the south side of the city he knew he had been right.

This was his target.

Quickly he searched around the central statue, the dark corners of the buildings then up high for any snipers. There had been fifteen of them assigned to this and yet he knew he was alone. He slowly pulled out his grip and pressed the side, quickly and quietly the blade stretched out, lethal and thin, the dark blade barely glinted in the soft moonlight.

He moved along the shadows, the graceful steps long since memorized, his body moving without thought. Keeping his eyes on the man as he crouched down, placing the R-B-Nine on the back of a stone building, he swiftly lunged out throwing a knife he hadn't realized he reached for.

The man turned before he could blink and caught the knife, showing him that he had known he had been followed and watched.

The man stood smiling and drew his own sword.

What followed he hadn't been trained for, the man attacked more fiercely than anyone he had ever fought.

Even Radak would find him a difficult match.

He managed to parry twice before the stinging sensation of a gash seared on his arm.

Turning, he swung, missing wide before getting hit from behind and landing harshly on the cobblestone. Jumping up he missed the blow to his chest and caught the next swing. He quickly forgot his steps, forgot any structure and started to act on instinct.

They fought for less than five minutes and he endured fifteen more wounds, most on his back and legs, but one was deep on his ribs and burned when he breathed. Panting by now, it hurt, and he shook his head to get the sweat from out of his eyes.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked, dumbfounded.

He had been one of the three best in his group, and those two wouldn't have lasted this long. _Why had then been sent against someone obviously way out of their league? Maybe this hadn't been a training exercise, maybe they just wanted the kids dead._

The unknown target circled him, assessing, calculating. He could see it all in his expression, his light eyes glinting hard in the light. Instead of answering him the man lunged and he barely caught the strike aimed his neck. The harsh blow shook his weakening arms and he struck out, slamming his fist into the man's face with as much force as he could put behind it.

He stumbled as the man stepped back. His breathing was the only sound in the secluded courtyard as the target froze and slowly lifted a hand to his lip. Pulling it back he once more smiled as he glanced the blood on his fingers.

"You're impressive for someone so young."

Then to his surprise the man sheathed his weapon and casually leaned against the statue and crossed his arms. He nodded to the building and said calmly, "That building hosts four hundred and seventy-three patients, and over seven hundred staff members currently on duty. Your test wasn't to fight me, it's something altogether different. I want you to push the button and destroy this building and kill every soul inside."

He froze hearing this and turned to look at the old building. From the size and what the man had just said he knew exactly what it was.

"You want me to blow up a hospital? Is there a target inside?"

The man shrugged and didn't reply.

He hesitated, why he couldn't say. He had killed more than he remembered by now. Some were memorable, a child on Danva, a man back home that had screamed himself hoarse, his first kill that long ago Andorian, Tomas, Charlie. But all of them had fought back, all of them had known he was coming.

He realized he never killed anyone in the shadows. Never stabbed a man in the back.

His test.

He glanced at the man who continued to silently stare at him, guessing his next move.

He slowly squeezed his sword and it shot up into the grip, not turning his back he tucked it away into his belt. As he moved he started to notice the burning throughout his body, the tightness of his muscles, the blood sliding down his skin. He was tired, sore, even his eyes felt swollen after hours of concentrating so hard to catch something, anything out of place. He hadn't slept in four days.

Kneeling down, he saw the small disk, there was the switch on the side, a flick and they'd have a few minutes to get out of the way.

It was a masterpiece of a weapon, one he had heard about for months but hadn't witnessed.

Now he was supposed to kill a thousand plus people. Feeling his heart race, his chest tight, he slowly reached out and flicked the switch. It started to hum and he stood turning to face his mysterious general.

Then man tilted his head, almost Vulcan-like in the dark of the night and broke the spell as he smiled and said, "I can see what Radak means when he talks of you. You're very surprising."

He followed the man out of the courtyard, side by side they made a pair as others passed by them unaware. His heart raced with each step that they took out of the back alleys. The man put an arm over his shoulder just as the blast shook the ground beneath them.

He would have fallen, would have clenched his hands to his ears as the sound engulfed everything near them had the general not held him still. He could feel the heat from here and turned to see the all consuming flames soar high and bright into the dark sky. Within moments the black smoke obscured the moon and screams could be heard all over the city.

The man's voice was smooth and conversational, untouched by the sight before them, he said, "Welcome to the next tier, you're now a lieutenant and you can chose a name to be called."

Lieutenant, he thought, killing a thousand people had given him a step up. He nodded to the man, focusing on controlling his awe at the inferno that was quickly consuming the entire south city neighbourhoods.

"Let's get going before the streets start to crowd."

Slowly he followed and they were soon met with the three other generals who looked very disappointed with their prospects. He eyed the others who looked anywhere from angry and jealous to shocked and fearful.

Radak was the only one smiling and he swirled a glass of wine he refused to leave behind. "Very good little one," he said taking a sip, "You've actually managed to impress the Commander himself."

He was still frozen in shock eyes locked on the Commander who stared intently back at him, as they were beamed out of Dela Prime.

He felt as if he had plummeted deeper into T'Varka instead of rising out.

Before he got off the landing pad the Commander lifted the hypo to his neck and asked, "What name are you thinking of?" 

His own came to mind but he knew that was forbidden. 

He thought of twenty seven names, human, Vulcan, Varian, before he settled for, "Saval."

The commander smiled and his eyes- a shade between blue and green- lightened as he replied, "Saval... it's ancient Vulcan, isn't it?" 

His gaze flickered to Radak who merely took another sip, choosing to remain silent. 

The Commander nodded and said, " _Sav-el_...dark, false hope...a good choice for you," then he pressed the hypo into his neck. 

Just like the first time, he didn't feel the sting.


	12. Us, It's All I Need

That summer Jim, Amanda and Sarek all celebrated Spock's birthday very humanly.

Jim even made Spock have some cake (vanilla) and ice cream (also vanilla). Spock suffered through it all and so too did Sarek. There was many raised eyebrows and human laughter.

But Spock really enjoyed the PADD games Jim got him, they focused on super hard math that he still wasn't smart enough to figure out, the cashier didn't even want to sell it to him until he said it was for a Vulcan.

Jim spent most nights now at Spock's. Without commenting or any conversation, it just became natural, so that as the weeks went by it felt more and more like home.

Jim leaned against Spock's headboard, only now getting used to the heat. “Am I smart enough to go to Vulcan?” The random question, in fact the only question asked in the last hour had Spock's head turning towards him quickly.

“You are extremely above the average level of intelligence for a human of your age. You know this.”

“Yeah, but that's not what I asked.”

Spock tilted his head and stopped folding his laundry. “Do I make you feel inadequate?”

Spock looked so worried that Jim couldn't hide his snort. “No, you're super good at explaining things anyway. I just...” Spock came closer and sat next to him. Jim sighed and glanced up at Spock.

“We only spend the summers together, I thought we could...I mean I could...Maggie at school has a friend who lives on Betazed and she visits a couple times a year...”

Spock took a moment before he slowly asked, “You wish to visit my homeworld?”

Jim looked up and said cautiously, “Well... I have winter break and spring break....I just...I know you're really busy all year and I know I can be distracting but I swear I'll be on my best behaviour all the time. I won't embarrass you or anything.”

“Jim, you would never disappoint me. I would very much enjoy showing Vulcan to you.”

Jim's heart skipped and he asked, “Really?”

Spock nodded.

“It would be much too hot to visit from your winter, but spring break could be more beneficial to your health.”

Jim nodded and said, “Yeah, I really don't want to end up in a Vulcan hospital.”

That's how as Jim took a mouthful of curry and rice, Amanda was glancing towards Sarek thoughtfully. “A visit to Vulcan could be educational,” Sarek replied rather slowly. Amanda seemed to jump on it and turned to Jim saying, “We will need written permission from your parents of course. You wouldn't be able to come too soon, it's entering Vulcan's high season, it's gets very hot around ShiKahr and there can be a lot of sand storms.”

“How do you stay there when it's that hot?” Jim asked curiously.

Amanda smiled and glanced at Sarek, replying, “Sometimes I have to I stay inside, we have a place in the city and I use the old tunnels underneath to get to work. There are some seasons, when the storms get very bad, that Sarek takes some off-planet business. That's how we ended up here last summer.”

Jim nodded and said, “So when can I come? I got spring break in March. It's three weeks, is that enough time? I could always get homework and leave a few days early too.”

By the end of the night he had Franks permission and all three of the Greysons were telling him about good sights to see and where he would be taken to. Jim was practically shaking with excitement, so much so that Amanda didn't allow him to have any desert and both him and Spock were sent to bed early (even though they stayed up for another three hours talking about the trip.)

* * *

 

Spock did his best not to stare, however, he found he was failing to hold in the instinct.

Jim his friend, his first friend and as Jim claimed his best friend, was spread out rather obscenely across his bed. Once again it was Spock's bed. This routine was both comforting and disturbing. He understood now that Jim was a more tactile human than some. He touched constantly even so much so that he did so unconsciously when he was excited, curious, asking a question or even sitting down and watching a movie.

A hand would brush his shoulder, a tap to his ribs to get his attention, a pat on the back in mere passing.

Small touching, fleeting, barely noticeable to others.

Except for the fact he was a Vulcan.

Half Vulcan.

Hybrid.

Half-breed.

He had heard the terms many times over the course of the past year. A year in which had been more stressful than he had thought it would be. Since visiting Terra indeed since meeting Jim, Spock had found leaving ninety-four point three seven percent harder than what he had expected at the beginning of the summer last year.

The moment he had lost sight of Jim in the car he felt...more than sad. It had been a loss that he could not rationalize away. He had been frightened Jim would not contact him or would lose interest as he noticed other humans did. He had also felt utterly lonely.

Jim had been and continues to be his only friend.

He was never so...free than when he was with Jim.

Going back to Vulcan had proven this exceptionally. He had not only endured his peers double-worded conversations and blatant disregard for their own philosophies in favour of bigotry; but he had also seen T'Pring's very real disappointment in their bonding. He had expected it, known of it for years but to feel it even for a moment had been no less shocking.

He was unwanted on his planet and seen as a foreigner on this one. And here was his one and only relief.

And he was hogging Spock's bed.

He had a strange sensation of feeling both affection and irritation. Instead of making a logical decision he once more found himself bending his rules, morphing them around this boy.

As Jim had told him last week Vulcans could making most arguments logical, their belief in technicalities greying even the most hard thought of beliefs.

Spock could logic this choice but the sinking feeling of being caught by his parents told him he should put Jim in his own bed.

He brushed those thoughts from his mind, got under the covers as best he could and slowly moved Jim so that his chest was to Jim's back.

Jim grumbled, moved himself into a more comfortable position and kept on sleeping.

March seemed very far away.

* * *

 

The next morning he woke before Jim, a common morning routine for them. Spock's internal awareness told him it was just before dawn and Jim usually slept for another two hours. It crossed his mind to get up and have breakfast with his father or to finish his packing from the day before.

He did neither instead he stayed exactly where he was and let the heat from Jim's body soak into his side.

He was leaving this afternoon.

The summer seemed to have slipped past them, each day eventful, slightly worrisome in Spock's case but regardless it had been...fun.

Slightly ashamed and embarrassed he found himself curling around Jim, savouring the indulgence of being so close. Though Jim had his own spare room he slept most nights beside Spock and by now it seemed normal, he was dreading sleeping alone in Vulcan. It seemed strange and that feeling was altogether curious.

Jim began to stretch a half hour later an indicator he was coming out of his REM sleep.

“Hey,” he mumbled as he turned and rubbed his head against Spock's chest. The scratching feeling caused Spock to shiver slightly and he frowned but still replied, “Good morning.”

One of the most fascinating facts about Jim was how he went from asleep to awake in moments. Though Spock's own mother took twelve point two minutes averagely to come to full alertness, Jim merely blinked a few times, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and was already looking at Spock with bright eyes.

Jim smiled and said, “How's your side doing?”

Spock raised a brow and took in the healing skid marks. Without glancing at them he replied, “They will heal fully in four point two hours.”

Now it was Jim's turn to raise his brows as he shook his head. “You guys heal so fast. Also I'm really sorry.” Spock sighed and ran his hand through Jim's hair. The texture, much different than his own, had begun to fascinate him the previous week when he brushed it by accident.

Jim, Spock had found out, enjoyed the touch.

“There is no need to apologize. You had nothing to do with my falling. However I would caution you to ride responsibly in the future.”

Jim rolled his eyes but was smiling and he nodded slightly.

Spock still was worried, just as worried as he had been when Jim first received his hover bike last month. He saw no logic in why an eight year old should be on such a powerful cycle but Jim had loved it.

Personally, Spock hated the thing and hated the fact that it had been delivered to Jim on Sam's birthday as if that made up for his family not seeing him all summer. His mother and father had both frowned when they noticed Jim not comming Frank anymore but whatever conversations they were having on the matter were strictly private.

“I promise I won't try any more jumps...just yet.” Jim's grin widened and Spock could merely sigh as Jim chuckled.

An hour later they were still in bed and Spock was finding the sentiment both appreciated and slightly irritating.

Jim would not let him move.

He was about to suggest they get up when Jim said quietly, “I just don't want you to leave.” Jim tucked his head even more under Spock's and he barely heard the small voice say, “Everyone leaves.”

Spock held himself still as he closed his eyes feeling his affection and sorrow swell. He wrapped an arm around Jim more tightly, his fingers brushing against Jim's face accidentally.

He tensed, his eyes opening in shock but Jim hadn't noticed anything.

A sudden thought came to him and though he knew it was taken out of context and would most likely be considered wrong he still spoke though hesitantly.

“Jim...There might...be a way for us to not part completely.”

Jim lifted his head from his chest and looked at him with tear filled eyes. Sniffing he asked, “How?”

Spock hesitated, he knew this was a serious act never to be taken lightly and certainly none his age had ever attempted it. Spock was well aware of how much more trained he was telepathically than his peers. Most were only starting in-depth training now at the age of twelve while Spock had begun his at the age seven after two years of training on shields.

He couldn't make a mistake it could physically hurt Jim and himself; if he did something that was too fast or he entered the wrong pathways. He had never melded with a human before, even his mother who was his strongest bond as of now, their own bond wasn't truly touched. He could feel her and sometimes her emotions if they were strong enough but mostly he got senses of pride, love and worry.

Jim's mind even from their touching was strong, Spock's shields had never been so strong as to stop Jim's emotions from effecting him daily.

For a human he felt deeply.

Spock had a passing moment where he wondered if all humans felt this way and wondered about his mother. If Vulcans themselves underestimated humans. 

He braced himself as he felt the weight of Jim's eyes on him. He didn't know how to start a meld with a human, he only knew he had to be very careful.

“Sit up.”

Jim scurried back and sat cross legged in the middle of the bed.

“You remember our talks on Vulcan telepathy?”

Jim nodded, "Yeah, which part?”

Spock was never so grateful for Jim's eidetic memory, almost as good as his own, “All Vulcans are connected in some form. My strongest bonds are with my parents, then my grandmother and uncle and cousins. From there their own bonds also are with me though so lightly I do not feel them unless in a deep meditative state.”

Jim nodded indicating him to continue.

“When a Vulcan cares for another outside his or her immediate clan they can perform a shallow meld in which will bond the two-”

“You want to marry me? Woah, Spock-”

“No.”

Jim's eyes were wide and he snapped his mouth shut as Spock narrowed his eyes trying to think of a way to explain something that was so different to a human than to Vulcans.

“It is not that sort of bond,” Spock explained, “Merely...it accepts you into my clan in this instance. It is a very light bonding, you will feel my mind only slightly when we're together. The distance between Vulcan and Terra however will stretch it, you won't feel any of my emotions or thoughts but my presence will be at the back of your mind. It might be beneficial for calming your emotions.”

Spock frowned at the end not quite satisfied but Jim merely cocked his head and replied, “Huh...So you want to...well kinda...like make me your brother?”

Spock had not considered how a human would try to understand telepathic bonds...in a way it was a fair assessment.

Spock nodded and said, “You can call it that.”

Jim smiled and said, “That's so cool. How do we do that?”

Jim was patient for the first time that summer as he waited for Spock to brace himself. He couldn't enter Jim's mind feeling any emotion too powerfully. He had no wish to scare his friend or to hurt either one of them.

Slowly he positioned his fingers on Jim's meld points, he took his time carefully letting down some of his shields while putting up others. He could feel Jim's curiosity, excitement, his worry and sadness.

Jim was a born emitter, he was curious to see how strong Jim's own empathic abilities stretched to. He knew Jim was affected by others emotions, knew how in sync he was with Spock or anyone close to him. But as a human he wouldn't be too powerful certainly nothing truly telepathic.

Spock had tried this multiple times by now, fourteen times with his father, twenty-eight times with his tutor, and thirty-two times with T'Pau herself. This was an extremely high number of melds performed especially for a Vulcan his age. It was only due to his mixed heritage that he had been given any melding lessons so young. Most wouldn't start for another year or two.

He was grateful now for all of those harsh lessons that had often left him weak for days.

He slowly moved his consciousness forward and watched distantly as Jim's eyes widened and they slowly merged into one.

They both inhaled sharply.

“Whoa,” Jim breathed.

Spock felt the same.

He had never entered a mind so quickly, so fluidly or easily. But almost immediately Spock felt mentally blinded.

Jim's mind was overwhelming, how he surged up blocking all other thought for Spock and the disorientation lasted a moment before Spock gained control.

He hadn't thought a human's mind being so strong or so quick to pick up on the telepathic link between them.

However this was Jim and if nothing else he was surprising.

Jim grinned feeling and hearing that thought.

“This is so cool,” he whispered fearing the breaking of the link.

Spock nodded.

Curious Spock started to explore his friend's mind gently.

It was a confusing mess of chaos to him and caused Jim to laugh. Between thoughts of being angry with Spock for winning their last chess game or missing him when he was gone were thoughts and memories of his family, of school or of the science channel they watched last night with Sarek.

There were no true boundaries, Jim's mind bounced from one thought and memory to the other, he could tell there were layers underneath; old memories and older thoughts that didn't have much relevance.

He then felt Jim wandering through his ordered halls, the shape, form and ordered thoughts completely different from Jim. But Jim found his human qualities as well and instead of shying away did the opposite and made Spock open up more. 

It was extremely fascinating and they spent some time going back and forth communicating. Though Spock had experienced this off and on in his life mostly from his father's reprimand when he had emotional tantrums; Jim had never before experienced anything of the like and quickly Spock could feel his excitement and happiness.

When the meld came to an end with Spock tying them together both stared at each other in awe.

It was only then after they exchanged thoughts, worries and assurances that Spock realized how Jim reached out telepathically to him. How familiar his mind already felt.

For a moment they just sat silent, feeling that light presence in the back of their minds.

Spock let his hand fall back down and then Jim launched himself at him, tightening his arms in a fierce hug.

“Spock, you're so amazing.”

Spock tightened his own arms around Jim's body, too emotional to reply.

But Jim could feel it this close, words were unnecessary.

* * *

 

 

Jim concentrated all his might on that tiny, little space in his mind. 

He wanted to block it all out, he wanted to go back to three weeks ago when he was in Vulcan. 

Even if Sarek now hated him for making Spock act emotionally. Even if Spock had been ashamed and silent to him for days. 

He was sorry. 

He was so sorry. 

He tried not to cry, clutching the metal chair beneath him so hard his hands were going white. 

He didn't want to be alone and alone he was. 

There was beeping around him, the talk and chatter of many voices, people walking around him, glancing at him, frowning, wondering. 

Wondering...what happened next? 

What happened to him?

He looked up as the lady came up to him holding a juice box. 

He hated juice boxes. 

"Don't worry Jimmy, your dad is on the way." 

"I don't have a dad." 

Syv arched her brow at him.

"My dad died the day I was born." 

She winced at that and he would have smiled if he could. 

He was more occupied on that distant almost ghost-like feeling. 

_'Spock, Spock, Spock. Please. Please talk to me again.'_

He needed him. Needed his brother. 

Sam was gone, Frank was gone, his mom had never been there and now...now Bonnie was gone too. 

He blinked and felt Syv wrap an awkward arm around him. 

Sniffing, he turned every thought to Spock. 

He didn't think about the hot sand beneath his feet, or the sun that had given him heat stroke. He didn't think about Spock getting into a fight with Stonn who had insulted both Amanda and him. He tried his best not to think of Spock not meeting his eyes, his split lip scabbing. 

Instead, he thought about that first night in Vulcan, when he felt Spock's hands reach out to hug him. 

Suddenly, he felt it. 

So quickly it shocked him, Jim hissed as his head banged against the wall behind him.

 _'Jim?'_  

Spock. 

Spock could feel him. 

He did end up crying then, overwhelmed and exhausted. 

_'I am here Jim. Calm down...I am here.'_


	13. Ghost

Lights were flashing, sirens blaring and the shaking of the ship jostled him from side to side. 

Radak looked tense as he tried to stabilize the ship. He shot a glance back and he nodded back.

Fingers flying he was acting out of instinct and half known facts. The panel in front of him was flickering with controls, deck five and seven lost, breaches on decks three and five. The research lab was gone as was the training room. 

Luckily, the holding room was secure. 

"We need to land!" cried the man next to him. 

Landing was not possible. Not here. And definitely not now. 

Radak snarled as another hit shook the ship. 

"If you wish to land boy, I'll throw you out myself!"

He couldn't help but feel slight surprise over his general's show of emotion. 

It just showed everyone how dire their circumstances were. 

And then he had an idea. 

Turning around and gaining whiplash for it he called out. "Land!"

Radak turned sharply to him. Expecting a phaser to be pointed in his direction, he was surprised to see Radak was even slightly open to suggestions. 

"What?" 

"Land! Trust me." 

The crashed rather than landed. On the radiated side of Qo'nos they made a craters as the ship skidded along once ragged cliffs. Just as quickly they were surrounded by a legion of Klingons. 

Losing twenty-five members they were left with eighty-four. 

Within the first hour that number halved. 

The second saw him, Radak, Axi and Jane lead fifteen members onto a Klingon warbird. 

He jumped into the command chair and started to fly the ship. 

His heart was racing, the cuts and bruises lacing his body only then started to ache. The broken rib made his breathing hurt sharply. 

Radak stared at him beside him but didn't object to his taking control. 

He jerked the ship a few times, not used to piloting anything that actually left the ground. 

By the third hour they slumped, adrenaline easing out of them as they came out of Klingon territory. 

Radak nodded to him, not approvingly but not angry either.

Adrian started laughing. Everyone turned to him and he shook his head.

The warbird was shot to hell, the walls dented but not breached, the screen cracked. They had been within an inch of dying, multiple times.

Give it to Adrian to find humour in that.

The older human clapped him on the shoulder and smiled wolfishly, a rather crazed look in his eyes. 

"Fucking hell, I can't believe you pulled that off. I seriously expected to be dead this morning...You know. You'd make a fine damn Ghost. Can I borrow him?" 

"He hasn't yet passed his second test yet." Radak replied. 

He tried his best to hide his surprise at now knowing there would be more, harsher challenges ahead. 

Adrian raised his brows and asked, "You're running missions and haven't got a name yet?" 

He shrugged not knowing what else to say. 

"I can see why he's with you. Give him one job with us when he's ready, yeah?" 

Radak raised his brow and looking exceptionally Vulcan said, "Ghost's die too quickly and I've spent too many years making him." 

Adrian rolled his eyes, "I'm still here." 

Radak raised his brow and replied, "Are you?" 

Adrian turned to him, still smiling and said, "Whenever your ready, kid, I'll show you some moves that this prude wouldn't even recognize." 

He'd never heard of that branch but he gave Radak a look and then slowly, only half sure, said, "I'll contact you." 

Adrian's manic grin widened. 

 


	14. Yours

Spock tried his best to hold in his anxiety. He knew he should speak to an adult, a healer, his father, but every time he thought he would; instead he hid it deeper. It was disturbing how easily he had now dismissed logic.

He hadn't spoken to Jim face-to-face in months though from their bond he could feel Jim's anger, his anxiety, his worry. The emotions shouldn't even be possible. Every time he meditated the bond was warm, bright and strangely strong.

At times Spock could feel Jim, could hear what he was saying, the thoughts slower than his own but now familiar and clear.

It was a strange thing, an impossible thing, Jim was human, he hadn't considered that the bond would grow, he hadn't considered that it was possible to touch minds a galaxy apart.

Yet, for them it was.

And he was grateful.

* * *

 Jim had run away again.

That much Spock knew as he concentrated on Jim's raging emotions.

'Jim you must go back.'

'Stay out of my head Spock.'

'I am only concerned for your well-being. Please Jim, you should not be out on your own at night.'

Jim didn't voice it but from their connection Spock caught on to the underneath thoughts of his brother. He was lonely and angry and going back to that woman that Spock did not in any way approve of.

Though Frank had stayed for awhile after Bonnie had passed away, he soon had to leave and so Jim had gone through three nannies in the past weeks.

A month ago he had met one Helen Jacobs a young woman not much older than twenty-four. She was kind and considerate, attentive and caring, Spock had no objection to her personality.

He did however have an objection to her knowing how to look after another being. Especially one being as young and as intelligent as James. She was poor, there was no good way of putting it. Helen had spent her life being abused before running away herself and ending up in a condo across town from where Jim lived. She was nice enough but it was the company she surrounded herself with that worried Spock. Men whom Spock was certain made a salary from illegal activities. He had no wish for Jim to get involved with this type of crowd. However, Jim was stubborn and ignored him.

Spock came out of his meditation irritated.

He would be back on Terra in a fortnight, they would discuss Jim's irrational behaviour then. And Spock could keep his eye on him.

He had to brace himself as he made his way downstairs. Jim was aware of his strong emotions and was embarrassed but quiet. He was thankful that Jim didn't complain or try to talk him out of it.

“Mother,” Spock called as he neared the library. She looked up from the PADD in front of her and so too did his father at his own desk. “Mother...Father...I wish to speak to you about this summer.”

“Is this about James?” Sarek asked.

Spock nodded and replied, “I understand my behaviour three point two months previously was unacceptable. However, I have meditated much on my actions and have increased my shielding twenty point two percent in recent weeks.” Amanda frowned but Sarek nodded understanding. “James is currently with a... as I understand in Terran terms, a caregiver in which a guardian pays to watch over him.”

Now it was Sarek's turn to frown slightly, looking as perplexed as Spock had ever seen him.

“A nanny?” Amanda asked, giving Sarek a look.

“What happened to Frank staying with him after... after what happened?”

“He did, although from what I understand, he had pressing matters at work and with Winona and George to see to. I am here to request that Jim stay with us while we are on Terra.”

“You wish James to stay the entire summer in our care?” Sarek stated his brow raised.

Spock nodded and stood as composed as he could. He would not show emotions now. Amanda and Sarek shared a glance and Amanda said, “We would need Frank's permission Spock. Directly from him, maybe even in writing. If anything happens to Jim while he stays with us, we're liable.” Spock couldn't help the relief that swelled up before he blocked it. “With his permission would Jim be able to stay?”

He didn't show how nervous he was, how worried if they said no. Spock needed Jim beside him, he wouldn't be safe for long where he stayed now. His parents were silent for awhile before his mother sighed and said, “Let us talk about it. We'll give you a confirmed answer tomorrow. Then you can comm Jim at a reasonable time.”

Spock nodded and made his way outside to I-Chaya. He sniffed at Spock's hand waiting for a treat and Spock almost smiled. Jim had given I-Chaya a treat every time he woke or right before he went to bed, when I-Chaya completed a simple task that Jim was overly impressed by (not understanding that the sehlats were much more intelligent than Terran animals) and again when I-Chaya looked 'cute' as Jim called him.

Now he was almost ruined.

I-Chaya expected treats from everyone and so when Spock had nothing to offer the large sehlat huffed and laid back down, though he did move so that he was touching Spock comfortably.

I-Chaya scratched at the scar that laced his side and then promptly fell asleep. Spock shook his head, amused and content. He sat and spent the rest of the evening with I-Chaya's warmth soaking into his lap and Jim's warmth soaking through his mind.

* * *

 

Jim was ready to jump out of his skin.

Watching the ships come in was excruciating. Helen had told him not to come so early with a smile on her face. But he was so excited, and nervous, very nervous. The last time he had seen Spock, Spock had a split lip and was withdrawn. Although they spoke everyday either on the comms or through their minds, Jim was still worried. He didn't want to upset Spock's family any more. But he did assure Jim that Jim could stay the summer.

The whole summer.

Frank had agreed to it, he even talked to Amanda and Sarek directly. The fact that Jim had gone through so many nanny's by now seemed to make Frank willing to try anything at this point. It seemed a very long time ago that Spock and Jim had met.

Jim had grown inches and Spock...well Amanda said he'd be growing a lot by next summer...but the fact that it had only been two years. Spock would be turning twelve next week. And Jim...well he was starting to feel a lot older than nine.

Soon he was standing on his tiptoes, trying not to get pushed and squished by passer-by’s. Amanda came out first with Spock between her and Sarek. Jim couldn't contain himself any longer.

He didn't forget his promise to Spock, to try his best to control himself, but he just reacted. Spock sensed him and turned to him even before Spock saw him. And instead of frowning or tensing, Spock let Jim jump into his arms and give him a big bear hug.

Stepping back Jim tried to stop the grin from forming and maybe half succeeded but from Spock's amusement flashing through him, he probably failed and just looked silly.

“I'm glad you're all back.”

Jim couldn't help but latch onto Spock and though Spock was more subtle than him he didn't truly push him away.

The spent the first week going on trips that Amanda and him had planned for Spock to see. Then surprising both Spock and Jim, Amanda and Sarek took them for a trip to Africa.

Spock's thirteenth birthday was spent in very oppressive heat which Spock and Sarek thoroughly enjoyed though they still wore light sweaters. They all went on a safari sighting and even Sarek looked like he kind of enjoyed it. Camping out in the middle of nowhere Jim breathed in deeply. The air was crisp at night and slightly cooler though not by much. He stayed close to the fire in case of snakes and the cabins were right at his back.

Finally, as the sun officially set the mosquitoes calmed down a bit Amanda and Sarek had gone inside, Amanda claiming she was getting eaten, he could see her poke her head out every other minute though, concerned about the two of them, even if they were only five steps away and she kept the door open, behind the screen the soft light glowed onto the porch.

“I like it here.” Jim said as he prodded the fire, still full from his marshmallows.

“It has been very peaceful. I too have found it enjoyable.”

Jim smiled and caught sight of Spock in the firelight. He looked older, with sharper features that the shadows created.

He looked beautiful.

At that Jim turned sharply and Spock looked over at him, his attention held. “Jim, are you all right?”

He felt Spock's curiosity and worry as his embarrassment flooded him. “It's fine. Nothing. I'm gonna go to bed.”

Jim was still red as he got ready for bed. He tried his best not to think of that again. Spock was his best friend. His brother. There was no reason to be embarrassed around him.

For the first time in two weeks Jim climbed into his own bed and made sure the net was securely set. For some reason the bugs didn't like the Vulcans and so they could sleep and walk around not bothered. Jim and Amanda however seemed to attract swarms of them, of all kinds too.

The first day he had woken up here there had been a huge spider crawling up his blankets and his alarm had woken up Spock who had to take it outside before Jim would move a muscle.

Jim flopped down, lying flat on his back to feel the full force of the temp controls. Like usual he made sure Spock was comfortable so he never set it as high as he would like but tonight it was slightly cooler.

He could hear Spock say his good-nights to his parents leaving them in the living quarters before coming to their share room.

Spock stilled as he came in though. He needed no adjustment time for his eyesight and Jim once more grew nervous.

Spock's mind suddenly seemed distant and he couldn't feel him almost at all. He tensed and looked over at the shadow that was Spock still frozen by the closed door.

“Jim?” Spock voice was quiet, hesitant in a way it hadn't been for a long time.

He seemed suddenly unsure. Worried, Jim say up and replied, “Yeah?”

Walking toward him he only saw Spock's face when he was close lit up from the moonlight coming in through the window. “Are you upset with me?” Jim shook his head, frowning. “Of course not.” He saw Spock do his not-frowning expression and a flash of confusion went across their bond.

Spock nodded and turned, getting ready himself he was much quieter than Jim. “Hey Spock?” Spock turned to look at him as he got into his own bed. “Thank you...you know...for being here.” Jim swallowed as his chest tightened. Spock hesitated once more before moving towards him. Jim's eyes widened as he parted the net and said, “Move over.”

Smiling, Jim wiggled over to the opposite side and let Spock into bed. Quickly, moving in a familiar routine they turned and Jim relaxed as Spock cool body covered his. This he knew they were getting too old for this but it was nice and Jim always slept better, he found he tossed and turned too much when he was alone. The fact that Spock had come to him for the first time ever made it seem that much more comfortable, that much more cherished.

He promised himself he'd sleep in his own bed for the rest of the trip.

He wasn't a kid any longer.

The next few days were full of activity, they went on hikes on trails and horse back riding that only Amanda really enjoyed by the end of it. Spock on the fifth day saved him from a snake attacking him, but in defence of the snake, Jim had accidentally almost stepped on his tail. They travelled north to Morocco at the end of the two weeks and went shopping in the markets.

It was here that Jim made his first mistake. Though he was completely innocent.

He stopped to talk to a Caitian merchant selling blends of desert spices and Caitian clover. It would be really good in Amanda's chili's and lasagna's. He bought some after talking to her for several minutes and bringing her down a few credits. Looking up he didn't see Amanda or Spock. Sarek was at a Vulcan Embassy here in a meeting.

Was it four rights and a left to get there?

Or was it three rights a left and then another right?

He hadn't been paying attention, too engrossed in the sounds and exotic sellers. Slightly panicked his mind raced until sense stopped him. He closed his eyes and reached out.

'Stay where you are.'

He sighed in relief and waited. Not two minutes later Spock was leading his mother and another adult back to him. Amanda looked frantic, looking everywhere and speaking quickly, “Spock we don't know if he's here. What if he wondered back? Are you sure this is the same street, oh god I can't believe I turned my back for one second-”

She stopped seeing him and ran to him.

Surprised he couldn't even brace for the tight hug she gave him. Holding his breath he hugged her back.

“Sorry,” he chocked out.

“Don't you ever worry me like that again! It's so easy to get lost here, we were on the opposite street before we knew it. I'm so sorry Jim, the crowd pushed us.”

“I do believe this would be a good time to retire for the day.” Spock said nudging closer to him and Amanda straightened.

It was only then that Jim noticed that Spock was almost as tall as his mom now and after he noticed that he looked around at the native woman who smiled at him.

“Yes." Replied Amanda, "Yanna do you want to see the Embassy? I know you've always been curious.” The lady who was Amanda's age grinned and Jim took notice of the girl next to her. A year or two older than him she had the same brown eyes but her hair was darker and her build leaner. “Jim this is Yanna, we went to Star Fleet together a life time ago. She works for Star Fleet here. And this is Cya her niece.”

Jim nodded a hello and both smiled back at him.

A girl hanging out with them was weird.

It had been Jim and Spock for so long they didn't exactly know how to entertain other people. But they were very happy to learn that Cya was smart, not as smart as Jim in computers but smarter in talking. She spoke a lot like Spock and he liked her right away. She also learned just as fast as Jim if not faster.

Which ended up being both cool and annoying.

He watched for a week as she and Spock went over Vulcan languages. While Jim had taken two years to learn all three dialects and he was just figuring out the second Romulan dialect, Cya seemed to soak in words.

He scolded on the last day unable to hide his relief that they would be leaving soon.

As he flopped down on the couch, all legs and arms, Spock raised his brow at him. “That was not very polite, James.”

“I don't wanna be polite, Spock.”

Now Spock frowned and came to sit down with him. “You do not like Cya. She has done nothing to warrant such emotions from you.”

Jim sighed and said, “I know. She's smart and she likes the games we play,” Jim glanced at his PADD, she had even beat his high score, “she's actually really cool. I just...I can't stand her.”

Spock tilted his head, his eyes narrowed sadly, “No matter how much time I spend on Terra there are certain human aspects in which I cannot understand.”

Jim smiled and then chuckled sadly, “Don't try to figure it out Spock. I don't know why I don't like her, I just don't.” Bolting up Spock moved back surprised at his sudden movement. “You didn't take her comm number, did you? She doesn't want... to like keep in touch or something?” Spock blinked and then replied slowly, “Cya and Yanna did not ask for any contact information. It is my belief from overhearing their conversations with mother and father that they are moving to Caxen Prime for Cya's education. She would be much too busy to maintain any acquaintanceship’s outside of her studies.”

Jim's mouth gaped and he said, “Oh. Okay. Damn she's going to Caxen?”

Spock now looked smug and Jim just shook his head. Caxen made his school look like kindergarten. She really was awesome. But at least he wouldn't ever see her again. Spock reached out and smoothed Jim's hair where it stuck up from his hands brushing through it. He leaned into Spock's cooler hand and sighed.

“I think I'm ready to go back home.”

Spock nodded and spoke slowly, “Jim...you need not fear. Not matter what...you will not lose me.” Jim froze and looked down into his lap. Spock was really too smart sometimes. “I know you wish to learn everything about different races and worlds. So you should know Vulcans feel very deeply.” Jim looked up to give a dry look at Spock. He knew that, he felt Spock's emotions and even being half human his emotions were Vulcan deep.

Sometimes Spock had a flare that would bring tears to Jim's eyes or make him throw the nearest object across the room. It would always leave quickly but Jim would never forget it. “Then you should know when we befriend someone, we care about them deeply. I would never throw away our relationship for anything. I will do my best that we remain as we are.”

“Even when you go to the VSA and become some huge Vulcan leader and you have no time for silly humans?” Spock's lips twitched and Jim felt a burst of amusement and affection. “I may be short on time but I am sure a Vulcan leader can schedule a hour or so of free time a day.”

And to push his point Spock tapped Jim's temple. “After all, Vulcan's pride themselves on family values.”

Jim grinned and feeling his chest tighten he, without thought, leaned in and kissed Spock.


	15. Left for Dead

He didn't know whether or not he'd ever be what he was. 

There was a gaping hole straight through his being. Black and endless it seemed to stretch so wide he was afraid if he closed his eyes he'd fall into it. 

Agony was a word strong enough to describe it. 

He had lost something that was more important than a limb. 

He couldn't seem to find his way back to resembling anything okay. 

Eyes dry, face devoid of all expression, he looked up over the arched ceiling and around the brick walls. 

His agony, his echoing screams, the furious rage and despair were sinking into that hole. 

As he sat up slowly the haze in his head began to fade. 

He was alone. 

That hit him hard. 

Alone. 

Eyes wide he searched for a door but the only exit were three arched windows opposite him. From the light it seemed close to nightfall though since he didn't know where he was it could have been any time of day. 

Not believing he was still capable of movement, still capable of living, breathing, he got his legs working under him though he stumbled and found out he was trembling. 

The window showed him a great city, a foreign one, like the old Moroccan city he had once visited with houses and great alien towers rising up all on top of each other. Skywalks connected fortresses together and in the distance he saw blowing sand and mountains. 

A hidden door slide open and a man in black approached. 

"Ah, you're awake finally. Thought we lost you there for a bit. Are you ready?" 

Hollow and dumb he asked, "What? Ready for what?"

The man smiled and it came off as frightening, he spoke calmly though, "For your new life of course. Come, I'll take you to your master." 

He tried his best to fight but still weak he barely made an impact before the man easily took hold and still holding him walked out of his last sanctuary. 

A wall was building, thick and harsh, it rose in his mind. It surrounded his fear, every longing and ache. 

He knew it wouldn't hold off the fear coursing through him at that moment as he was led down unfamiliar halls but at least it would hide the gaping wound in his soul. 

He prayed he'd never have to look at it not until he got out of here and got back home. 

Desperately he thought of some way to escape and hoped against hope he'd get away.


	16. That Awkward Phase

That summer seemed a lazy one. The days went by slowly and both boys were grateful. Jim wanted to stretch summer as far as it would go even asking Amanda if Spock could go to school here for a year.

Amanda frowned and looked sad as she said, “I'm sorry Jim but Spock requires a special type of schooling. I'm afraid at this point he'd be too advanced for a Terran school. And he's now undertaking more specific Vulcan lessons that...well...only Vulcans are capable of teaching. It's just not possible.” Indeed Spock seemed to have a lot of homework that summer. He spent most mornings leaning over multiple PADDS, Jim stopped asking about them now very, very far behind. He didn't even understand the basic explanations of the crazy looking numbers and letters.

Against his will Jim was still kept up to date on his studies. Spock questions him about math, science, and even Terran history. The latter, he was terrible at if it went more than a century back. “You are forgetting what caused the Third World War. Though the awareness of spliced humans came into general knowledge in the early twenty-first century, they did not cause full problems until after they were deemed as subhuman. It was both the leaders miss-communication as well as public fear in which made America lash out as well as it's allies. Where did the first bombs go off?”

Jim, laying on his back on the floor tried to think...Southern Africa where General Hector resided? Or was it Peru where it was still a desert even today? “Um...” Spock shut his eyes and shook his head.

Jim tried his best to hid his smile.

“You will be studying more than math and science this year Jim. You need to stay ahead of all your subjects.” Jim sighed, knowing Spock would be more reluctant to give him answers this year. “Yeah, okay, okay. Let's see World War Three broke out two hundred or so years ago..twenty twenty-ish. They bombed...Switzerland! It was Zurich where the eugenics where having a meeting with the International Council. That caused World War Three because they killed a lot of humans in it too. That war lasted seven years before the eugenics won, only for their leader to be betrayed a year after that. Humans got the upper hand here in San Fransico and started a resistance which lead to the two decade long Dark Period of barely any technology and the bombing of a hell of a lot countries. The population went down to less than one billion people throughout the thirty years. And humans were barely bouncing back from that when Vulcan made contact and basically saved us from ourselves in twenty one oh-two.”

Spock's lips twitched and he raised his head. “Which movie did you get that from?”

Jim turned his head and grinned, “Uh...Dark Age Rising?” Jim chuckled as Spock once again just shook his head. “Very good at remembering, although you should be doing better than what you are. Unlike most of your classmates you are capable of memorizing this information much easier.”

“Yeah...but why? It's not like we're going to need it. The eugenics were put to death. There hasn't been a war in like a hundred years and if we ever got stupid again Vulcan and Adorian and even the damned Tellarites would stop us.”

“Perhaps and perhaps not.”

Jim sat up facing Spock who was on his mat. “What do you mean?”

“V'tas moriek wak'laohan.”

Jim frowned and translated slowly, “What must be is necessary?” Spock nodded. “Vulcans believe that sometimes it is not enough to learn academically. One must experience either failures or accomplishments in order to succeed. What needs to happen will happen. If humans need a war in order to learn from it, to become better from it, Vulcan may allow it depending on the circumstances and that it stayed Terran bound.”

Jim gaped and blinked. “But...I mean you'd save me right?” For a moment Spock and Jim stared at each other, Jim's heart lurched and Spock's eyes glanced to his lips. Everything unsaid rised between them.

Jim was the first to look away and tried to hide the red in his face.

“Indeed Jim.”

He went even more red after that.

* * *

 

This was becoming troublesome.

Spock eyed Jim warily from a distance. Since (as he labelled it) The Incident earlier in the summer Jim had made progress in decreasing his touching and though they didn't speak of it, he hadn't made any more...advances towards him. Nothing had truly changed between them. Not truly. Although why Spock felt a pressure on his chest every time Jim moved away from him was confusing him.

He had never thought of any particular person in a romantic sense. He was only thirteen point two years old. He had another forty to fifty years at least before he'd bond. Although he knew what was expected for the future he had never truly thought of it. And not once thought of a human kiss being involved.

Spock glanced down unable to look at his friend while still feeling his lips tingle.

“Spock!”

It was the only warning he had before he was drenched with water. Opening his eyes, he saw Jim grinning just before he ran away with an empty bucket swinging in his arms. Spock gave chase before he could think better of it. He caught Jim easily enough and the younger boy kicked and laughed and then gasped as he saw where Spock was heading.

“No! C'mon Spock! It's not fair!”

Fighting was pointless against his Vulcan strength but Jim did and continued right until Spock threw him into the ocean. He almost smiled though he managed to stop the muscles from stretching.

Jim popped up, shaking his head and then looking up at him. “Not fair!”

“I do not believe fair is in your vocabulary.”

Jim grinned and swan the few feet to the rock where Spock was standing. Helping him up, Spock only just got the sensations of a warning right before Jim surprised him and tripped him. He had a lurching feeling right before he hit the icy water.

Below the water it was quiet and he felt Jim's glee, his laugh was the only clear sound. Swimming to the surface he breathed deeply and wiped the water from his face.

Indeed, Jim was laughing and grinning. “Sorry, but I had to.” Jim helped him up and they stood stiff ready for the next assault.

“I'll stop if you stop.” Jim said, hands half raised to fend off any shoves. Spock raised a brow and replied, “If I believed that you would I would recede, however, I do believe you are lying in this instance.”

The breeze, warm to Jim, now seemed icy to him as it slid across his bare chest and soaking shorts. He should have kept on his shirt regardless of what Jim had said.

“How could you say such a thing?” Jim asked, eyes wide. 

If he had not seen the performance before he would be shamed. Instead, he merely gave Jim a look which made his smile become a smirk.

Jim launched at him, trying to throw him back in the water but this time, expecting it, Spock held his ground easily. From under his breath, Spock heard Jim say, “Damn Vulcans...not fair...” He smiled and picked up Jim in a hold that stopped his arms from lashing out and hurting both of them.

Before Spock could achieve his goal his mother called out.

Spock stilled with Jim still thrashing, the call was too far away from human ears but Spock...He shook his head and set Jim down. The move made Jim still as well and look back to him confused.

'Mother is calling.' He said mentally.

Jim sighed and then shivered. “Alright, c'mon. Next time you have to surf though.”

As they walked Jim's mood gradually changed. His shoulders slumped, his head went down and Spock could feel his mind trying to distance itself from his. It had taken weeks to convince Jim to go to the beach, Amanda thought it would be good for both of them but Spock knew Jim was thinking about Bonnie coming here.

He stopped them far enough away from the crowd and his parents and put his arm over him protectively. He couldn't say why he acted so...humanly...but his friend needed him and the distance between them seemed to be great even when they were so physically close to one another.

Jim looked up surprised.

“Mrs. Clarke cared for you and for that I'm grateful. It'll take time but one day you will be able to remember her without sadness lingering so deeply.” Jim's eyes were dark but he tried to smile and nudged in closer to him. “And you know that how?”

Spock frowned now and said, “I felt the breaking of my uncle's bond when I was five. And from my father, when I was younger and didn't know how to properly shield I felt the gap where my cousin's bond should have been.”

Jim looked up at him, sympathy clear in his eyes and he wrapped his arms around him. “I'm sorry Spock.”

Used to the unnecessary saying Spock inclined his head, grateful anyway. “It happened before my birth. My family was not always so small. My father remembers clearly his brother and his nephew. Fourteen years previously my cousin disappeared, it damped the bond between his parents and my uncle passed rather early in life for a Vulcan.”

Jim nodded and they met Amanda and Sarek whom looked rather impatient at waiting for so long.

* * *

 

“News of the attack comes after the ship Kali was destroyed in the Della Asteroid Belt. This will make the fifty-second disappearance of Vulcans in the last century.”

“Jaq, could you tell us what was destroyed and if any are injured?”

Spock felt the heat of Jim come closer and felt his worry over their bond. He was about to reach out when he caught himself. Instead he sent some calm thoughts to his friend and did his best to block out his own worry. The news channel kept his attention however as the woman, Jaq, kept speaking about his home.

“There was a temple in Raal that was levelled although I do not have any information on any deaths at this time. There is a combined effort of Star Fleet and the Vulcan High Council that is trying their best to find the ten year old Gir T'Vosh.” Before she could continue Amanda flicked off the channel.

Both boys turned sharply to her and looking tense she said, “I don't want to hear any more of this. Your father is worried enough and you two shouldn't watching this anyway.” Both boys were shooed upstairs as she started to make dinner.

Spock caught the news channel being turned back on right before he entered his room.

Jim was looking only slightly better with Spock mentally shushing him.

“Do you think they'll find him?” Spock shook his head mentally replying, 'We could hope. However the reporter was correct in stating that this wasn't the first disappearance and I doubt it will be the last. No one has been found as of yet.”

Jim breathed out deeply and looked at him, his expression sad. 'How are you doing?'

Spock let out a sigh and stepped closer to Jim, hesitantly he opened his mind he let Jim feel all of his emotions. His sadness at the attack, his worry over his father who was now working on the case, the distant echo of a Vulcan's grief and a gap in which did not touch him and yet disturbed him enough he'd need to meditate soon.

Jim stepped into his space and reached up to touch his temple, Spock could sense all of his curiosity and heard Jim asked, 'Can you feel every Vulcan death?'

Spock looked down and spoke aloud, trying his best to explain, he sat them down on his bed, “Vulcans are usually telepathically attached to their mothers from the womb the moment their brains are capable of processing the connection. Usually around three to four months along. Then they are melded with their father's when they are born. From those two connections the infants connect through grandparents, aunts, uncles and through them to their bondmates and their families. We feel a sense of connection with all Vulcans. Some, those at which are radical, can distant themselves greatly but even so if they are bound to any Vulcan currently known on Vulcan then they are attached in some form, yes. We do...in some form feel those deaths.”

Spock closed his eyes and concentrated on his bonds.

Jim's was bright, brighter than any other he held and that surprised him. He stopped in shock and took it all in. The bonds in which his human side always mentally pictured cords and knots. Jim's was coiled so tightly he doubted now he'd be able to break it by himself.

What was meant to be a loose tie between them had wrapped into something he had never seen before. It puzzled him but didn't frighten him too much. Logically it would have grown stronger since they used it so consistently, they had focused intensely on it for some months now and since it proved so beneficial to their moods and relationship Spock saw no need to tell anyone about it.

Next to that was his mother's bond to whom he hadn't been connected to until after he had been melded with his father. T'pau was after Sarek's and it was just as strong if not as warm as his father's. But beyond his closest connections came a sensation of more. It wasn't identifiable but he could feel them.

They stretched out like a web. Some connected to his father through distant relations and his, as Jim would call, friends. Then through his mother, those close friends she had made when she first came to live on Vulcan and those who had connected with her. Stretching out, some lit up with recognition, others were shadows, unknown and yet apart of him in a sense of his own being, his own core.

The thought of living without this as humans did, so detached and adrift, caused a sudden wave of fear and appreciation. He had no idea how they lived so alone.

“Wow,” Jim breathed and Spock opened his eyes.

Jim's eyes were wide in wonder and Spock was surprised that he had instinctively led Jim with him.

“Did you feel them?” He asked curious.

Jim nodded and once more reached out to him. Spock couldn't stop the gasp that came out when Jim surprised him by running his finger gently around his ear. Wonder and strong affection surged through him.

He swallowed and looked away.

“Sorry.” Jim mumbled before snatching his hand back.

It took a few moments for Spock to collect his thoughts, his own rising blood to his cheeks and ignore the tingle that Jim's fingers had left on his skin.

Jim stood up and faced away from his before slowly turning around. “Spock?”

“Yes, Jim?”

“You have to be careful now. If they could get to Raal they can get to Shikahr.”

He nodded, although he found that idea to be unlikely. Vulcan's were extremely hard to capture and subdue, it was why whenever something of this nature happened it received so much attention. Shikahr was where the High Council resided, only one disappearance had ever taken place there. And that had been a hundred years previously.

Besides, the Varians were not known to strike twice on a planet consecutively. And with so much action taking place in order to find the boy, in order to stop these attacks on ships, planets and colonies, Spock doubted he'd see his father for more than an hour for the rest of the summer.

That night Jim crawled into his bed.

Proving himself wrong and acting completely illogical, he wrapped his arm around Jim and didn't speak a word against it.

* * *

 

 Spock paced back and forth once again.

He had a stray thought of wearing out the rug underneath him. Angrily he doubled his efforts to concentrate once again on the bond.

Jim had been communicating fine with him for the past four months, in fact, communication had become easier even a galaxy away. Spock could feel Jim as if he was right by his side. Many times he had to raise a shield to stop his mind from focusing on Jim's at inappropriate times, such as when he was in school.

But after Jim's winter break he had cut Spock off.

Completely.

Suddenly.

It had lurched him out of meditation and he had been lucky he had not been in public at the time.

Now Spock was trying to carefully scratch away at the barrier. Four hours of examination had left him baffled.

At first he thought Jim had been mentally attacked but on his initial probing saw that Jim himself had erected the shield. The fact that Jim could mentally shield him was surprising, the fact that he had built something so strong and complex had shocked him.

Spock, trying to get through the barrier without hurting Jim, growled as it proved to be exceedingly difficult. Why was Jim blocking him? Had he done anything wrong? What was Jim thinking? What had happened?

 They had a good winter break, they spoke to each other for hours every day. Jim had even been excited that Helen had gotten him Christmas presents. And Jim had spent half an afternoon justifying the old holiday that while no longer teaching their children about fat men in red suits humans still used it as a gift giving holiday. Spock had argued against it to him but still was happy when Jim received his gift in the mail a few days later. His mother had also enjoyed more gifts as usual since Jim had sent them all one each. His father had merely raised a brow at his new signed astrophysics book.

Spock had even given Jim three days of leaving him alone about moving in with Helen instead of staying with the eleventh nanny.

Neither of them had mentioned the fact that Frank had not commed Jim that day. The good mood though wasn't too dulled by it. Jim had a competition after the holidays and while Spock had concentrated hard on not distracting Jim with his worry as he took his new hoover bike into a race.

But after a few days into the school year with Jim's tenth birthday just passing, Jim had suddenly acted against him.

Spock lasted nineteen days before he began losing concentration in his classes. Mediation was becoming more difficult and it was taking a toll on his sleeping patterns as well.

Although Sarek and full blooded Vulcans could go up to a fortnight without sleep, Spock had discovered that he needed sleep for three hours every third to forth night. For the most part mediation was sufficient.

Spock tried to concentrate harder on the equation in front of him and mentally moved away from the icy wall.

He would comm Jim tomorrow again and this time he would keep comming until he picked up.

* * *

 

Jim tried not to tear up. His head was killing him and he felt more alone now than he had ever in his life.

He missed Spock.

He missed Helen.

He even missed his small storage room that worked as his bedroom. He turned over and hissed over at Owen, “Owen...hey, stop it.”

Owen started out his sleep, mumbled, “So...rry,” before falling back asleep and immediately picked up his snoring.

Jim sighed and hoped for morning.

The Charity House was full of boys like him, most were true orphans, others had run away from worse situations than Jim could ever dream of. He wouldn't even be here if it hadn't been for Ethan.

Ethan the nephew of Helen's boyfriend had been hanging around the apartment for the past couple of months much to Spock's annoyance. He smirked still at Spock's insistence that he stay away from him. But in all honesty Spock had been right.

Ethan had come around his place at midnight and Jim had stupidly gone out with him to the store to get popcorn for the movie marathon still going on. Helen and George had been out so the fact that Ethan had started stealing from the cashier, even pointing a phaser at the man, had not only shocked him but left him a being an accomplice.

And he had no one to come to his rescue either.

Ethan had gotten away, Jim had not.

Luckily he had no priors and he had been instead ordered to stay at a boys home for thirty days.

Embarrassed, shameful and feeling guilty he blocked out Spock before he could find out.

He knew he would, Jim just wanted to delay it until he was out of here.

And come the morning he would be.

He turned again towards that spot where Spock was supposed to be. He hissed feeling pain lace through him.

It was cold, really cold.

And it was the cause of his headache that had been aching behind his eyes for the past three weeks.

God he missed Spock.

The calm way he talked to him through their bond, the way his brow twitched when he was annoyed, the lightening of his eyes when he smiled only not really smiled. It ached with how much he missed feeling as if Spock was right next to him. Spock was always trying to make things better, to give him advice or to stop him from doing something stupid. He missed having help with his homework, with just feeling him.

He forgot what it was like being alone in his head and he now hated it.

It didn't help that he started dreaming about him. Embarrassed he couldn't even stop the blush from heating up his face while he was huddled in bed. Jim had kissed him. Actually kissed him and it had been a complete accident. But he liked it. Spock's lips were surprisingly soft and now strangely addictive. He had thought of it a few times last summer but more now that he was noticing others his age or slightly older making out or holding hands down the halls at school.

Spock he realized would be turning thirteen now.

Many of the thirteen year old's at school started dating. Did Vulcans date? Did they kiss or was that something to only pursue when they were getting married? He knew they didn't bond at early ages but surely they didn't wait that long just to make out? Shaking his head he tried to refocus his thoughts.

The light outside was started to show as dawn came. He sat up and spent the next hour not thinking of Spock, the pain in his head or Spock's lips. That morning he walked down San Francisco's busy streets and stopped at a park. He put his bag down and slowly, cringing against the pain he tried his best to knock down the wall he had built somehow.

It hurt but actually crumbled quickly.

The speed at which Spock's mind barrelled into his own made him cry out. Spock's mind was in turmoil but he still tried to sooth him. Spock's emotions however were unguarded and were too strong, washing over him and nearly blocking everything out.

Jim felt himself curl up under the strain. Slowly both of them calmed and then came the utter relief both shared that made Jim shiver.

'Jim? What happened? Are you okay?' Spock's voice even through their minds was filled with worry.

'I'm fine Spock. It was...It was just hard.'

Not wanting Spock to see the last month he thought, 'I'm so sorry. Really sorry, Spock. I had to. I'm sorry. When can I see you?'

He could almost feel Spock slump and he replied, 'How close are you to a PADD?'

Jim laughed out loud startling a few runners near him.

* * *

 

The last part of the year raced by.

Before he knew it Jim had his exams and making up for his lacking midterm marks he aced all of them. Mr. Lacey his new mathematics teacher nodded at him and said, “I hope you're doing better now. Let's keep this up, yes?”

Jim nodded and waved goodbye.

He emptied out his locker beside all the other students, the halls full of noise and laughter. Everyone was relaxed now that all the stress was over. Ian turned to look at him and asked, “Have any plans for the summer?”

“Yeah, I'm staying with Spock and his family.” Ian nodded and let his head fall back against his now empty locker. “That's so cool. I wish I knew Vulcans, they're so secretive.”

Jim nodded absently.

“Do they know that you were arrested?” Henry asked on his other side.

Jim winced and said quickly, “I wasn't charged with anything.”

“Yeah but you were in the back of a cop car.” Ian said not being able to stay quiet.

“And I was able to still come to school. It's not even worth mentioning.” Jim said as he stuffed the last textbook into his bag.

“C'mon let's go.” They talked a little as they walked down the halls being bumped into. “I'll see you guys and make sure you comm me!” He called as they separated at the front entrance.

Jim only halted as he came near the gates.

Spock and Amanda stood by a black car. Jim broke out in a run and Spock met him taking the full force of his weight as he hugged him. “How'd you keep that from me?” Jim asked smiling. Spock's eyes were practically twinkling as he said, “There is a proper way to shield against information.”

Jim cringed again but was able to brish it off slightly better. 'Sorry.'

He knew there was a lot more forgiving to go through this summer but at least now they were together.

Jim glanced at Spock's lips by accident and then glanced away, his cheeks going red.


	17. Disintegration

Author's Note:

Okay guys, the childhood story wasn't supposed to be sooo long. So I'm going to try to wrap it up now. We're going to get a bit darker though I have a lot of different versions for the next part in the story. We'll all see where that leads. Uphead we got some violence (it's actually harder to write than I realized so I don't know how dark that'll get SORRY) and we'll be getting into smut as well. **This is under age**. Really under age here. It's meant to be here though, it has meaning to the story and was kinda necessary considering what happens to one of our characters soon. 

I hope you enjoy and keep on reading and keep on liking/commenting. I LOVE to hear from all of you!

* * *

 

There was a smell of rotting meat. Decay and stench so foul it turned even the generals stomachs.

Saval tried his best not to gag as he inhaled. After the countless bodies he'd left in his wake, the phaser and knife wounds adorning his body, all the cries and gurgles and dead eyes staring back at him; it would be this that would be his undoing.

The ground was soft and soaked with blood, piss and fluids from who-knew-what-wounds.

Smoke hit his nose last, barely strong enough to cover the mass smell of death. He'd never get it out and sighed when he realized he'd have to burn his clothes.

"You did this all by yourself?" Radak asked, eyebrow raised in grudge filled respect. 

Saval shrugged overseeing his crew of fifteen as well as Radak's thirty-five, as they piled a city of corpses into mass graves. 

"It wasn't too hard once we stopped the shipments of food supply."

"You starved them first?"

Saval wiped a cloth across his upper lip trying to get as much ointment on it as possible.

"No, I tortured them and then starved them." He replied and nodded towards arena to his left.

Many emotions stirred through him, shallow and hollow after all the years that past. He felt his men's disgust as they handled ripped apart former humanoids. He felt their fear of him, of Radak he  felt the least amount. He was grateful for that. 

His own emotions were constantly being buried lately and not by his own choosing like he used to. It would have frightened him but he had to be alone now to feel that. 

Radak led the way, graceful and carefree as if he were strolling across a park and not a scene of hell. Bombs had gone off in perfect order, destroying everything to rubble and craters. It had been enough to fracture the province but not kill it. His mission had been to break this small planet. In less than six months he obliterated it off any star map. 

They now had less than six hours before Star Fleet would get here. 

The arena was dreadful, he caught the flicker of shock that flashed across Radak's eyes. 

The leaders of the colony were crucified, flayed and their skins were nailed into their shoulders like capes. The eyes, fingers and genitals were laid out at the bottom of the crosses. 

That hadn't shocked the Vulcan.

They were still breathing, still alive and would last the next eight hours. 

He had his flaws and putting on a show was one of them. 

After all, he laid out those pieces of them to spell out his name. 

"Impressive...if arrogant." 

"I did what I was told. The Commander didn't give me specifics so I took it upon myself." Saval kept his gaze on Radak, willing the older man to look at him. 

Radak did turn and gave him a scrutinizing look. 

He knew the questions unspoken.

Was Saval a liability? Was he truly insane like the others said? Why did I act so rashly?  

And most importantly...What will he do next? 

Radak's thoughts were written in his eyes. He was becoming familiar finally. 

It seemed odd to him for another to become familiar while he was losing himself. He was unravelling, he felt it for years now but mostly the last. He couldn't hide it, couldn't run from it any further. The demon was catching up ready to pounce and swallow him whole. 

The darkness would consume and no one knew what he would be when he emerged. 

Hollow. Soulless. The greatest killer in the history of T'Varka. 

He'd be a legend. 

He'd be dead in less than a year. 

Saval another crazy to add to the never ending list. 

"Do you feel anything?" Radak finally asked. 

The question left him unbalanced. 

Radak knew him best. Tutored and trained by the man, he should know. 

"You threw me into Abbadon. You should know." 

The Vulcan leaned against the wall and continued to stare at him. 

"That was a long time ago now. And those injections always do have side effects as you now figured out. I know you've always had a shield around your mind but I also know you can't block it all. You can feel them," Radak nodded towards his victims, "If you go close enough you can feel their agony, their torn skin, their pressure on breathing, their hell. Every time I got you to kill you're eyes widened right at the end as they disappeared. I know you feel it but I'm asking you...can you feel your own or are you afraid of what you'll find?" 

Saval breathed in the scent of death of loss and fear and agony. 

A furious roll of rage, of disgust and a flash of despair crossed his core but as always now...it flickered out. 

"I don't know." He answered truthfully, no longer able to look his master in the eye. 

"Be careful Saval. Everything that rises, falls eventually." 

* * *

Muffles called out, whimpers and he tsked as his scalpel nicked bone.

It was meticulous work.   

He slowly scraped off the meat from the bone and grew impatient as it kept on shaking under his care. 

"Hold still!" He snapped. 

No matter how many ropes he placed, the man wouldn't stop. The beeping from the machines told him heart rate, blood pressure, brain activity and he had so many medicines pumping into the Caitian he wondered how the man could still be awake. 

His blue eyes looked back at him wide, red and glazed over, bulges of pink veins and blotches of discoloured skin popped out from his pale skin. He tried to scream but had no energy as he scraped more tissue away. Learning the bodies of the different races was his lesson for this week and he would complete it as fast as possible. 

It had been six months since his last shot and he wouldn't fail. 

Not now. 

Not when he was so close. 

He lasted a few hours before he finally surrendered to the shock. 

Saval wiped his hands and took off his bloody apron. Making his way to the front of the shop, he froze. 

His heart lurched, his whole body seemed to have been shocked. Mouth dry and eyes wide he turned to the holo screen and there _he_ was. 

_Dear god!_

He blinked and felt those hands wrap around him just as he dreamed every night. 

In a flash the image changed making him feel rooted to the spot, he continued to stare, seeing him a whole galaxy away and completely separate. 

"The Vulcan ship Duhkuh Seleya was attacked by the Varians five hours ago near Hector Prime. If it hadn't been for the USS Enterprise and the Vulcan military Yarahla ship, Seleya and it's one hundred and seven passengers could have fallen victim as so many others have. All Vulcans are accounted for and only two souls were lost during the rescue. Heroes all of them, back to you Victor." 

Vulcan...Earth... _Him_..it seared across his memories, seared through clumsy his shield and made him fall to his knees. 

He was alone. He was alone and that meant all the chaos in his mind, in his chest, those emotions raging up...they were his. 

He gasped under the weight. 

 


	18. Sometimes...Change is Messy

Jim spent the next year quickly learning how to shield his thoughts. Spock taught him better techniques that wouldn't hurt either of them. He learned it quicker than Spock thought and soon was capable of actually surprising the Vulcan with making breakfast while Spock meditated. It proved useful but they also learned that it became uncomfortable after a day. Spock could also break through his small shields easily if he truly wanted. 

"You are very adept at telepathic lessons, however, you are still human and humans were never biologically intended to have telepathic abilities. As I am Vulcan and telepathic born, I will always be able to delve into your mind, or indeed, that of any other human." 

Jim just took the compliment for what it was. He knew he was different than others and while it bugged him sometimes, it was becoming his reality. 

That summer him and Spock once again spent every day together. When Jim had invited his friends to hang out with them it always ended up with Spock somehow not understanding or not fitting in. And it always ended with Jim making it up to him by ignoring his friends for a week afterwards.

By the summer's end Jim couldn't take his heart lurching so much and his overwhelming butterflies. He ended up quickly launching himself at Spock two days before he was about to leave. Spock had tensed when he kissed him for the second time but Jim lingered a second longer before backing away. Jim spent the next day cursing himself as Spock meditated longer than usual.

But right before Spock left he surprised Jim by leaning down and kissing him. It froze Jim to his spot and he spent a few seconds feeling dumb by not being able to process what had happened.

And Jim spent the school year going back to those thoughts in between his increasing homework, comms and shutting himself in his closet to silence the shouts coming from the living room. He spent a lot of his time shut away recently. It seemed with each year that passed the emotions of others grew stronger. The testing at school confirmed what he always knew. Right before the holidays it came back.

Ian and Henry had widened their eyes as he and two other Deltans were selected for a off campus course. There on the PADD it read:

James Tiberius Kirk

Esper levels 93

Aperception quotient 21/105.

It was the second highest in recorded history for a full blooded human. His classmates were impressed and many more were worried and asked if he could feel their emotions that second. His teacher however, winced at his score and kept silent. At least one person understood.

It was explained to him by a betazoid-human hybrid that humans with his abilities tended to stay at a level they reached after puberty.

Jim, Ren explained when they were alone, would still have a few years left before his abilities stabilized.

"As long as you don't overwhelm yourself in the next couple of years, you'll be okay, don't try reaching out but don't try blocking everyone too-it'll get worse when it comes out in a rush. There is also a centre on Park Dale, they are all empaths and all know what your going through. When you do feel the pressure of everyone around you...that's a safe place to head." 

Ren gave him the card with the comm number and an address. 

He couldn't block it any more anyway. Helen's emotions tended to dim when she was on something and he kept his friendships at school for the most part now. The rest of the days he felt drained and worn out. 

The centre when he visited was a cool space, made for lounging with pillows all over the floor. It was airy but the people there were either sleeping or huddled together. A few were in nooks in the walls, crying or reading a book. He noticed straight away how light the atmosphere was...then he noticed it was because each of them were blocking. 

It was as if he were back on Vulcan and couldn't feel anything. 

It was wonderful. 

By the time he left four hours later he had a prescription for his increasing panic attacks and Hannah also stated should he ever feel depressed he'd be given another prescription for it. For the rest of the school year he spent at least an hour there daily.

Jim's eleventh birthday came and went with memories he did his best to shut out.

He had experienced his first beer that he had gagged on before (after two) starting to appreciate. He started noticing other kids who came and went throughout the apartment, Helen's new boyfriend Aron always drank and had a stash of every drug Jim believed to exist. It was Aron who laughed when he saw Jim's eye widen at a strange shirtless man that had come out of their bathroom in the morning and teased him about 'loving the boys'.

It was also Aron who held out a tube and Jim tipped back his head to catch the powder in his mouth.

His birthday had been a blur of stars and colours.

Spock had yet to fully forgive him for that.

By the time Spring Break came Spock had somehow convinced Amanda to visit.

How he had done it, Jim would never find out but he was grateful.

The blasting music was hard to study by and the sirens outside always kept him up late at night.

Those nine days were a blessing. Amanda was more quiet than usual and Sarek was absent but Jim took no heed. Instead, he made fun of Spock's toque and saw that he was wearing his present, the blue scarf looking very nice next to his black overcoat.

They slept side by side even though Jim had sneaked into Spock's bedroom. He always slept better with Spock's cool chest to his back and the heavy arm pressing him close.

No matter how the day went between them or if they were in a fight, at night it all slipped away and they could just be together.

It was also at night that Jim found the courage to lean in close and slowly capture Spock's lips. For the first time it lingered longer than a second. He could feel the hesitancy in Spock's mind, feel his reluctance. But Jim also saw underneath to the joy and need.

Spock felt the same butterflies as him.

One kiss turned to two and by the ninth day, Jim pressed himself close to Spock crushing his lips against the Vulcan's. Spock breathed deeply before Jim felt a wave of desire.

It flared up in both of them just before he felt Spock's hand weave through his hair, pressing him closer. Jim opened his mouth like he's seen Helen do with her boyfriends and licked Spock's lips.

Spock's eyes opened in shock and they both froze.

Jim was on top of Spock both of them breathing hard and then Jim felt the one thing that made him go beet red.

He was hard.

Embarrassed he looked down, ready to curl up and die. It had happened more often than not this year since he realized touching himself could be so awesome. But now it felt like he was on fire. He needed to touch it, to rub against something.

And knowing Spock could feel him, that he could easily rub against him, made him almost whimper with the need to do so.

Spock's breath caught and Jim moved away.

It took them a long time to relax and longer to fall into a light doze.

* * *

 

The summer Spock turned fourteen was awesome and horrible. Jim won his competition against the seventeen year old Jeremy 'Jackass' in his hoover bike race. He had crashed off a ten foot jump, however, and earned himself a scar above his eyebrow for his win.

Amanda had fretted with how much he had bled. When he said he was done with racing now it surprised everyone, even Spock.

“I just wanted to shove it in his face. Here take this, it's heavy.” Spock merely shook his head too used to his crazy ways to be irritated as he took the tall trophy and walked him back to the car.

Jim even talked to Sam for the first time in over a year.

He was older looking, darker now than he used to be. Sam had been surprised at his appearance as well. He had grown a lot over the year, but it'd still be awhile until he grew into himself. The conversation was stilted but honest. Jim actually felt good when they logged off.

Sam would be moving off-world and he was jealous but happy for him. Their mom had gotten reassigned to the Paris headquarters working on something important. She was good, Sam said, better than he had ever seen her.

Jim tried his best not to think of that since he couldn't remember what she looked like anymore.

Frank was moving with her but he had joined the conversation in between and while he looked more guilty than reassured he did say he'd make sure Jim was taken care of and that he was happy Jim was well.

Jim had just shrugged, not disbelieving, but he also didn't have the energy anymore trying to logic his family any more.

Spock stayed by his side and kissed his temple when Jim leaned into him.

He was content if not happy.

* * *

 

He realized how much he felt for Spock when he started to push him away.

Not entirely, not really but Jim knew Spock felt guilty kissing him, shameful even.

He knew he should stop but something, something bigger than him seemed to take over when they were together. And when Spock turned to look at him in a certain way it made his whole body light up until he had to act.

“Jim, enough,” Spock rasped out as he roughly turned his head.

Breathing hard, Jim let his head fall to Spock's chest. He couldn't help but feel the pang in his chest, his mouth still tasting Spock's slightly tangy taste. He licked his lips and nodded.

“Sorry.” He managed to keep his hands and eyes appropriately reserved and it wasn't until he was buying school books and looking at another year by himself did he allow himself to break.

Spock held him tightly and it was proving harder and harder to let go each year.

He wanted to be older. He wanted his own place. He wanted a soft bed every night not just in the summer. He wanted his own money to buy his own things. He wanted Spock to stay. And he really wanted the power to go.

Spock turned them over, surprising him by leaning above him in the bed.

Slowly, carefully he caressed his tears away.

“Oh Jim, I am sorry.” Spock let his head touch his and Jim felt all of his longing double back to him.

Breaking his own rules, Spock leaned forward and gently kissed Jim's cheeks, his eyelashes brushing against his face. “I wish I could take you with me.” He whispered right before descending once again.

This kiss was different from the ones they had shared. Crushing and passionate, Jim let his hands roam around Spock's neck and then grab into his soft, silky hair. Their tongues intertwined and this time there was a finesse to it that didn't distract him, instead, it urged him further and he lifted his head to battle for dominance.

He bit Spock's lip gently making the Vulcan back off just enough to see the sharp gaze, heated and dark, directed at him making him smile in response.

Slyly, Jim let his hand wander, only to capture Spock's and curled their fingers around each other.

Spock's eyes widened and his gaze lost the predatory look as he gazed their fingers slide against one another.

Jim felt that heat from Spock's mind flare up and the tingles he had felt increased to shock him straight to his core.

Just when he thought he pushed Spock too far and he'd end up with bruised lips, Spock launched himself not closer but farther away from him. The coldness that swept over him made him sit up.

“What? What's wrong?”

Spock, now at the end of the bed, shook his head and after licking his lips he said, “I...I have to meditate. Good night.”

Quickly, his friend left him and sat stiff and straight-backed, facing away from him.

* * *

 

Jim learned the expression, learned what it meant to have a complex, almost adult relationship.

He learned what 'complicated' was.

He swung from elated to depressed, excited and then nervous. He knew why people still made holos about relationships, why all the poets went on and on about their feelings.

Spock...Spock inspired him, confused him, made him rethink everything.

Whether it was making him more confident with a compliment genuinely given or when he found himself questioning everything he did or said when Spock was disappointed in him. It made him dizzy with the amount of clashing emotions battling each other.

He started venturing out more too.

Whenever Spock blocked him or pushed him away throughout the year he found out he was vindictive. He would take Hentrix root again and black them both out or wander out at two in the morning when he knew Spock was awake and at school himself.

Or, as like right now, he would crash to the floor.

The boy laughed and Jim grinned.

He tried make a shield this time but lips crashed against his and it barely withstood his awkward concentration. Either way it didn't matter the moment Ian touched him, Spock was in his head.

It was terrible but a small part of him liked it, relished in it.

Ian was taller than him and having known him for so long now made this natural. The fact that Ian had made it obvious he was crushing on him this year made it easy.

Jim turned them over and straddled Ian and before he could do much else he froze.

Ian palmed him through his jeans and his breath caught.

The darker haired boy grinned seeing his eyes widen.

“You ever go this far?” Ian asked, his voice rough and not like itself.

Jim shook his head and swallowed. He braced himself even when Ian leaned in slowly and kissed him chastely.

“Don't worry, I've got you.” Ian whispered as he unbuttoned his jeans. He brushed against him the same moment a tidal wave of hatred swept over him.

He yelped and instinctively threw himself backward. Harshly, he hit the wall next to him.

“Shit, you okay?”

Jim nodded blinking away black spots and half aware mumbled out an apology before he bolted out of the bedroom.

Spock's rage didn't lesson until he was a block away.

'What do you think you were doing?'

Jim gasped.

Even a galaxy away he felt fearful for the first time as he heard Spock's snarl in his ears. 'Are you doing this purposely to hurt me?' Following that question, he felt Spock's mind tumble over itself before he quickly snapped out, 'How far would you have gone?'

The snarl was furious, almost at a yell and it made his eyes water.

Jim let his head fall against the cold brick behind him and shut his eyes to the headache slowly spreading.

'I don't know,' he answered truthfully. 'I wouldn't have had sex with him.'

Even the idea grossed him out.

But that thought made Spock pause and slowly he gained control over himself, Jim could still feel the nasty emotions bubbling underneath though.

'Why did you act in such a matter?'

There were plenty reasons but he knew most were pointless to a Vulcan.

He was curious and Ian had been there.

He had been bored, angry, lonely and he hated Spock for pushing him away every time he tried to get closer.

Lately, all they did was talk about homework. He knew he pushed it last summer, knew he wasn't wanted.

All above all reasons; he hated not being wanted.

'Maybe I'm just a little shit and can't help it.'

The angry words caught Spock off guard and just as angrily he raised a much better wall and blocked the Vulcan out.

* * *

 

A week later the wall was still in place.

His relationship with Ian though wasn't. Apparently, running out on his friend-who-wanted-more wasn't the best move, him and Henry stayed away from him for the last month of school.

Before he knew it, he was staring up at his ceiling in his makeshift bedroom. The string of lights were half out so the light was dim. Ren had told him not to block out his own emotions and he knew he had to face this. 

Sighing, tired and very alone, he slowly let the wall crumble again.

Spock was distant, hesitant.

'I'm sorry.' Jim said softly.

He almost heard the answering sigh and smiled to himself.

'I do not want you...interacting like that with others. Are we...are we still going to see each other for the summer?'

Spock's reply surprised him.

Somehow, he hadn't pictured not spending the summer with him, no matter if they were fighting or not. Spock was always just there.

He swallowed and replied, 'If you want and I won't anymore.'

'I will see you in five Terran days. Get some sleep Jim.'

It wasn't the warmest of responses but Spock didn't turn away from him and Jim kept his mind open. It was the best sleep he had in days.

* * *

 

Spock slammed him against the wall and it made Jim gasp.

How this had become so addicting he did not know but everytime he raised his shields and told himself that it was inappropriate, wrong, he could not hold those thoughts the moment Jim looked at him a certain way or came too close.

The boy could make his shields crumble without a word. It worried him more and more.

Stressed and angry, he couldn't help his emotional reaction.

Jim arched against him, heat seeped into Spock's skin and he growled before instinctively biting Jim's soft skin right where his neck met shoulder. It caused a delicious sound to escape Jim's throat and desire snapped up in both of them.

“Spock,” Jim moaned, his entire concentration focused on Spock's body surrounding his, Spock's hands pinning his against the wall. Spock could feel the strong pull of need welling up in his friend. Could feel the tug of the hands that wanted to wander over his body. 

Three weeks together and Spock was ready to throw out everything that he believed in.

It cooled his own fire building within him and quickly he moved them. Jim's surprise tickled his mind as he lurched away from the wall.

Spock pinned him against the desk opposite, with Jim's back to his chest. He once more bit his neck, the white buttoned shirt causing slight annoyance, he had an urge to rip it away and held it in check, barely. He instead pushed Jim down flat against the polished desk.

This needed to be quick, he needed restraint.

He was only fourteen, he remembered. Jim was only eleven.

He shouldn't even be doing this.

He was older than Jim, he was Vulcan. He had a mate already.

Thoughts clouded his mind but he still reached across them, still quickly pulled at Jim's pants, still reacted when Jim pushed back against him, squirming. The heat, the need flooded through him until he didn't know what he was feeling and what Jim was.

Having only done this twice now, he leaned down over Jim, almost a mockery of how they had slept every summer for years. He breathed against those alien ears and watched as the blonde shivered.

“Why must you push me so?” He caught Jim's bright eye as he turned slightly to look at him. Jim's red, swollen lips twitched as he replied roughly, truthfully, “I love the way look when I do,” and Spock shut his eyes trying to block against his primal urges.

He quickly shoved his hand underneath Jim's briefs and touched him. Jim grunted, still getting used to someone else doing this for him. As always, Spock was caught of guard by his own actions.

Half of him was ashamed, disgusted even. The guilt at being so emotional, so illogical and so...not Vulcan ate at him, gnawed at his mind and morals. Yet the other half, the larger half of him wanted more and instead of quickly pumping as he had just three days ago when they had once again gotten into a yelling match at each other, he slowly allowed his fingers to glide across the dry, hot skin.

Jim was now trembling underneath him, his skin starting to sweat underneath his clothes. Spock should have allowed him to take off his jacket but perhaps a night of unpleasantness would do him some good.

He smirked as he felt Jim's mixed emotions; his embarrassment over being in this position, his desire at being in the same position with Spock's hand touching him, his other pinning his hands to the table; his glee at making Spock do this.

And his....smugness.

Jim was...proud almost.

Spock nipped Jim's ear right before he closed his hand around him.

It was different than anything he had done before. The first time had been on the night they had seen each other. Hurried, in the dark, it had been quiet a mixture of need and embarrassment. The second had been too quick, and had been over before both of them could think more of it.

This was better than both, slow and yet no less passionate.

Spock felt...powerful.

Everything was different now, as if kissing had somehow muted their logic and brought every emotion into stark contrast. They both loved it and yet even Spock could feel Jim's fear.

He didn't even try to lie to himself.

Feeling Jim thrust against him, knowing the heated weight in his hand, he had already memorized the texture, the skin that folded at the tip, the silky softness that came when Jim leaked allowing his hand a better glide. It was different than his own and prior to this summer he had never thought to touch himself for pleasure.

He had memorized all of it.

The way Jim's breath hitched as his heart hammered loud enough for Spock to detect. The way his eyes fluttered when Spock twisted at the bottom and how Jim's head arched when rubbed the tip. The gasp Spock managed to unleash when he fondled Jim's testicles. Everything was now so engrained he didn't even think he could purge it even if he wanted to. It never took long for Jim to start gasping, for him to tense and losing himself in the feeling of pleasure.

And Spock was learning every movement, without needing to concentrate, his focus narrowed until he could see, feel and hear only Jim. The desire and rising heat took Spock with him and together their pleasure rose as Spock tightened slightly and quickened his pumps. Smirking, he halted at the base, feeling the starting of hair there.

Once more reality set in and he realized how wrong this was.

He hesitated for a moment before he moved without thought.

Slowly, he slide two fingers underneath Jim's penis to his tip and back down again knowing Jim would feel the same sensation that he described as 'tingling'. It was obscene, more so than Jim would know and yet the desire that licked at them jumped in response and Spock considered it a logical act considering the pleasing outcome.

Jim moaned out a chocked sound.

And knowing Jim was close he reached down and palmed Jim's balls. He pressed his own body harshly against Jim's bare ass unable to withstand the small space between them. Tightening his hold on the base of his penis, Spock took Jim's hand and interlinked their fingers bringing Jim's hand with him, both their hands slowly slid along the shaft.

The sensation truly floored Spock. Feeling Jim's desire consume him, his uncoordinated kiss wrapping around his fingers combined with the heat of his core tightening and swelling made Spock have a surge of possessiveness, he wanted nothing more than to have Jim naked, in the same position. He only wished for a moment he was even more connected, even more closer.

He wanted to be inside Jim, instead he acted out once more on his urges and growled out, “Mine,” his voice in Jim's ear, unrecognizable even to him, made Jim press against him even harder their movements shaking the table underneath them.

He bit Jim again, not being able to hold back and the flash of pleasure swept over him. Spock managed to grab and use his handkerchief to make sure Jim didn't leave any mess as he came with a shout. Spock himself took a moment to allow the pleasure to pass through him. His breath hitched before he collected himself. 

And to prove a point, Spock stepped away and let Jim tumble ungracefully to the floor.

Jim looking up at him, sweating, panting, he gaped and said, “Spock! What?...What the hell?”

Spock almost smiled and barely managed to control his own body. It took a few moments to allow his own erection to subside. Having done this the last two times he found it was not getting easier.

“I believe we will be needed back at the party. Come along.”

Spock pulled down his jacket and saw he managed to somehow keep it from wrinkling. Jim continued to stare at him as he turned away and walked towards the door.

He heard Jim jump up and quickly place his wrinkled shirt and jacket back in order.

Alarmingly, he saw the door was unlocked and he quickly pushed it down as he grabbed the handle and turned.

Jim buttoned up his jacket and wiped his forehead, looking slightly too pink. As he neared, Spock saw the bruise poking out from his collar.

“Make sure your tie is correct,” Spock said and nodded his approval as it was fixed, the collar hiding his marking.

It both pleased his rational side and made him want to mark him again. He opened the door, allowing Jim to take the lead and threw out the tarnished silk in the waste can.

Walking down the hall they fell into step and entered the hall.

They weren't the only underage guests, diplomatists and presidents and kings were all in attendance from all over the Federation. It was as Jim had stated, a peacock show, the actual talks wouldn't start until tomorrow, it was the main reason why Sarek allowed them both to accompany him and Amanda.

They managed another two hours of meeting others and eating before Jim exhausted himself.

Amanda noticing the onset of a bored Jim and managed to gracefully excuse them.

They made their way back to their rooms across the street and up on the fortieth floor.

Jim grew tense and only slightly managed to hide his frown, he sighed mentally and said aloud, “Night.”

“Good night.”

“Night, Jim.”

Spock thought that Jim's insistence on intimacy at the party was sixty percent his heightened hormonal drive and forty percent because he knew there was no chance for the rest of the night.

It did 'bug' him as Jim would say. As it did Jim himself. Although, his mother and father had not stated anything outright as of present their growing silences with how close Jim and he were, were discouraging.

The fact that T'Pring had mentioned aloud their mental distance was a factor he rationalized as the strong looks had only increased the past year. He had only just convinced Sarek to come for the summer. Spock found the idea of spending it with T'Pring instead of Jim to be daunting.

Once more he felt guilt and this time mixed with frustration.

If he could not find the idea of eight weeks with his future bondmate appealing, how was he to spend the rest of his life with her? For that matter, compared to his other bonds, her's was the smallest. He doubted she even felt his infidelity. If she had, she no doubt would have brought it up when she visited.

Regardless, mother and father had arranged a room with Spock's bedroom on one side of their rental suite and Jim's on the other, next to their bedroom. Any movement Jim made would be heard by his father's keen hearing. Which meant no slipping out of his bedroom.

It also meant that Spock had his bed all to himself.

He stood, staring at it, trying to make himself feel happy in the prospect of having the entire mattress to his own liking. Jim always did sleep in the middle. 'I can't get comfortable.' Jim argued in his head.

The grumpy, sleepy tone, told Spock he would have an irritated and snappy friend tomorrow.

Perhaps it would be better if he meditated instead of slept. He would have to come up with ideas to exhaust Jim more in the two weeks they were in Italy.

An image flashed of Jim underneath him, arching against his thrusts.

His breath hitched, his heart made a uncontrolled flutter and he shoved it violently away.

Jim's mind stilled and he couldn't say whom had brought it up in the first place.

'Good night Jim.'

He felt Jim smirk and then felt his sullenness when he stopped his hand from moving underneath his boxers.

'It won't be but you'll have to make it up to me tomorrow.'

Spock refused to argue the point of him not being the one to separate them, instead he just replied, 'Very well.'

Jim was still awake and he sleepily stayed on the edge of his consciousness as he got his candles and incense lit for a deep meditation session and knelt.

He stayed close even as Spock delved deep and Spock felt him fall asleep more calm an hour later.


	19. A Name Is Just A Name...Isn't It?

This was it.

The day in which he had hoped for, wished for. 

He felt hollow.

He felt impatient. 

A black cloaked General opened the heavy dark door and Saval stood.  Ceremonially, he undressed. 

He had graduated to having a Lieutenant's suit and the fabric armour was much more difficult to take off. Combined with his belts and hidden compartments, it took fifteen minutes to just take off the top.  Luckily, only his chest needed to be shown today. 

His new skin was still sensitive from the laser treatments and when the Commander tied his hands, it burned. 

"Saval, you came to us unwilling and fighting for escape. You were once a boy, a child with a family, with friends. You are no longer this boy. This boy no longer exists. Today you become a General, my General, and a true child of T'Varka. You must give up your memories, your family, your friends. You must give yourself only to T'Varka from this day until your last. Will you?"

On his knees with Generals surrounding him, he knew if he said no, they'd give him a clean death. A quick one.

It was tempting. 

"I will. From this day until my last."  The commander nodded and called out without looking away form him, "Radak?"

Radak stepped forward, without any expression he silently approached and set his fingers on Saval's meld points. Memories swelled up and he couldn't stop them, luckily Radak didn't feel torturous and let his walls stand, battered as they were. The Commander had a hard look to his eye and it was only then that he caught on and realized he had spoken out loud. 

Swallowing he waited and the Commander knelt down in front of him.  "You have one last test Saval. You will not fail." 

Another General, an Andorian, came forward and handed their leader a small pen like device.

His hands were jerked up by the rope and exposed he said, "I will not." 

The commander nodded and laid a fabric on his skin from his left nipple down to his pelvic bone. He saw the name Radak had wrote and then started screaming as the Commander burnt into into his flesh, down into his muscles and then onto bone. It seared cold and then heated to such an extreme he thought his skin would blacken and crack but it didn't. His breath came in sharp pants and every movement of his chest hurt his open wound even more.

By the time he was done Saval was supported by the rope, sweating and shaking, he slumped onto the floor when they untied him. 

"James." 

The name started him and he glanced up at Radak. 

The Commander leaned down until it was all he saw.  "I carved this name into you so that you will always be reminded of your weakness and now you know who to leave behind." 

The Commander reached out and gently ran his fingers down the red skin. He flinched in pain as his leader said, "It is a beautiful language. Spock..."

The Commander looked back at his face and met his eyes.  "You'll have to kill him of course...before you return." 

"In order to become a General yourself you must let go."


	20. An Unbreakable Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! So After this huge, long chapter we will be jumping ahead 12 years! They're all grown up and no more flash forwards! Thank you all who've stuck with this story, there was so much I wanted to be involved in Spock and Jim's relationship to make it EPIC so that when they meet again it's gonna be all angsty. Also I do want to apologize for taking SO long to actually get to the main story, so again THANK YOU for reading.

It was hard to believe that Jim had known Spock for six years now. At times it stunned him how fast the time had gone by.

Spock's sixteenth birthday was more formal than previous ones. Jim was on his best behaviour, not being too loud or making unnecessary comments. Him and Amanda were the only two humans surrounded by Vulcans. He had always known how important Spock's family was. He learned all three dialects of Vulcan, all four dialects of Romulan. Spock and him had even made up their own language over the years.

But knowing that Spock descended from ancient kings and would have been a king himself if the High Council hadn't formed was one thing; seeing others treat him and his family with such respect and suck up in such a way, was still surprising.

Spock glanced over at him and once more Jim felt a wave of apology and stress. Jim glanced down at his soup and made himself take a bite.

T'Pring eyed their exchange from beside Spock. Her father was in deep conversation with Sarek and Amanda was chatting up her future relative-in-law. Even the thought made his stomach turn.

He hated her.

He couldn't help it. It was the most powerful emotion he had felt besides his need for Spock.

She was perfect.

Tall, graceful, beautiful to the extreme. Her long hair was loose around her face, falling to her mid-back, perfectly straight, thick and glossy and her eyes were more topaz than brown, making her already exotic appearance even more captivating. She had a regal appearance, high cheekbones with a graceful long neck, and the fact that she appeared more delicate than most Vulcans gave her almost a human appeal.

Outwardly, she was a lot less severe in appearance than her mother, her brows were thicker and even more straight than pointed.

The fact that he couldn't find a fault in her physically or mentally made him dislike her.

The fact that he knew from Spock that she didn't like him, even saw him as inferior to her, made him truly hate her.

T'Pring had no problem claiming Spock as her own. Demanding his time, his attention, making outings for the two of them and her mother or Amanda as chaperons grated at Jim. She did this not to spend time with him or even include him, but to make sure he knew his place.

An arrangement between their families had been in place even before Spock was born. Everyone knew about it, how Sarek had left his intended and married Amanda instead two years after meeting her. Jim reasoned that was why Sarek was so set to see his son do better than him. The way Sarek always pushed him to do better, to be better and to accept his place.

It was summer. It was their summer. And she was ruining it.

He wanted to shout, storm, he wanted to smack her for being so cruel. He wanted to hit Spock for allowing this.

He hated Spock. Hated that he hadn't told him about T'Pring, not really, not like this. Hated the fact that Spock wasn't his and wouldn't be no matter what.

He hated so much.

Spock mentally prodded him and Jim snapped up his head.

Amanda was glancing at him and he replied, “No, it's very good. Sorry I got distracted for a moment.” Amanda nodded and Jim took a bite of his warm soup. He endured the whole three courses and spoke nicely, he showed off a little bit when S'en asked him about his studies here on earth.

He managed to impress him a little before T'Lara commented that such humans could be so surprising when educated properly.

How Jim was going to bare the next two weeks was besides him.

* * *

 

“You do not have to go.”

Jim tensed, feeling a dead weight in his stomach. “You know that I do. This...this was just a silly crush or something. You know humans, Spock, jeez I'm thirteen I don't want to marry you or anything. We'll still be friends. We'll always be friends. And we'll see each other still, not as often but-”

“Face me and say these things.”

Jim angrily threw down his clothes, his suitcase blurring with his unshed tears. He was acting like a girl. Him and Spock weren't even dating. They weren't anything but friends. Sure they made out, sure Jim had...Jim had seen Spock naked, kissed him, touched him. He even spent the end of last summer learning Spock's taste, he had gone down on him.

Jim let his head fall back for a moment before he straightened his shoulders and faced his friend. “This is a lie.”

Spock showed more emotion at that then Jim had seen since he had come back.

For the first time that summer he wasn't looking a stranger.

Spock had grown, grown a good foot taller than him, broadened out and showed the signs of the ridiculously good looking man he would be in a few years. His face was no longer soft looking but hinted at an angled face and a strong jaw. He was more beautiful than he had ever been and Jim had to constantly stop himself from reaching out.

Spock was undertaking a two year extensive course starting this fall, if he concentrated and applied himself, he'd get into the Vulcan Science Academy. It was something his father had always wanted for him, it was what Spock had always wanted as well. Showing the rest of Vulcan that a hybrid was just as good if not better was Spock's aim and Jim knew he'd accomplish it.

And once Spock got into the VSA there was no telling how far Spock would go, maybe into politics since he was epic in that area even so much that his professors had complimented him on it last summer.

Or he'd go into his sciences and discover a whole bunch of new things for the galaxy.

Two years...the more Jim thought of it the more it tightened a noose on his throat.

He'd only be fifteen then. Just graduating high school. He wouldn't even technically be an adult until he turned seventeen.

Eventually, Spock would get too busy, Jim would get a job and life would happen. He'd seen it in adults, he already experienced it with his other friends. They would be no different.

Spock stepped forward and looked down at him, his eyes showing his distress that he blocked Jim from feeling. “You heard mother speaking, didn't you?”

Jim looked down and shook his head but Spock was already cutting him off. “You know that is not true. There is nothing wrong with our relationship. T'Pring will leave in a week, stay.” Jim clenched his jaw and couldn't look Spock in the eyes as he replied, “She's not really gone though. Not really, not ever. How do you keep it from her?”

A thought struck Jim and he looked up, dread filled him as he asked, “Do you do that with me?”

Spock stilled and he shook his head slightly, taken back, he asked, “Are you asking if I have-”

“No, just stop. You can't. We're not even dating. Just..gah!” Jim huffed and turned around again, picking up his clothes he threw them in his suitcase. He jumped as he felt Spock close his arms around him.

Caught in the tight hold, Jim stopped fighting and slumped against Spock. “I have not engaged in any romantic liaisons with anyone except for you. Besides T'Pring kissing me last night, of which you are aware, I have only been intimate with you.”

“Spock...” Jim closed his eyes and reminded himself he didn't have to hide his emotions. Spock had built up a wall between himself and T'Pring as well as with Jim. Spock couldn't feel anything that Jim felt, before he would have found that uncomfortable, now he was grateful.

“Eventually this has to end.” Jim said quietly and turned and looked up at Spock. His best friend, his more-than-friend, his family, Spock was so much, he didn't know how to let go but he knew he had to in order not to go any further.

In order to face reality when he was alone again, he had to save some part of himself.

In that, Amanda had been right. She said she was worried about their closeness, though she thought it was one sided. Of course Jim wasn't as great as an actor as Spock, wasn't able to stop fully from expressing his emotions. A crush, something all boys and girls got into.

Why then did it feel like so much more?

Did everyone feel this way and he just couldn't see it?

Sarek was right too, he was too young to understand anything.

“I do not wish you to leave.” Spock's words were laced with emotion, the same dread, the same longing.

Jim stretched up and Spock met him in a crushing kiss. One hand tangled in his hair keeping him in place, Spock's other hand cupped his ass pressing their bodies together. Jim let his hands slide up Spock's toned chest and just reached into his hair when Spock abruptly pulled away.

Jim snapped his eyes open about to ask when he saw Spock wasn't looking at him.

He wasn't looking at anything, there was a glassy look that Jim knew, Spock was mentally building walls or trying to block his emotions or both. T'Pring's physical proximity proved a challenge when Spock tried blocking her. They had been spending the mornings meditating together and a few times they melded.

How Spock had kept her from seeing their bond, he didn't know. She knew they had one, he hadn't kept their initial tentative bond hidden. Once it had grown, however, was a different story.

“How do you keep it from showing?” He asked once Spock came back.

He could see the frown in the slight twitch of Spock's brows. “It is not simple nor easy but I...I am capable of shielding most from my mind.” Now it was Jim's turn to shake his head. “You mean you're more powerful than most other Vulcans.” Spock merely nodded in response.

Jim pulled away and sat down on 'his' bed. There was another month left of summer. That meant three weeks of it could actually be spent together. Seven more days of having T'Pring constantly beside them.

Jim let himself fall back and finally asked, “How do we stop this, Spock?”

“I don't know.”

That wasn't encouraging.

* * *

 

He sat stiffly, every instinct in him was raging against it, yet he managed to push every emotion, every illogical thought so far down, he felt numb. Luckily, T'Pring and her parents were not present and it was a rare moment this summer of being with just his family.

Not so fortunate, his mother was extremely perceptive.

“Spock, are you okay?” Spock answered calmly, “I am fine, mother.” She nodded slowly, frowning still. Father glanced over at him before glancing at his wife.

“Are you sure Jim doesn't want to join us? Usually, he loves this kind of thing.” He blocked the rising tide of emotion at Jim's mention and nodded. Yes, Jim loved to travel, he loved expos and scientific discoveries almost as much as him. No, he definitely did not want to join.

Jim hadn't spoken to him in five days.

Not hearing his voice or being able to feel his mind left Spock unbalanced. He blocked everyone from his mind, his father had found it curious and Spock had claimed it be a mental exercise. Straining, uncomfortable, tiring... but beneficial.

It was the first time he travelled Terra without Jim's excited voice babbling about interesting but wasteful facts about the country, the people or the history.

Spock spent that evening with his future In-Laws engaging in half a conversation. Sipping champagne, he felt restless when he finally got a moment to himself. Coming here had been a mistake. He was tense, worried and before he could stop himself, he carefully let down some of his shields. He acted on instinct, not being taught it, he tried to block out everyone else while locating his bond with Jim.

Immediately there was relief in his haziness, only for his eyesight to blur. He inhaled sharply, controlling his reaction. He had experienced this sensation a few times and knew Jim to be impaired. He clenched his jaw and quickly tampered down on his anger and worry.

“Spock?” He looked up seeing T'Pring's sharp gaze on him. “May we speak?”

Heart racing, Spock stood and spoke without meaning to. “I know you have engaged in sexual intercourse with Stonn last summer. I understand that one needs to explore, however, if we are going to bond I should let you know that I will not share my mate with anyone.”

T'Pring's brow rose but Spock did not know her well enough to guess what she was feeling.

“Stonn is a Vulcan and understands the traditions and customs that belong to our race. Our relationship is that based on logic and approval. Tell me Spock, what is your relationship with James Kirk? He doesn't find sharing you easy either.”

Spock blinked, half of his mind focusing on Jim and replied, “James is my friend. You will never see me as your equal, will you?”

“Vulcans do not have friends.”

The answer, a simple fact, did more than any actual conversation could prove for Spock.

He nodded and said, “If you excuse me, my friend requires my assistance.”

T'Pring had all but admitted that her parents knew of Stonn, that they thought better of the Vulcan who had bullied him for years.

He was always going to be the hybrid.

As he found himself on the street, it was harder to block the thoughts of Jim. They were hazy, disorienting and he needed his body functing if he wanted to get to San Francisco within the next hour.

There were benefits, Jim always said, to being in his position in society. And there were, his credit card and his name got him into a private shuttle, three times as fast as the common ones, he paid enough credits to be in the air within ten minutes.

It wasn't until he landed and he walked out onto the dark streets that he let down all his shields and suddenly he stumbled against the wall.

Eyes wide, he gasped.

* * *

He could do this.

He could totally do this.

His heart was racing, his head slightly fuzzy but better, Jim wished the root had been stronger because it was wearing off and he really needed to be high right then.

The guy's breath was hot as he nipped at Jim's throat and palmed him through his jeans.

He could totally do this.

Staring up at the off white ceiling, he tried not thinking of Spock, not thinking of the fact that he couldn't feel him, that he didn't want to feel him any more.

He had to stop thinking about him.

Jim pulled at Brian's dark hair and pulled him into a heated kiss and quickly stripped the shirt off of him. Eyes wide, he stared at the hard chest, the abs that were clearly defined, Brian smirked seeing his expression.

“Don't worry, Jim, I'll take care of you.”

He wanted to cringe as Brian laid his body over his, pinned his hands up.

It was strange, usually he liked this, he liked being pinned against the bed, the shower, hell that one time on that desk. Just the thought of it got him hot but then he remembered it was Brian.

He hated this position. It made him feel weak...trapped. 

Brian nipped his way down his thought and bite around his nipple. Jim grunted, closing his eyes.

He could totally do this. Spock would not be his first. Him and Spock just... they wouldn't work. He knew that. He knew that Spock, underneath everything, felt bad being with him.

This...this would make it final.

Brian reached down and unbuckled Jim's belt and he quickly started to take off his jeans.

With a crash the door burst open and Jim jumped.

Brian, wide eyed looked up and Jim yelling, hurriedly pulled up his jeans and briefs.

“What the fuck?”

“What-”

Shock filled him as Spock stood in the doorway.

He swallowed, his heart racing at the furious Vulcan before him. He had never understood truly how people feared Vulcans. The only real time he had ever been scared of Spock had been last summer when after trying to get Spock to make out with him, he had lashed out and pushed Jim, it had caused his arm to fracture, but Jim had been more scared of Spock's strength then of him.

Even he knew he had pushed his friend into it.

Now though, now he was scared.

Quickly he jumped off the rumpled bed and said, “Spock, what-”

Before he could finish, before he could even gather himself, Spock launched himself at Brian.

Fear lurched up as Spock grabbed Brian and threw him straight across the room. The snarl that followed froze him to his spot. Spock's walk was lethal, cat-like and held all the tension of his reigned in fury. He reached for the human and without breaking his stride blocked the pathetic punch aiming for him.

Spock's fist landed hard against the human's cheek, causing a loud cracking sound to make Jim jump.

“Spock! Spock stop!”

Jim ran up to him and tried to grab his arm, Spock pushed him back, snarling in Vulcan. Brian couldn't understand but Jim did.

Quickly, he placed himself in an opening between the two.

Brian fell to the floor, coughing, half his face black, he curled in on himself.

“Spock! Stop, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please...you can't kill him!”

Spock grabbed for him, his hand covering his throat and Jim stilled, his eyes wide. His best friend didn't look at all like himself. His eyes were fiery, his expression morphed into hatred, uncontrolled rage, his lips were thin and curled.

Without letting him go, Spock shifted his hold and dragged Jim forcibly out of the house.

The party was silent, the other kids looked just as freaked as he felt. Even the blaring music was cut off. They were a block away from Spock's house and the walk back was full of tension. The Vulcan didn't once release him and Jim didn't know what to say even if he could, Spock never let go. Spock ushered them into his house and straight up the stairs, his heart started to race again as they entered the bedroom but Spock went through it and into the bathroom.

He slammed his hand against the sensor for the door and Jim jumped, finally being let go.

Turning, breathing fast he saw Spock was only slightly more collected, his expression still hard. Spock approached him slowly, predatory and Jim backed up into the shower.

Quickly, the spray was turned on and he flinched as Spock quickly pushed him against the wall. He gasped as Spock tugged harshly at his hair and then again as he bit harshly at the same place Brian had.

Yelling as Spock deepened the pressure, he cried out, “Fuck, Spock! That hurts!”

When he raised his head, Spock's eyes seemed to flash and he finally spoke, “Good. If you ever behave in such a matter again I swear to you I will make you regret it.”

He swallowed, Spock's hand cupping his throat and moving up his cheek, Jim breathed in as he felt Spock's mind enter his surprisingly gentle and all their walls crumbled as Jim felt Spock intertwine within him.

Jim's head felt back against the wall for a moment in pleasure and shock before Spock pulled him away and more under the spray. Spock made quicker work than Brian on his clothes and within moment's he stood naked with Spock against his back and the spray of water cascading over his chest.

“You are mine,” Spock growled before twisting Jim head and crushing their lips together.

Feeling Spock surround him, his hand wandering around his chest pinching one of his nipples, while the other held him place, made his fear evaporate.

Instead there was only desire.

He was crazy to like this.

“I'm sorry.” He breathed heavily as Spock released.

He thought he saw Spock's gaze soften, he could feel the battle inside his friend, that possessive need battling with his logic, with his will not to actually hurt Jim. Deeming him to clean, or perhaps wiping off Brain's scent, Spock quickly took off his own half-wet clothes and Jim took in his fill.

Spock was always hesitant to make the first moves, it was the main reason why Jim liked to rile him up, so that Spock launched himself at him. He couldn't help reaching out, touching his friend's toned chest, his angular cheeks and into his damp hair. God, Spock was too beautiful.

“I love you, Spock. I'm sorry.”

Spock leaned down and kissed him more softly, deeply, for a longer time than before. They were both panting when Spock raised his head and he turned off the spray behind Jim's back then picked up him. Jim wrapped his legs around Spock. Their bodies were pressed flush against one another and Jim's breath hitched.

Spock took them back to their bedroom and laid him down, pinning him, a much better experience than the one he was just in.

 Spock's weight was now familiar. His skin pale and hinted green, in the moonlight filtering in, it made his skin look even more smooth, though dark hair was growing slightly on his chest. His eyes were dark with desire and left over anger.

Jim could feel the need coming from Spock to claim him. 

It made him shiver.  

When Spock trailed his hands over Jim's skin it left shocks of pleasure. The coolness, once an oddity, was now helpful as he felt his own body heat up. He sighed, letting his head fall back to the pillow as Spock covered his body with kisses, nips and bites when he saw a pink mark that wasn't his. 

And slowly Jim was made to go insane. Spock took his time. He sucked against Jim's neck and chest, ran his tongue along Jim's ribs. His hands constantly moved, tingling wherever they glided. Spock practically purred whenever he gasped, arched or tightened his hold in Spock's soft hair. 

He couldn't stop himself from moving his own hands over Spock. 

For once he didn't have to be hesitant or worry about Spock pushing him away. 

Tonight there would be no stopping. 

Jim ran his hands down Spock's arms, his broad shoulders and the part of his back he could reach as Spock lowered and started to suck on his inner thighs and the sensitive skin there. 

Jim bit his lip, trying to stop himself from arching as Spock intentionally ignored his throbbing dick. 

He was going to come way too fast as Spock continued to tease him. 

"Spock, c'mon. Don't do this."

He felt Spock smile and in Vulcan he asked, "What do you wish me to do?" 

His heart jumped and excitement made him lift his head. 

Slowly, looking at him, Spock ran two of his fingers from the base to the tip of his erection. Jim jumped at the explosion of desire. It shocked him and he arched as he gasped unable to speak. 

Once he caught his breath, Spock was leaning above him, looking too damned smug. Jim quickly moved and rolled, straddling his Vulcan. 

"You can't ever leave me." Jim meant to demand it but it came out sounding desperate.

Spock raised a brow as his hands grasped his hips and he sat up. Jim encircled his arms around Spock's neck, kissing him passionately.

When they broke apart Spock said quietly, "It is you always leaving me." He clenched Jim's hair in his hand, the other against his spine, pulling him ever closer and continued, his voice whispering seriously, "You are mine. I will not share you. You will not leave me." 

With Jim's heart hammering, he nodded. 

When Spock let him go, Jim kissed him again and pushed him back onto the bed. 

He grinned and said, "My turn." 

Spock's skin always tasted like a mix of sweet and salty. He didn't sweat, but his breath when it caught on Jim's skin was extra hot and always surprised him. Jim made sure to worship every inch of Spock and tried his best to push every emotion he felt into the older boy. His desire for him, his admiration and his happiness, he kept thinking too, of how gorgeous Spock was, how smart and funny and perfect. He kissed, sucked and licked his way over Spock's body just as Spock had done him. He made sure to memorize all the little tells Spock couldn't keep locked inside. He bit his lip when Jim played with nipples, tonguing it and sucking. He gasped when he took his time, concentrating on the spot just below his ribs that was always sensitive and the juncture between Spock's leg and groin. Spock's hands tightened, and he threw his head back when he intertwined their fingers while he blew against Spock's moist dick. 

He decided against going down on him again.

Catching his thoughts, Spock rasped out, "That is not...fair."  

Jim chuckled loving the sight of Spock coming undone.

"You're the one who won't go down on me. I wonder how long you'll last before I break you."

Even mentioning it, Spock's nose wrinkled adorably. 

Jim did however slowly let his fingers gently, teasingly brushed Spock's smooth balls that were closer to his body than any human's and he was about to move to his cock when Spock abruptly grabbed him and pulled him up.

He fell on top and got to see Spock's flushed face, his dark eyes and unkept hair. 

He was gorgeous. 

"Enough of this." 

Jim chuckled and before he knew it he was on his stomach, his hands clutching the pillow as Spock carefully spread him open. 

This was...new. Different. 

He squirmed as Spock slowly put his finger in, wet from Spock's own lubricant. It didn't hurt, felt weird and then he moved and Jim tensed. 

"Don't tense, ashayam. I will try my best not to hurt you." 

Jim nodded into his pillow and raised his hips, when he went to touch himself, Spock blocked him with his free hand. 

"Spock-"

"No."

Jim huffed and clenched his pillow. Spock kissed and caressed his back as his fingers kept moving.

The more he moved the more Jim's desire spiked along with pain. He felt like he was okay until Spock twisted and hit his prostate, he jumped and gasped. 

Spock must have felt it for he stilled as well. 

Oh shit, he thought and felt Spock's amusement in response right before Spock aimed mercilessly at that exact spot. 

Jim was thrusting back within moments and his breath hitched as panting, Spock pulled his fingers out. 

He felt Spock's reluctance at the movement having taken pleasure from his sensitive fingers.

When Spock did enter him, having turned him over, it hurt. He bit his lip until Spock pressed his fingers to Jim's meld points and the pain dimmed to the background. They both stilled as Spock fully pushed in. 

Christ, he was huge, Jim felt too full, too stretched. 

He wouldn't make it more than a thrust, his dick was already hurting and he swore Spock was doing something to make him stop. 

Jim launched up and crushed his mouth to Spock's, his legs wrapping around him, the Vulcan moved, slow at first and then faster as he slowly lost some of his control. 

Feeling Spock surround him, inside him, their minds open to on another, he didn't know if two other people could be this close. 

He cried out as each thrust met his spot and sent jolts through his body. 

"Ah...Fuc...Spock."

Spock stopped trying to kiss him halfway through, instead he gripped Jim's hands, their bodies flush against one another. Jim's sweat mixed in with the leaky, sticky mess pressed between their bodies. 

He felt overheated, felt too much of Spock. His emotions were unparalleled, combining in a chaotic loop of desire, need and overwhelming pleasure, they overwhelmed him.  

He could feel Spock's need, his growing pressure, the same as Jim's, he could feel the rapid fire of his heart, all of it, all of them were bare to each other. 

After awhile he couldn't form words, or even think. He just felt, felt until it was too much and he cried out sounds in which he didn't know he could make.

In the peak at the blinding crest, Jim felt the most incredible feeling. 

He felt his release combined with Spock's, but more than that, the bond blasted through both of them, whitening out everything. 

When they came back, both were dazed, limp and panting. 

Jim's throat was dry, tingling from crying out too much. 

He tasted blood and saw that he had bitten Spock's shoulder as harshly as he had bit him earlier. 

"What..." Jim coughed as his voice squeaked. 

"What happened?" 

Spock raised his head from the crook of Jim's neck. 

He looked as dazed as Jim. And then Jim felt it. He reached up and caressed Spock's temple. 

"Damn. Did you mean for that to happen?"

Spock shook his head and then prodded the bond.

Jim hissed with a too sensitive sensation went through him.

Spock raised his brow and Jim felt more experimentation was going to happen tonight.

"What were you saying about T'Pring always being there?" Spock asked, feeling smug and Jim could only sense a little pain that would fade hopefully soon.

Jim grinned and once more flipped them over.

"I love you," He said again as he draped himself over Spock's body. He ignored the mess on their bodies making Spock wince and he lightly kissed Spock's cheeks, his brows and then his lips. 

"Ashayam James, we will never be parted now." 

Jim laughed and nodded until his new bondmate kissed him senseless again. 

It didn't take long for the two of them to get excited again and in the back of his mind, Jim wondered if the second time would be as good. 

He felt and saw all of Spock's racing thoughts and grinned as Spock's happiness seeped into him. 

Holding each other, joined once more in the most of intimate ways, Jim memorized all of Spock, his touch, his taste, his voice, his every action and reaction, he promised himself he'd never forget how right this was, how perfect they were together. 

No one would separate them now, they were bonded. 

They would be together for the rest of their lives and Jim was in utter bliss. 

 

* * *

 

Four months later....

Jim shivered in his seat, his wide eyes staring at the map in front of him. 

He should have known better. He should have thought. 

His jaw clenched to stop his teeth from chattering. 

How could he be burning up and be freezing at the same time? 

The boiling, searing feeling in gut intensified with every moment. 

He was almost there, almost to Vulcan, to Spock. 

He needed to get back. 

Tearing up, he cried out as the pain exploded throughout his body. 

He went into a fit and collapsed out of his chair, the ship humming underneath him, shocking him even though he shouldn't even hear it too much. 

It took minutes to gain control of himself and when he did he started sobbing. The pain was searing through him, he had already thrown up for hours, his body shaking too much for him to even attempt to stand. 

They said there was no getting away, no one had guarded the ships and now he knew why. 

He was never going to see Spock again. 

Why did he have to run away? Why didn't Spock stop him? 

He sobbed as he dragged himself the couple of steps to the control panel. It took several tries but he managed to turn the small ship around. 

When it turned, he collapsed again and no longer had the energy to move. 

Vulcan was less than a day away. A day of being safe and a day of sorry's and Amanda and Sarek. 

The world blurred as tears ran down his face. 

He was turning back, he wasn't dead. 

Not yet. 

"I'm sorry..." he whispered as he closed his eyes. 

If only Spock had killed him when he had the chance. 

He hated him for not doing it. 

He'd never leave T'Varka now. 

 

 

 

 


	21. The Message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late posting. I've just moved and the internet is spotty. But I hope you all like this chapter as we get to see Spock and everyone else all grown up!  
> Thanks for reading and please, please review and let me know what you think.

Spock came out of his meditation just as his comm unit buzzed.

Standing, the door to his cabin opened and Nyota appeared in the opening looking relieved but still stressed. Spock didn't have to look at his comm to know it was sickbay letting him know the condition of the captain.

He calmly but briskly set a pace that Nyota matched out into the corridors.

“Are you still hurt at all? You should let Alexander take a look at you.” Nyota's worry was still heavy even though the attack had ended eleven point three hours ago.

“I am well,” he assured her and as they entered the lift. He touched her briefly on the shoulder, looking at her he continued, “There is no need for any assistance. We will not be attacked again now that we are so close to Terra.”

They exited and Spock lead the way to sickbay.

Doctor Alexander was scolding as she tried to get One to sit down.

“Honestly, if you keep this up you're going to-”

Before the doctor could finish her sentence a sly nurse had injected One with a hypo and she slumped down onto the bed.

Spock raised a brow as Alexander looked over at him, she shrugged and Spock did not spend any energy trying to cypher out what the gesture was meaning to portray, instead, he stepped forward and kept going until together with Nyota and Doctor Alexander they reached the private room in the back.

Captain Pike was awake and by the looks of it had heard everything his wife had yelled at the doctors and nurses.

Laying in the biobed, Christopher Pike looked small, frail, it was an image Spock had never corresponded to the man. But covered in bandages and black and blue where skin could be seen did not bode well for any image. The Captain held his own though and Alexander had to rush over to stop the older man from trying to sit up. 

Wincing, Pike sighed letting the doctor raise his bed slightly, and said, “Well...this is going to shake things up a bit.”

He sighed again looking tired and glanced at Spock. “By any chance did you lie in your report?”

Spock detected a slight hopeful tone in that question and a small part of him felt amusement at the very human question. “Vulcans do not lie, Captain.”

Pike nodded and replied, “Thought you'd say that. How long until we reach Earth?”

Nyota answered, “Three hours, Sir. General Marcus is waiting to comm you when you are ready. How are you?”

Monitors were still strapped to the older human and from what limited knowledge he had of medical science, he knew the captain's heart rate, blood pressure, skin sensitivity and brain activity were being carefully assessed.

“I'm fine. Really. It was a close call this time and the doc says I'm going to have to undergo rehab for my legs. Apparently, I'm a lucky man to still have them. That's in thanks to you both by the way and your quick thinking. Thank you Mr. Spock.”

The Captain's appreciation was clear in his expression and Spock nodded in reply.

Those two hours were particularly taxing and they had lost twelve crew members in the attack. They almost lost both their captain and first officer. To have come out of it, limping as they were, was enough for Spock.

“Alright, let me catch a nap and then I'll talk to that damned bastard.”

Spock raised his brow at the disgruntled tone. Pike's dislike for Marcus was known to all of Star Fleet and MACCO. He had never stopped to ask where it stemmed from but Spock always felt a twinge of curiosity whenever the remarks came up.

Nyota and Doctor Alexander merely smiled.

“Yes Captain, I will comm you when we are to dock. Until then I will be on the bridge, if I am correct, I am next in line for Senior Officer.”

Christopher looked over at him and smirked. “Oh Spock, that you are right. I'm afraid Bennett was right in saying married couples don't exactly make the best crew. Damn emotionally compromised regs. I think you're about to be promoted permanently after saving everyone today. Good work.”

The captain winced and said, “I think One will get over it. Eventually.”

 

* * *

 

Spock left Sickbay and stopped short.

“How are they?”

Spock side-stepped the engineer and Nyota, surprised, answered for him and then ran to catch up.

“Spock, are you okay?”

He nodded, jaw clenched.

Entering the left he turned and saw that the cadet was still looking at him, a stressed filled expression on his face. A sad one as well.

No matter.

Spock reached the button and stared back until the door slid shut.

Only then did he relax. Getting off this ship now seemed a priority. And time seemed to illogically slow down.

Spock maintained logs and checks on the engines, the crew, he sent for repairs where they were needed and those three hours just crept by. He waited as they docked for the remaining crew to depart before he took his own leave.

Captain Pike and One were the first off, being in severe to critical stages, after them came the other injured and then slowly the rest of the personal started to take their leave, much more relaxed now that they were docked.

Slowly the steady shuttles and beams emptied the vast ship until only one member remained.

The senior officer in engineering was not budging.

After all his coworkers left, even the Chief of Engineering himself, Doctor Montgomery Scott still refused.

Spock had to go down into Engineer room himself and stand next to the cooling regulator looking upwards to catch a glimpse of the man, hanging in between the water filtration unit and the coil encasement tank.

“Mr. Scott, I must insist that you leave this ship and seek medical attention. Everyone on board has already been accounted for and have followed-”

“I don't need any medical treatment, now do I? I've got work, Mr. Spock, you leave and I'll finish this and be on me way. Sound good?”

Spock almost frowned before he stopped his facial movements.

“As you have a laceration on your forehead as well as your arm you are in need of medical care and I have given you a direct order to stop working, if you must continue to work there is still the briefing in which needs to take place, I can escort you to Admirl Bennett as soon as we land. Are you disobeying a direct order from your superior officer?”

Having been warned of this man when he and Captain Pike had chosen their crew was different than actually interacting with him.

Spock now knew that sometimes the rumours that went through Star Fleet were actually true. Very true.

“Unless you fancy this ship blowing up in the next day I should stay here. Now go away, you're distracting me.”

Spock almost stepped back. He stopped ad weighed the pros and cons. He knew that the ship would not self-destruct as all the central core units had been properly cooled off and shut down, however, Spock also knew that removing Mr. Scott from his position would require much force and Spock did not have the time nor the energy.

Leaving was not an option as well since his Vulcan teachings told him leaving an injured man was not acceptable.

Climbing up the makeshift rig, he pulled himself upward onto the water tanks next to Mr. Scott.

The man turned to him, surprised, and said, “What do you think you're doing?”

“I believe you require assistance to finish this by midnight tonight.”

Scott grunted and slowly nodded. “Alright, pass me that,” Mr. Scott said pointing to a laser.

Spock settled in and prepared himself for another long night.

At least the focus on repairs would get his mind off the cadet, off the diplomatic meeting in three days and off the condition of his senior officers.

He would meditate properly later.

* * *

 

“How does it feel?” Nyota asked with a smile.

She tried to hide it behind her coffee cup but Spock merely looked down at his comm.

“I do not feel any differently. Why should I?”

She rolled her eyes, still smiling. “After eight years of knowing you, I really shouldn't be surprised.” Spock nodded and his attention caught the screens on the coffee shop walls. Everyone slowly grew quiet as the news came on.

"Hey! Turn it up," called a customer and the human behind the bar raised the volume. 

“After the Enterprises heroic rescue of Delta IV's Phes Province, against the Varians, there is a reported attack on Romulus today. This attacked happened merely an hour ago and apparently levelled one of Romulus Capital's although with Romulus not a member of the Federation there is little outgoing information at this time. There is no word on how wide spread the attack was on the Empire, however, one thing is for certain, Peter, these attacks are no longer merely just on the Federation. This is looking more and more like a Galactic war.”

Nyota reached out and touched his hand, seeking comfort. He turned it over and allowed her to squeeze his. 

“Do you really think that is what is going to happen?” Nyota asked, her eyes wide in alarm.

The attacks were more frequent, more and more allies and enemies were dying, disappearing or shutting themselves away. He nodded, frightened to voice his thoughts in public.

“Come. We need to get ready.”

They made their way back to their apartment through back alleys and Spock made his way to his mediation room.

He knew Nyota would need some time to shower and dress, Gaila would no doubt be over as well and he had no wish to interrupt their time discussing dresses and Gaila once again trying to get Nyota to 'loosen up' in her appearance.

He instead focused on his breathing, allowing the smell of H'lea spice to lull him into mediation.

As always it was difficult to get to and even more difficult to maintain. He focused on building up his walls knowing they were going to take a battering tonight. He kept the dark wall at a distance but knew he'd have to take a few days off and deal with it soon.

He had spent too long ignoring it and he could feel the cracks even when he was conscious. He dreaded the cold, the exhaustion that would follow and he made himself a makeshift wall around it. It wouldn't last long but perhaps just tonight.

Tonight he needed strength.

Efficiently protected, he stood and stubbed out his incense before heading to the bathroom.

* * *

 

 “Spock!”

Spock tensed and turned slowly. Before he knew it, she had come up to him and wrapped her arms around his neck.

“I've missed you,” she said quietly.

Spock stood frozen for a moment before he lifted his free hand and lightly held onto her back.

Quickly, she stepped back and smiled though it was tainted with a hint of grief.

He turned again and said, “Nyota, Captain Pike, One, this is Amanda Greyson. Amanda this is my Captain, Christopher Pike, his wife One and Nyota Uhura the Enterprise's new Chief Communication Officer.” Amanda smiled at everyone though Spock noticed she nodded subtly at Nyota and replied, “It's very nice to meet you. Can I speak to you in private?”

Spock's chest restricted with conflicting emotions and slowly he nodded. “Of course.”

His mother lead him through the crowd and into a back office where the view of downtown San Francisco shined through the windows and made her hair shine slightly red. He realized only then that there were more grey in her hair. Illogical to be surprised, he scolded himself mentally, she was human and therefore ageing quickly was natural. 

“How are you?” She asked and tried to step forward.

He backed away and stood in the middle of the room.

“I am fine. And you?” It came out sharper than he would have liked and he turned away before gathering himself again and turning back to her.

She bit her lip and said slowly, “I...I want us to talk again Spock. I'm sorry. I don't know how many times I have to say it but I am. I truly am. You're my son...my only child and I haven't seen you in six years. Please.”

Spock looked down and tried to maintain his cracking in his walls.

He swallowed and replied, “I do not know what you wish me to say mother.” He slowly let out his breath and asked, “How is father? And Vulcan?” Amanda looked away from him to the night view out the wall of windows.

So he was the same. Spock did not think he would change, it came to no surprise.

“He misses you too. It...it isn't the same without you.” His mother replied a few moments later.

Spock did not know whether to believe her or not. His emotions battered his shields and he replied curtly, “I have to go back. Excuse me.”

His mother was straight backed, the same stance and facial expression as the day he walked out of their home and left Vulcan.

Only this time there were no tears in her eyes.

There were no tears left in his family.

* * *

 

When Spock did rejoin a worried looking Nyota, they both were ushered by Pike into another back room, this one on the opposite side of the building, active with monitors and screens and most importantly...people.

From all over the Federation, the room filled with MACCO soldiers, data security officers, direct ambassadors that controlled intel and all kinds of military officers. Most importantly however, were the Federation Council Members.

“It went through,” Pike said, halting his wheelchair and wincing slightly, quietly not wanting to draw attention to the three of them by the door.

“Star Fleet agreed to join MACCO in an attempt to join their data bases and MACCO is loving it. We're going to have to change our entire crew list. Some will make it but I imagine a lot more will drop out.”

Pike looked up at them, stressed but determined. The screens lighting pronounced his dark circles as well as his still purple bruises. The fact that he had come had worried both Spock and the majority of the crew who attended tonight. Not even One could stop him and she had a nurse with her in attendance. 

“There's not going to be much exploring in our future just so you both know. Within days, the Federation plans on announcing war. We're taking too many hits and not dishing enough. I'm afraid to say, you saving us Spock, making a strong stand like that. Well...the media's been hounding you, haven't they?”

Spock nodded. He had stayed inside for two days before going to the shop earlier. It was only Nyota whom he had gone out for, otherwise, he doubted he would have gone out at all, except to attend this.

He glanced at her and she held her composure. She would stay regardless of MACCO influence, Spock knew.

It was her that spoke next, “The Enterprise has given hope to standing up to T'Varka. People are no longer just accepting their children being taken. No longer allowing our children to be used against us.”

Spock held his hands behind his back to hide the clenching and tried to maintain his composure.

“C'mon.” Pike said nodding and wheeling the way to their seats.

Spock and Nyota noticed the other Chiefs of the Enterprise. Doctor Alexander was speaking to an Andorian, Doctor Grey, Chief of Engineering was sitting down looking at something on his PADD. The Tactical Chief Officer was speaking with the newly appointed Security Officer from MACCO.

They took their spots as the others seemed to calm down, stop talking and slowly everyone took a spot. The seven representatives of the Vulcan High Council sat opposite them whom sat next to the Star Fleet and MACCO alliance.

The Andorians oddly enough sat next to the Vulcans and the Tellarites, Deltans and newly added Caitains all sat together.

Privileged to be accounted among those few involved in the Federation Council discussion, Spock sat quiet but observant. He was here as was the rest of the Enterprise Commanders purely because of General Marcus's and General Tiva's decision to have the Fleet's Flag Ship represented and since he was now First Officer, he was second in command to the finest ship in the Fleet.

The same ship that was now undergoing major changes to make it into a deadly weapon.

“Today we announce the alliance between Star Fleet and the Military Assault Central Command Operations. Together we stand united and strong. We need to act, we need to be ready. We need to not back down. As of now five planets have been openly and savagely attacked.”

The holos lit up showing the known galaxy.

T'Varka, a long associated planet with Vulcan, lay five moons away. Spock felt a tinge at all the history lessons he learned as a boy of that planet. 

It was close to all the planets it had attacked, Andoria, Delta IV, the moon of Sel, the colony on V'sen II and now Romulus. It was only time before they outright attacked the entire Federation itself.

“We have lost over two hundred children in the past five years. Stolen from the streets, from our homes, from our families. We know they are tortured, they are brainwashed, they are forced to murder and torture others and every day they are there they face death.”

Spock took a deep breath, trying to get his walls to stay up.

He should have meditated longer and harder. He had not known how ill-prepared he was for this conversation.

Pike glanced at him but he stayed ridged and listened to Marcus' speech.

Half of him agreed for war and seeing the nodding around the room, others agreed as well. But war was dangerous, was Terra ready for it's first space war?

And for that matter...they sought to save their children, Spock understood the instinctual response to protect. He winced and shut the door on his thoughts.

What happens when those children no longer wish to be saved?

The Andorian Representative started to speak for his Empress and was startled for a moment when someone walked in.

He continued and after a second others turned back to him.

Spock did not turn back.

His father stood by the door, tall and opposing. It was the first time Sock had seen him since he had been eighteen.

It shocked him to see so many similarities between them physically.

He almost turned back to the conversation until his father moved. He and the Vulcan Coucil Representatives all sat straighter, they had thought as he had.

Sarek moved, not to the Vulcans, but to him. It would have been discreet except everyone knew he had distanced himself from his clan. So it raised eyebrows and eyes landed on them both.

Marcus leaned across the table when Sarek approached and his father spoke quietly, still giving the speaker respect, “I am sorry to interrupt but I must speak to my son. It is of urgent news.”

Sarek reached out and held onto Spock's shoulder, the touch transferred Sarek's repressed worry, stress, anger and protectiveness.

Spock got a shock of worry and stress himself from it, the grim tight mouth and hard eyes showed exactly his father's feelings and thoughts on the matter he deemed too important to wait. Spock turned to look at Marcus and the man nodded and said, “Make it quick.”

Sarek nodded and Spock stood, his father's hand still wrapped around him. “Spock, I owe you an apology. A deep, grave apology.” Sarek whispered in their family's tongue. Spock's brows narrowed as he saw the PADD clutched in Sarek's hand. 

His father cracked a corner of it.

“Come, I have to show you.”

Before Sarek could usher him out, however, several of the Vulcan High Council member's PADDs pinged. Sarek's hand tightened as everyone's then slowly PADDs went off continuously, Spock's included.

A security member spoke up, “It's an encrypted file, Sirs. From the Vulcan Science Academy and dated close to two weeks ago when it was sent there. They say-”

“Yes,” A Tellarite spoke up, “We can read, boy. It's a message from a Spy.”

“It does not say that Ambassador.” Nyota spoke up, unable to stay silent. “I've never see anything like this in my life.”

Curious, Spock's gaze turned to those PADDs but Sarek held him in a hard grip and Spock frowned at him. Sarek's face was pale, paler even than when Spock had emerged out of the desert as a boy.

As pale as the day Spock had-

Spock's breath hitched and Sarek's eyes held all the horror he felt.

The room's screens lit up as the engineers tried to make sense of the encryption showing the enlarged message to everyone in attendance. 

His eyes widened and his breath was taken from him.

Several people looked up at him then, Nyota included.

His walls broke, not all but enough that his strength leeched out of him.

He collapsed into his chair and could do nothing but stare at the screens in front of him as everyone slowly turned and looked at him.


	22. The Messenger

Spock could do nothing but stare at the screens.

It couldn't be true.

It was impossible. Utterly, completely impossible.

“What is this?”

“Is it a code?”

“Lieutenant Commander, do you have any idea who sent this to you?”

“Do you know what it is?”

Spock's heart dropped, his chest tightened. His whole body started to tremble, he knew many people were directing questions at him, could see them vaguely in the corners of his eyes but they were far away, unimportant.

This...this...

There was only one who knew this.

Spock sharply turned to his father. It was the first time in years, since he had been a child, that he looked to him for direction. For clarity.

Tell me this isn't true, he wanted to shout.

Tell me I'm not that much of a monster.

Tell me I am wrong.

His father's eyes deepened in anguish and the door once again opened, this time his mother's loud, angered voice penetrated through the air.

“Don't you dare touch me! I am going in and there is no purpose in you trying to force me out.” She glanced around the members and bowed before briskly making her way straight to him.

More voices started to shout.

He had a stray thought of never again having the privilege to attend such a meeting.

“Spock, you need to come with us.”

“What is going on? Spock tell us what this is. As it is a Federation Security risk you will be questioned and-”

“That is not necessary.” Spock started at the sound of his own voice. He caught himself and looked back at the screen.

There before him was ancient Vulcan. Written flawlessly, it stated;

To: S'chn T'gai Spock.

Star Date: 2258.31

Sent: Vulcan Science Academy.

From: Unknown

Open by 2258.42.

The rest was a series of random mathematical formulas, letters, numbers and unrelated, incomplete sentences both in English and Golic Vulcan. Spock hadn't seen these messages in years and he stood, without paying attention to the members, he neared the front screens and stared.

He could feel him then, closer than Spock had allowed in years.

He swallowed hard.

“Spock.” His father's voice brought him back from the edge of his mind. Feeling as if he might stumble into the abyss, he turned to the leaders and stated clearly with only a few hesitations, “This message was sent to me two weeks ago.”

He buried the rage that fired up, and hid his clenched hands behind his back. They had tried to solve it themselves, they had hidden it from him. Three days in Vulcan standard time would be date he stated to open it by.

Spock did his best to hide his rage and continue, “I need a interactive PADD as the fifth layer will most likely be a holographic projection code.”

Marcus, Bennett and Tiva all narrowed their eyes at him as did several more members.

“Is this the first time you received such a message?”

“Where did it come from?”

“Who did it come from?”

The questions blasted at him from a multiple amount of people. His father and mother were ushered to the side though they remained firm in staying. He could not look at them evenly.

“A PADD.” Spock said firmly, loudly and cutting off more than one person speaking.

Finally given one he went to work.

He took a few deep breaths and tried to centre himself. It would not do well to accidentally set off a trap of which he knew there would be. But to complete this, to remember the exact words, the sequences he had not thought of in over a decade, he would need to cross that boundary in his mind. He closed his eyes and hesitantly, carefully stepped over.

The emotions well known now had added quilt, added sorrow.

Breathing hard, already straining mentally, he started to undo the layers of code, the long forgotten language of childhood.

Several engineers stood by him, all frowning as he slowly made his way through it.

Indeed there were three holographic images but Spock started to notice the crude shapes, the roughly made underlays and knew this had been made in a rush. It was not the best he had ever made, though Spock also noticed new code, some in which perplexed him at the complexity of the confusion.

It made excitement, sorrow and more guilt rise up within him. He was so brilliant, Spock had to stop the rush of longing that almost overtook him as he stumbled across a randomly strategic code.

Spock stopped suddenly after the eighth layer and heard a robotic voice ask in Vulcan; “State name for access.”

“Spock.”

Several whispering heads all jolted up seeing something was happening.

“Not accepted.”

Spock frowned and tilted his head thinking fast and said clearly, “S'chn T'gai Spock.”

This time it took a moment before the voice spoke again.

“Not accepted.”

Damn him.

Spock wanted to throw something at the screens staring at him. He wanted to rage and drop down to his knees at the same time.

It came to him then.

He closed his eyes.

Knowing how he must be feeling he took a deep breath and said without emotion, “Schn T'gai Spock, Kaifo, Adun.”

It took twice as long now and Spock did not look up at even when the voice stated, “Not accepted.”

Feeling his heart clench, it took more of his will than he believed possible to keep speaking.

“Schn T'gai Spock, Kaifo, Adun, fokimo.”

There was a beep and the then the code opened up and suddenly a hologram of...himself appeared...himself as a ten year old boy. A few gasps sounded at the emergence. Spock, not expecting that, knelt and said, “Please state what it is that you wish me to know.”

“My message is to Spock of Vulcan.” He stopped speaking and Spock heard several people groan and complain.

He nodded, taking the PADD he started to walk the hologram out of the room with plenty of rising voices behind him.

He glared at the guards at the doors who looked like they wished to stop him. They paled, eyes glancing at the Federation members and then back at him. “I will only be just in the hall. You can see me through the windows, however, I must be outside of hearing range for this message to pass. Do you not wish to know what was so important it was sent through six different channels and onto both the Science Academy as well as the High Council?”

Spock did not wait for an answer and allowed for his heavier weight to knock the solider from the door.

He halted outside the doors and waiting for the holo's sensors to pick up no other life forms near him.

He looked up at him and said his recording, “It is urgent news Spock. There are three Vulcan spies in the Council, V'Tashi, Selor and T'Ada. Be careful and do not approach. They are deadly and will use all matters to issue the Commander's goals. They are also planning an attack on Vulcan. It will hit Shir'Kahr Spock. It'll hit almost all of Vulcan in two weeks time. Get out. Get out now.”

Spock's heart lurched as the hologram disappeared.

He raced into the room and eyed the Vulcans. Before he spoke, he grabbed the guard's phaser and shot too rapidly for anyone to do anything. The shot barely phased Selor and the Vulcan snatched T'Pala before the others could do more than take in what was happening.

Suddenly, a mental attack raged through Spock. It tried overtaking his shields and he barely managed to fight it. Bracing himself, he managed to get up, unaware that he had fallen.

Around the room people were screaming, Vulcans, Deltan's and some Andorians had collapsed.

Spock stood and fired at Selor this time piercing his skull.

T'Pala slumped onto the desk, breathing quickly, her abdomen wounded and bleeding. He rushed toward her, as others started moving, no longer mentally attacked. Breathing quickly, he sat her down and nodded to Ambassador Selkin who took over and issued for a medical transport and healer. 

Looking over at Nyota Spock saw she was shakily getting up, though she looked well. It was only then that he noticed both Ambassador T'jen and Silva were deceased. As well as seven others throughout the room including two Deltans.

He winced and got out of the way as others ran towards them.

Marcus' voice carried throughout the hall. “What the hell did that message say Mr. Spock?”

Spock looked up, around the room, people were shakily turning to him, he stated loudly, “Vulcan is under attack. We must evacuate. Immediately.”

Sarek's eyes widened from across the room, Spock met his gaze as mother clutched onto her husband both looking slightly pale form the attack.

“We must warn them now.”

Marcus' eyes went to the spy and then glanced around the room at the others.

Others they could not be sure were not spies.

“Come with me now, Commander.” Marcus ordered.

The Vulcan representatives were already on their feet ready to warn the Embassy as T'Pala and three others were rushed out of the room, and he felt only slight relief that they were taking his message seriously.

Him, the Enterprise crew and surprisingly his mother followed.

When Marcus tried to tell her to leave, she lightly held onto his arm and gave the General a much loathed determined look.

“You want to know who it was from?” His mother asked the moment they were in a secure office room. He tensed, his whole body now felt adrift, he felt numb after so much emotion had flooded him.

“You know?” Pike asked, frowning, his eyes flickering from son to mother. She raised her chin but still looked up at Spock worriedly. His father had gone to warn the others. But he did not know the rest. Spock frowned and held up his hand.

Amanda frowned again, this time confused but she didn't stop him and for the first time he initiated a proper meld with his mother, transferring the information of the spies and from her mind he accessed the strong bond between her and his father. Seeing it, sensing a bond as healthy and as strong as theirs left him feeling bitter, hollow and once more alone. He blocked it, fraying a bit on his own side and successfully managed to feel his family's awareness.

This close to his clan, he felt T'Pau and even his distant connections. To feel that again after so long of blocking them out left him shaky. He carefully and slowly pulled back. He mother shuddered and breathed deeply though she remained on her feet.

“What the fuck is it about today?” Marcus's sharp tone brought him back once again. “Mr. Spock you are going to tell me everything you know about this, right now!”

Spock swallowed and said the truth, his voice breaking just once, “The message was sent to me by J...James Tiberius Kirk... son of George Kirk and Winona Kirk and once believed deceased... He is not.” Everyone's eyes widened and for the first time in the past hour it was silent. They were all human and therefore had all learned of George Kirk and that his son, the son born in a firestorm of an attack, the one that looked so much like him had perished.

Spock sat down heavily, no longer capable of keeping himself upright.

His planet was under attack and yet he could not logic his mind into reacting. He only knew that he wanted to go back. He wanted to be alone.

“But his ship was destroyed.” Nyota said quietly and they all knew.

Spock swallowed again and closed his eyes against the truth.

Tortured...brainwashed....beaten.... facing death daily.

His friend. His....his...

His James, not gone.

Not dead.

Not dead.

Spock barely stopped himself from letting his head fall into his hands and instead shuddered with the amount of agony and guilt that clawed inside his body.

“Spock, sweetheart. Hey...it's okay.” It was not his mothers' voice that tried to soothe him but Nyota as she leaned down and rested her hand on his arm. Her body heat seeped into him and he dreaded moving closer as he dreaded moving away.

“How do you know him, Spock? Why would he send you a message and no one else?” Spock raised his head and looked at Pike.

“Jim...” Spock stopped, the name seemingly ripped from him.

Saying that name...having the sounds come from his throat brought joy and sorrow to him. He hadn't spoken of Jim since that day. Hadn't said his name or called out to him.

He tried again and stated calmly, “Jim and I knew each other as children. He contacted me because he trusted me implicitly.”

Pike raised his brow and nodded, before Marcus or anyone else could speak he said, “Alright. I'm giving you permission to take acting captain from me for this mission.” Marcus sharply gazed at him and barked out, “What?”

Pike looked surprised and said, “General, Vulcan is under attack as we speak. We do not know how or where but we have information saying that it will be at risk in less than forty-eight hours our time. We need to get there, help with evacuation and see if we can manage the threat. Vulcan is our greatest allies, I thought you of all people would want the flagship to be represented.”

Marcus narrowed his eyes and said, “That Flagship just got out of heavy battle and is still undergoing structural repairs. It isn't ready for ops yet.” Pike calmly stated, “Not an op, no. But it can warp and therefore can transport us there. I said we are helping with evacuation not planning on being in a battle today. Spock,” Pike turned to him and said, “Are you able to complete this mission without compromise? If not you will tell us the truth. These are your people but I can't have you over reacting." 

Spock took a moment to centre himself. 

Looking around he straightened himself, concentrating on Christopher Pike, the one person he could trust he stated, "I am capable of completing this mission Captain. There was also one more thing that James sent. There are two other spies on the Vulcan High Council, one of which is particularly close to T'Pau." 

* * *

 

Seeing Vulcan was oddly welcoming. 

Spock had not left the planet thinking he would enjoy seeing it again but living on Earth for the past nine years had given him an appreciation for the simplicity of the Vulcan race. He missed most of all their less confusing mindsets. 

Another part him was in a constant state of worry. Half the Fleet had already arrived and surrounded the planet, however they had done so quietly, only alerting the top Vulcans to what had happened. However, Spock knew that several high Ambassadors and Officials had already died. Sarek stood behind him his mind linked to T'Pau's and the other Elders in their sanctuary. 

T'Ada was dead but not having taken many lives with her. V'Tashi had killed two Elders before disappearing and Vulcan was trying to control the impending chaos and strain. 

There was no telling if those had been the only spies. There was no telling how many lives were going to be lost. 

They needed to evacuate but they could not alert the masses for if there were more spies there were multiple sceneries which lead to further loss of lives and loss of security on the Terra front if they mistakenly took a Varian to Earth with the other Vulcans. 

Spock took a deep breath and with his father and three security personal left the bridge and went to beam down onto the planet. 

Sarek left with Lieutenant Tanner to go to T'Pau and the Elders while Lieutenant Henderson ran to the security building to their left. 

Spock was just about to follow when a blast sounded sending the team to the ground. 

The busy streets were shocked as the ground rumbled and moved, Vulcans collapsed shocked at the sudden attack. 

V'Tashi. 

All around them buildings started to shake under the earthquake. Spock looked up to see the ancient temples in the historic district start to crumble and collapse. 

He turned to a horror-stricken Jenson and shouted, "Start the beam up. Get to the security center, now!"

 He opened his comm and said, "Chekov get all shuttles down here now and start evacuation." 

Spock could see the Vulcans all around him start to head to beam transports. Buildings were emptying of workers and students alike. 

Vulcan was well known for her turbulent weather, fire storms, earthquakes and blistering hot heat followed by freezing cold nights did not make a friendly planet. ShiKahr had long ago set up emergency ports to quickly beam out citizens to the shuttle bays however, these systems were mostly in place in the large cities. Many in the Forge or smaller villiages would be vulnerable. 

And they all thought it was an earthquake. 

Spock ran to the transport station closest to him to help carry out the beaming, his father had most probably already warned the shuttle bays, however, there was no telling how the other parts of the planet was fairing or if they had even been attacked yet. 

The ground beneath him once more shook, sending him sprawling ungracefully. 

It was then that the full intent came to him. 

He was in the middle of the city and all around him people started to scream as they realized this wasn't usual. This wasn't an earthquake. 

All around them the seismic activity blasted through the ground, opening up fissures and taking a whole district. Sand, dirt and dust rose up into the clear sky, almost completely obscuring the sunlight. 

More people around him raced to the stations. He could feel their shock, their worry, a low hum of heightened thoughts strained against his mind.

He was about to run when he caught sight of her.

He ran, like her, in opposite direction of the crowd.

Racing he almost caught up before she bolted into a healing temple on the edge of the market district. 

It was empty and he only caught her by the sounds of the pounding coming from the back. He raced to the doorway and saw the room was ransacked, sculptures, pillows, and medical supplies with tables were thrown around the room. 

The small, hooded shape stilled from her crouched position to look up at him. 

Her breath caught and he quickly said in Vulcan, "I am Spock. You need to leave now, the city is coming down." 

Just then the building shook and Spock braced himself in the doorway. The girl went back pulling up the tiles on the floor.

"It is too dangerous, come-" 

"Either leave or help me. I need these off now!" The girl snapped at him also in his native tongue. 

Dust was raining down from the ceiling and Spock ran forward and tried to pry off the Xanian white tiles. 

It took a few moments but he got the shining material off the floor to reveal a hidden safe. 

The strange Vulcan held a device to the box and it clicked sliding open easily. 

Spock raised a brow at her and she shrugged. 

"Here," she said passing it to him as her small hands carefully reached in. 

She took out a device that he knew instantly. 

He took a deep breath as it started to beep. 

"It's a-"

"Klingon scez-takyn. A blast in which targets seismic fissures weakening the crust and causing untold planetary unstably." 

A perfect weapon for Vulcan. 

He opened his comm and spoke to Chekov quickly as his hands started to automatically work on the bomb. 

"Chekov, I need every one of the Fleet's ships to search for small centred seismic emitters and then get the Vulcan ships to do a concentrated V'ti shield. They will know the reason. The attack is based on destabilizing Vulcan's seismic activity." 

"Aye, Sir. Sir, the activity is wide spread. The city of Raal has collapsed as well as T'Lac. The provinces Dilkr and-" 

The comm went out in phases but Spock could still hear the fuzziness of Chekov's voice. 

There underneath the blue liquid he found the correct wire, the beeping increased and heart racing he pulled it out. 

The girl jumped back and then slumped in relief. 

"How many are there?" He asked. 

She looked at him, blue eyes wide and blinking. 

"Sa-mekh said there were four in each city and seven in each province." 

Her eyes started to water and his breath hitched. 

"Come." He said just as the building shook around them. 

He picked her up, and asked, "What is your name?" 

"Saya." She looked at him and he could feel her fear as well as her determination, she was oddly rational at such a dangerous time. 

"We must get to safety." He said as he neared the door way, he could see then the destruction of his city. 

Buildings were collapsing all around him, the earth rumbling and sounding loud and powerful beneath their feet. Fear and sadness clashed within him. The city in which he had grown up, despised and loved, a city in which he had longed to share and prayed to leave was now crumbling around him. Soon there would be nothing left. 

She squirmed then and said, "I cannot leave my Sa-mekh." 

He glanced down and closed his eyes. Logic told him they could not stay, she knew something of the attack since she knew where the bomb had been and knew how many were place. He could not however stay any longer. 

The building in front of them started to wobble and before he could run, it crashed down in a screeching blast. Rubble and debris crashed around them and Spock barely had time to lunge to the ground and cover Saya's body with his own.

He yelled as a piece of rock landed half on him, pinning him to the ground, piercing through his legs. 

Saya gasped but clung on to him waiting for the crashing, the noise and dust to settle. 

Pain and fear washed through him. He could no longer make anything out around him, rock and metal lay intertwined around him, making the once familiar streets unrecognisable. He didn't even know where to go for a transport beam, if indeed it was even operational. 

Saya squirmed again and said quickly, shock going through her system, "I wasn't supposed to be here. I was supposed to stay on the shuttle. Sa-mekh is going to be angry at me. I'm sorry." 

Tears welled up in her eyes and Spock tried to ignore the sharp pain radiating up his spine. 

He touched meld spots to her temple and her eyes widened, "It will be all right Saya." 

She slowly nodded and with permission he quickly sent a wave of calm and peace to her. Oddly, it was more simple than usual, perhaps because of her youth, Spock rationalized, she couldn't be yet seven and therefore had not yet had any physic testing. 

Tiredness started to make itself known as he became aware that his senses were off. 

Spots started to cloud his vision and he slowly took his hand away. 

He would tell her to run except he knew they had no where to run to. She was a child, just a child and he tried thinking logically at the best course of action. 

Spock tried contacting Chekov again or any ship surrounding the destroyed planet. His comm refused to work. 

Breathing heavy, his mental shields already strained now began to crumble. His carefully sealed memories and emotions shots outwards and he yelled at the agonizing pain that speared through him. 

Saya gasped no doubt feeling what he could no longer cage. 

"Saya..." He clenched his teeth as nausea rose up, "run." 

She slowly managed to get out from beneath him, safe, if a little bruised and cut but she didn't leave, merely looked around worriedly. 

The last thing Spock remembered was her little hand on his shoulder clutching tight. 

 

 


	23. Saval

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I just want to seriously thank all of you for reading this, for giving kudos and commenting! I'm seriously sorry for the late/unscheduled updates. I just want to thank all of you for putting up with me and for still reading this. I truly appreciate all of you. Let me know what you love, what you hate and what I can work on. Thank you guys soooo much!

Spock awoke slowly.

Rebuilding his inner walls took much of his energy and his healing took much longer than usual.

He started to hear voices at first, some were unknown but others he picked out, Pike, Doctor Alexander, and Uhura, soon he could make out the beeping of monitors, the foot falls of people walking past him, conversations taking place.

Next came the sense of touch and he could tell he was on a bed, covered with a soft blanket, he felt weighted down by the material and soon felt a hand in his own, squeezing lightly.

Opening his eyes, his trance fully faded and he became once more alert and coherent. As he looked around what appeared to be a Terran medical bay he was surprised to see his mother sitting next to him.

Immediately, her eyes widened and she let out a relieved breath. “Oh, Spock, thank god. How are you feeling?”

Spock ran an internal scan on himself, he was stiff and his legs throbbed slightly and his back burned a little but otherwise he was well. With his now alert mind it took him by surprise that it taken a full week of him being trapped within his own body to heal himself.

“I am well. Where am I and how did I get here?”

It took a moment for her to collect herself but she quickly said, “We're on Terra, in the Star Fleet hospital in San Francisco. You were beamed onto the Enterprise two hours after they lost communication with the planet. No one knows how you got out or who patched you up. You had surgery Spock, someone very talented managed to save your spinal cord.”

Spock could not help but raise a brow in surprise and he quickly turned his attention to the most critical question, “Vulcan?”

Amanda looked down before looking back up at him this time with tears in her eyes and she said slowly, “Half the planet was simultaneously attacked and has severe damage to cities, animals and plants. The other half, the provinces of Set'Mor, T'hal and T'Vok were saved by your quick thinking. Most were able to get out in time but...by calculations...we lost over half of our population in less than a half hour.... They tried beaming out after the shuttle bays got overwhelmed but they were tampered with. All those who tried didn't make it. Currently, there are just two billion Vulcans who made it onto the shuttles safely.”

Spock held in a gasp barely, his breath hitching.

A week ago his race had been almost at seven billion.

A week ago he had a city in which he had grown up in.

A city in which no longer exists, in a province that no longer exists.

Amanda squeezed his hand again and he felt her loss powerfully.

Only then thinking, his head snapped back to her and he asked, “Father?”

Amanda smiled, wiping away tears and said, “He's okay. He made it out with T'Pau but two more Elders perished in the escape. I-Chaya didn't make it. The Sehlat population is now endangered.” He nodded feeling an odd amount of grief over a pet in which he had not seen in almost a decade.

A flash of Jim rubbing I-Chaya's ears tore through his shields and he flinched.

Just then a doctor noticed he was awake.

They spent a moment in silence.

His planet was almost destroyed, billions of lives taken. His mother kept speaking as well, informing him that it would take a few years before the planet was once again stable enough to take all of their population back. Many had flocked to healing temples and Spock was acutely aware that he was going to be even more drained from constantly maintaining his shields against his clan now that he could feel the emptiness and pain just out of reach.

Within a few moments his mother was escorted out and in front of him was General Marcus, Admiral Bennett and Captain Pike.

“I want you to tell me everything that happened from the first moment you arrived until you passed out,” said Bennett.

Spock nodded and stated his mission. By the end of it all three men were frowning and Pike asked, “There was no little girl at all with you. You have no recollection of where you were taken? Who helped you? Do you know who she was at all?”

Spock thought back and said, “I melded with her but did not dive deeply, I noticed no familiar bonds with her, however, her mind was surprisingly easy to join with. I do know that she is aware of some fraction in which dealt with those weapons. She knew where it was hidden precisely.”

“What made you follow her?” Pike asked.

Spock answered honestly, “She was suspicious, she ran against the crowd and was seemed...vigilant instead of frightened.”

Marcus nodded and asked, “You're going to have a give a description of the girl to MACCO. We're going to flash that face across the galaxy until we spring something up.”

Pike frowned slightly and Spock caught the guarded expression on his face. Pike then said, “Actually, I think we got a lead.”

Bennett, Marcus and Spock all turned to him. “I've had Mr. Scott and Ensign Chekov go over the holopad in which encased your message.” Now it was Spock's turn to frown, “I believed that message was wiped completely from the drive.”

Pike smirked before saying, “It was...kind of. Honestly, you'd have to ask the kid the precise details since nothing he said to me made any kind of sense. But he and Mr. Scott managed to trace the subspace frequency from the Vulcan side of the transmission.”

Spock kept a check on his surprise as well as his anger. While his planet was suffering, others tried to save data? He rationalize it as a logical move in war. They were in war and information was going to save lives in the future, he reminded himself.

“They couldn't find an exact place but they traced it to a space station near the Orion sector. And we happen to have a well-known Orion navigator.” Pike said with a small smile.

Spock thought about his classes until he came up with a face and a name. “You are speaking of Gaila Nilak?”

Pike nodded, pleased that someone knew he was speaking to. “She has already agreed to help us get in contact with a few neutral Orions that could point us in the right direction.”

Bennett looked sceptical as he asked, “Did she not escape from her clan there? Wouldn't it be dangerous for her to contact any Orion? Also...who the hell heard of 'neutral Orions'?"

Everyone glanced at him but all Pike did was shrug.

* * *

 

Pike was seated in his wheelchair looking determined and frustrated as he kept glancing at the empty Captain's chair next to him. From what Spock knew of his condition it would be another nine weeks before Pike would be able to walk with the help of assistance from either a cane or bio-enhancer.

The fact that he kept stressing his body from refusing to not work did not sit well with most others, Spock included. He had been surprised that Marcus hadn't ordered him to stay grounded, yet with Pike's experience in the Orion centre and with the slave trade in general, he was the perfect man for the assignment. Pike's own wife had been a slave before he had freed her.

Spock stood up as they slowly went off warp and the screen showed the space station in which Gaila's cousin would meet them. Pike looked up at him and said, “If you think I'm not going down there you are sadly mistaken, Mr. Spock.” He then dismissed Spock's stern presence and stated to Lieutenant Ryan, “Make sure that you can beam us out and have Mr. Scott see to it that all connections and calculations are taken into account. I want no screw ups. Chekov with us.”

Everyone nodded and a chorus of, “Aye sir,” came out.

Nyota glanced over at him and smiled in understanding and he discreetly nodded. Her eyes like the past few days however where more guarded. They hadn't had a proper chance to speak since he had awoken two point three days ago and Spock could sense the tension in her.

Pike wheeled himself into the lift and Spock and Mr. Chekov followed as Pike called out, “Richardson, you have the comm.” Spock could not resist trying one more time, “Captain I would-”

“Nope Spock. Not today. I understand that I am handicapped currently and I understand that this is concerning. However, in this case I need to be down there. I understand how they work and I have done everything in my power to make sure we could beam back aboard should anything go wrong.” Spock nodded but still felt tension throughout his body that refused to leave.

As they got onto the transporter, Spock nodded to Gaila and Tanner who had joined them. Chekov was making sure he had his PADD ready with the code that was salvageable. Spock had spent two hours adding to it for Gaila's cousin to go through.

From what Gaila and Pike had told him, this code had been seen before, mostly in the neutral zones and if Gaila was correct in her description of her cousin he might be capable of giving them a location on where to track Jim down. At the very least somewhere to start.

The fact that he was actually tracking down his bondmate made his chest tighten. He wanted to go faster, do something more and he had to calm down his anxiety to listen to orders.

They all beamed down into the Space station landing zone and Pike nodded to the workers there. The space station was large, if slightly less up to date than Federation ones. It was less taken care of, as well as it appeared rather dingy.

But Gaila led them with confidence and even Pike noticed that she knew the place well. They were taken across two floors, out into the market streets and then into a rather questionable bar. Spock helped Pike wheel up the step and then they were inside. It was brighter than Spock had thought it would be as well as busy.

Gaila led them to the back where a booth was open and sat down. Spock sat next to Pike, his hand close to his phaser.

“Relax,” Gaila said, and quickly she smiled, “Pax!”

An Orion male with brown hair and his ear pierced muiltple times came up to them out of the crowd. Wearing jeans and a black fitted sweater, he wasn't exactly what Spock pictured.

“Gaila, I have missed you so!” When he let Gaila out of his tight hug, he glanced over at them. Sighing, Pax sat down and said, “All right, what do you have?” Pike glanced at him but nodded and Chekov handed over his PADD.

Immediately, everyone tensed as Pax's eyes widened and his face turned a rather ashen green.

Gaila reached out to put a hand on his arm but he flinched and threw the PADD down.

“No.”

Spock raised a brow as Pike said, “You recognize the code. Do you know where we can find the one who created it?” Pax laughed but it wasn't a humorous one, it was cold disbelieve.

He turned to his cousin and said, “I helped you. I helped you get out and go to Terra and be safe. Your parents are dead and your town is basically starving. The first time you contact me in five years and I get this?”

Gaila winced, looking down and Spock couldn't help but speak up, “Pax, I understand your fear when dealing with these people, however, this isn't just a T'Varka child. I-”

Pax laughed again and turned towards him, his eyes were flat but they were also scared. “Damm straight this isn't a T'Varka child. Do you even know who it is that you are looking for?”

“The person that made this code was also the person who saved Vulcan from becoming inhabitable.” Tanner said from where he stood on Pike's other side.

Chekov nodded and said, “I've managed to place it somewhere in this district but I cannot say fully where it came from. Any information in which you have would help us greatly.”

Pax didn't seem to be listening.

“You said he saved Vulcan?”

Spock nodded and said, “He sent us a message in which alerted us to the oncoming attack. How do you know who this person is?” Pax rubbed a hand over his face and looked around the noisy crowd.

“We need to get out of here.”

They were led back to a run down district, Spock and Tanner looking around them, alert for any double crossing. It was empty, dark and full of containers in which Spock assumed would be shipped out in working hours. “It's busy here in the mornings,” Pax said confirming his thoughts, “but right now it's perfect.”

Pax opened up a piece of metal between two buildings, showing them a make-shift lift. He doubted it would hold all of their weight. Tensing, surprised that it did with only a few jolts, they ended up in a basement bunker. Spock reconsigned several stolen artefacts but besides giving Gaila a look to which she only shrugged at, he did not comment.

“It's easier with the stairs,” Pax said with a shrug to Pike. Pax reached into a cooling unit and got an Orion alcoholic beverage, passing one to Gaila.

“Let me look at that code again.”

Several minutes passed in silence and Spock grew anxious once more.

“If you have any information, tell us.”

The Orion looked up at him and stared for a few minutes before asking, “How did you know him?”

Spock tensed at the question, it had been spoken quietly, with a layer of understanding.

“Look I'm going to be truthful and that's only because you got Gaila mixed up in this. I know rumours. Okay, I keep my ears to the ground and people talk. However, this...this monster you're all running towards no one really knows. This code was found at a genetic facility a few years ago. It was blown to shreds and a couple hundred of my people died.”

Gaila eyes widened in understanding and Spock concluded that it was most likely a highly known company here.

“The thing is with the T'Varka that none of you Terran's can understand is that they're not children. Not the kids you used to know or take care or even the same kids you birthed. Three hundred and eighty six Orions have been taken in the last century. Do you hear us complaining about it? We are a slave race but we enslave our own, others, no one, and I mean no one enslaves us. But these guys do...and we have been able to let that do because those children can't be saved. We can't get them back. So whatever it is that your wanting back Vulcan, know that you can't get it.”

Pax looked at him emotionally and Spock looked down unable to take the sympathy in his face.

“Besides, there's no way any of you are getting near this guy.”

Spock snapped his eyes up and said, “Tell me.”

Many winced at his harsh order but Pax just looked back at him.

“You're looking for Saval. General Saval, if rumours mean anything to you.”

Everyone was taken aback at that.

Spock took a deep breath, turned from the group and closed his eyes.

* * *

 

The Admirals all spoke at once. It was difficult to make them out but Spock didn't truly try.

His mind kept replying the conversation.

General Saval.

James Kirk.

They couldn't be the same person.

He knew the reports. He had seen them as he became Lieutenant Commander and had gotten access to T'Varka files.

Saval.

The name had been carved into bodies. Organs and intestines had been artfully arranged to spell out that name to all who bore witness. Hundreds of victims in less than a few months.

Some had been burned, other mutilated, worlds attacked.

Saval had led a hundred of his comrades to destroy no less than three colonies and two provinces. But no one had mentioned him in the last three years, he had vanished. No one knew where he was or who he was.

Until now.

Spock had even told Pike two years ago that out of all the children, that one had to be insane.

Jim. Insane. Mass executioner.

The words haunted him now, the conversation echoing in his mind.

 _“There is no rescuing him.”_ Spock had said.

_“You don't believe in rehabilitation?”_

_“I do not believe that one could escape the emotional turmoil after having done such atrocities once rehabilitation would set in.”_

Pike nodded and said, _“You think he'd be overwhelmed by guilt.”_  again he nodded continuing, _“Well, yeah, I could see that. I have to say, most Varian's like to stay anonymous. They're shadows and ghosts that make us wet ourselves at night. But this....this one....well he's altogether different isn't he? You'd think he wants the whole galaxy to pay attention to him.”_

Only then did it slam into him.

Only then did it all make sense.

“Mr. Spock?”

Spock looked up and saw all the admiral's eyes on him. Focusing he said, “I confirm what Captain Pike has stated. I am also requesting a week of leave in order to process the last few days." 

Many nodded and Marcus said, "The Enterprise will be grounded for the next fortnight and Pike you are to stay on medical leave until you are okayed by _my_ doctor. I'd rather not go up against your wife again." 

Several of the admirals chuckled but Pike glanced at him before slowly giving in and giving everyone a sharp nod. 

When they were dismissed the Admirals had a new picture of Saya and Spock had to brace himself for he knew it would be on the news tonight. 

Pike stopped him once they left the building but calling out, "All right, what's your plan?" 

Spock turned and looked down towards him, "I do not know what you mean." 

"Bullshit. I know shit went down on your planet but I also know you to be a bulldog who doesn't let anything go for anything. Which means you have something planned with Saval and you don't want the others to know. So out with it." 

Spock sighed and Pike showed his surprise at the uncharacteristic show. 

"Okay, let's get a drink and then you can tell me." 

Spock's objections to the Captain drinking with his medication fell on deaf ears and fifteen minutes later they were seated in a cafe with Spock having a salad and soup and Pike having a steak with a beer. 

"What is it?" 

Spock debated but then said, "I do not believe that Saval will be so accommodating to me." 

Pike frowned and said, "You're the one who said if he would listen to anyone it would be you. You knew him, he trusted you with that information and he has a lot of information Spock. We need what he knows." 

Spock nodded. He knew that right then, they were blind to T'Varka. They had faster ships, better missiles, men and women who seemed unstoppable and brutal. No to mention there was no way for them to get onto their planet, no way for them to know how T'Varka works. 

They needed Jim. Saval. Whatever his name was. 

But Spock now knew that Jim hated him. 

The knowledge made his chest tighten, his mind ached with how much pain his broken bond still caused him. 

And he needed to speak to Nyota today. 

"What's going on Spock?" 

Spock took a deep breath and said, "I know where he is."

Pike's eyes widened and he said, "Okay. You need to go with backup." 

Spock looked down and continued, "Saval. The name that was carved into all those people." 

The Captain stayed quiet and let Spock finally say what he prayed would never happen. 

"It wasn't Saval name he was carving." 

Pike tilted his head, confusion flickering in his eyes. 

Spock glanced up and said, "Jim was carving my name into those people. He wasn't calling for the galaxy to pay attention to him. He was calling out to me."

Pike's breath hitched, he nodded but Spock still heard the quiet curse. 


	24. Sending Out The S.O.S.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! Thank you all for commenting!!!!! Oh my goodness! So I just want to say that this story has a happy ending-eventually. It is also going to end with Spock/Jim because they had such an incredible bond and you don't just give that up. But there is going to be a lot of angst, a lot of war, anger and PTSD/mental/emotional damage and possible character death(s)(can't tell who) and it'll be awhile before they are actually even remotely together again.  
> But remember-happy ending! Eventually.  
> Thank you all guys!!! So sorry for unscheduled postings but internet is crappy/life is chaotic and writing and posting regularly is just very difficult right now.  
> Thanks! Here's the next chapter!

When Spock got into the apartment, Nyota was curled up on the couch, a throw on her lap. She looked up as he walked in.

 “Hey,” she said, still sounding tired.

“Good afternoon.”

He leaned down and kissed her cheek. Breathing in, he felt comforted by her floral scent, now familiar to him.

“Do you have time to talk?” She asked, reaching out to him.

Spock straightened nodding, moving to sit next to her. “I have to leave in one point two hours. I have been assigned a mission.” Her brows shot up and asked, “Why haven't I been contacted? Is-”

“It is classified and does not require the crew of the Enterprise.”

Her mouth gave a little 'o' before she collected herself. She nodded and set her mug of tea down onto the table. “I've been wanting to see how you've been. The last couple of weeks have been so hectic and whenever we came home you've immediately went to meditate. Not that I'm complaining, I know that you need it and I know you need time. I just want to let you know that I'm here and for you to know that when you're ready you can talk to me.”

Spock relaxed and leaned back into the couch. Nyota caught onto his body language and smiled. “It has felt straining recently.” She reached out put her hand onto the back of his neck.

It was through that touch that he caught onto the undercurrents of her feelings.

Stopping a frown from forming he turned to her and asked, “Why are anxious?”

She bit her lip and slowly she said, “You've never told me about James. Never mentioned him. We've known each other so long that I forget that I don't know everything about you.” Spock shifted away, now completely tense. He swallowed and tried to get his emotional response under control.

“What was he to you?”

Spock glanced over at his girlfriend. Her eyes were sad, knowing.

Lying was never as tempting until that moment.

“Ja...Jim was my friend.”

She looked away and the silence lasted a few moments before she said, “I...I sent a care package to Nanna today.”

He frowned at the change of conversation. Nodding, he knew she had planned that and he had offered a few suggestions on gifts as well three weeks ago.

“I went to the closet to get that pashmina scarf that we picked out and...” Nyota leaned over and picked up the box.

Spock's breath stilled, his heart lurched and his shields were starting to crack. He took a deep breath and focused on stabilizing the concrete wall. Cold infused his mind through the cracks.

“I didn't open it. It fell and the electronic release malfunctioned. Everything fell onto the floor.” Nyota took a deep breath and looked at him intensely. “Is this what you did?”

Her question was so quiet he only just picked it up.

Looking from her to the box, he tried concentrating.

“In your mind, Spock. Is that why you won't talk about him. The very man Star Fleet and MACCO are looking for, the one in which has massacred thousands-”

Spock quickly snatched the box from her and said, “He was tortured, forced to do those assassinations just as every other stolen child.”

Nyota stood and it was only then he noticed he had as well.

“I've seen those holopic's Spock. That doesn't look like someone who was forced to do it, it looks like he enjoys it. He's not that boy you remember.”

Spock faced away from her, his hands clutching onto the box. He tensed as Nyota put a hand on his back.

“Spock...you two...you loved him didn't you?”

His walls were shaking, the images of Jim were racing into the forefront of his mind. His smile, his laugh, the way he grabbed onto Spock and pulled him in whatever direction he wished.

He felt those hands on him, felt the whiteout of their bond connecting, and the blackness of it being ripped to shreds.

He groaned and felt Nyota come closer.

“Spock?”

“I must meditate. Excuse me.”

Nyota was left in the middle of living room, looking sad, worried and very much alone.

* * *

 

Nyota was not there when Spock finished packing and he left a message saying he would be gone for a few days.

When he finally got to the shuttle bay, he was not surprised to see Pike and One there. She smiled at him while Pike did his best not to fidget under her glare.

“Listen Spock, I've got everything approved days ago. You get him to give us information, everything he has and we offer him protection and safety on Terra.” Spock nodded and Pike glanced up at his wife.

“One is also going to go with you. Backup.”

“Captain-”

“Spock.”

Spock stilled and remembered their earlier conversation.

He nodded.

Together, him and one boarded a small transporter spacecraft. It had a main area and two bunks with a bathroom between. Spock glanced down at the hatch in the middle of the area. Hopefully they would not encounter too dangerous a fight, while the ship had a surprisingly amount of torpedo's and a good shielding force, repairs would still be frustrating with everything being in the crawl space.

“Ready to launch.” One said from her co-captain seat.

Spock nodded and said, “Launching.” He pushed the level and together they held on as the ship rose and battled the atmosphere. 

At warp speed they would make it to Caster Two with two days. 

Two days until he reached Jim. 

If, that was, he was correct. 

Nyota's voice echoed in his head. How well did he know him? How well could Spock know him? He could not imagine all those years in which Jim had fought, killed, mourned and hardened himself against all enemies, all attacks, physical being the least important. 

Spock didn't sleep. He stayed at his position alert and anxious. 

One made him have a drink of some kind in which she claimed would be good for him. It did give him more energy, though he did not say, he did comment however on it's sweetness. 

She rolled her eyes at him and he ignored her comment back. 

As Caster Two came into view, Spock sat straighter and One appeared perfectly aware from mere moments ago she had been sleeping. 

She sat down in her chair and asked, "So...are you going to let me in on the plan now? How do we track him?" 

Spock tilted his head, thinking. 

A second passed, then two. 

"Tell me you have a plan." 

He glanced over at her and she took a second before she sighed and let her head fall back to the rest. 

"Okay...tell me what that Vulcan mind is coming up with."

Spock took a deep breath and said, "There are three possibilities  where Jim will be hiding. However, I am making this decision on the boy I used to know not-"

"Yeah, I get it. You don't know where the man who he became would go. But what does your instincts say?"

Spock made sure he didn't frown and said, "The first possibility is that he will be located in the most isolated part of the planet, the Hatsi desert would be the location." Spock pointed at the map of the planet in front on the screen and One leaned forward to look. 

"Second option?" 

Spock moved his finger and replied, "There. In the heart of the Capital. He would be located at one of three locations." 

Spock swiped his hand and showed the three places to One and saw the disbelief on her face. "Seriously? Those are all run down junk bars. Why the hell would Saval go there?" 

Spock looked at her and said, "For two reasons. First, those locations are excellent sources of information and being wanted by MACCO and Star Fleet as well as being connected to T'Varka it would be logical to make connections there. Secondly, James has always had a predilection for narcotics and questionable recreational establishments." 

One raised a brow and smirked. 

"He was thirteen wasn't he?" 

Spock merely inclined his head. she chuckled in response. 

"The last place to look?" 

Spock hesitated but then said, "The Red Lounge." 

One stopped and looked back at him. "Are you sure?" 

Spock nodded stiffly. 

"Why would he want to go to a slaver's brothel?" 

Spock clenched his jaw but made himself stop, he relaxed himself slowly and said, "Because Jim is an empath." 

One stayed silent for a second before sitting back again. 

"Shit." 

Spock nodded again and One said, "Okay." 

Glancing at her she smiled at him and said, "I've been there. That's where he'll be." 

"I will set a course." 

It took two hours until Spock stepped off the shuttle and lead One out into the busy streets of Crahan. He wanted to run and at the same time he was starting to feel frightened. He wanted to see Jim, to make sure that he was alive, well, breathing. 

And another part of him wanted to run away. He didn't want to see him, to see his grief and mistake and know that Jim wanted nothing to do with him. 

It tightened his chest until he could not speak, could only walk in the direction of the infamous Lounge. 

One remained silent, either sensing his ill-ease or just preparing herself for any attacks. 

Then, suddenly, as they turned a corner there it was. A magnificent glossy building, nine stories and an entire block wide. It had large curtained windows and the stone was pale and smooth. Spock led the way to old dark red door, the only part that hadn't been rebuilt, and knocked.   

A Castorian opened it with a smile and let them into a great foyer. 

A blonde human female sat behind a desk, not unlike some hotels in which Spock had frequented. 

"How may I be of service?" 

One spoke for them, "We wish to buy a full access pass for the night."

The blonde sat back at that and looked them over, her gaze lingered on him. 

"Full access is restricted to our most loyal of customers. Perhaps you would like floors one and three?" 

One smiled though this time it appeared sinister for the blonde moved back. 

"No." One placed down their credit card and swiped it. The blonde's brows rose. Spock had not seen the amount that Pike had given them but it must have been significant. 

"I want full access for one night. My friend and I have been travelling for some time and he get's a bit agitated when he doesn't have fun and I don't want to be stuck in a ship with him when he get's snappy. Now let us in." 

Spock looked back at the blonde and her gaze was intensely on him. He knew then that she had seen Vulcans here. That she had seen much more than culturally appropriate. 

Swallowing, gathering herself, she nodded and gave them both key cards. 

"I hope you enjoy your night here. Remember, there is to be no killing on any floor but seven, you will not maim anyone or target anyone other than your opponents. This is a well known establishment and you will follow those rules. Rape is not condoned, floor three has all willing partners, the back area are where you can get more extreme play." 

She gracefully pointed to the left and Spock saw the lift. He nodded his thanks and went to it with One at his side. 

Once in the panel did not have numbers but small buttons with colours. 

It was only then that he saw how tense One was. Her shoulders were set back and her posture too straight to be comfortable for a human. 

She took a deep breath and glanced up at him. "Sorry, it's been awhile since I've been in a place like this. I know the colours. What do you think he'll be in?"

Spock said, "He will either be fighting or in the brothel. But I would not disregard any type of gambling floors either."

"He won't be on any of slave floors?"

 Spock shook his head. That did not require an answer. 

"Okay, just know whatever it is that you're thinking of seeing on these floors, triple it. This is not some small time fun house. It's galaxy wide." One pressed the red button and they went up. 

Once the doors opened, Spock was hit with the scent of bodies. Both pleasant and unpleasant, perfumes and oils mixed with the natural odour of the people. 

White coloured fabric hung from the ceiling and walls, draping ascetically around the room. Lounge chairs and oversized laying sofa's were scattered throughout the open area. The floor was dark wood, ancient and newly glossed. Castian hennit was inlaid into the walls and ceiling giving the room a golden luxurious sight to it.

People were half laying, drinking and laughing, conversing.

Waiters and servants were slowly, gracefully walking and offering drink and small assortments of foods. Spock was surprised to note that they were dressed, but they were, draped in the same white silk it flowed around them offering just a hint of elegant legs or strip of skin by their stomachs or backs. Even the men, young and lean, were covered, only showing small portions of their chests or arms. 

It was rather more...sensual than Spock had thought. 

One was looking at him, a small smile curving along her lips. 

He almost rolled his eyes at her and she grinned. 

Together they made their way into the room and both were met almost immediately by a woman and man. Castian, they were stronger and bulkier than humans but both extremely beautiful. Declining their services proved challenging as the moment they left and Spock and One walked into a middle room they were once again met by servants. 

He soon realized the further they ventured into the large rooms, the more extreme the clientèle and acts to accommodate. 

The third room showed that the hinting of skin was no longer required. All the workers and most of the customers were naked and in different states of achieving pleasure. 

Embarrassed and overstimulated by scents and pleasure inducing chemicals, Spock looked straight ahead, careful to avoid looking too long at some of the coupling. 

One however caught his attention and his breath hitched.  

A sweat slicked back was in his view, golden tanned skin and flawless complexion, the strong muscles moved as he did and strong hands gripped his hips making him ride harder upon the darker man beneath him. 

"Would you care for a private room?" 

Spock blinked as the man before him smiled. 

"No." 

Spock walked around the servant and quickened his steps. 

The golden head snapped backwards in pleasure and Spock could hear the moans now. 

Rage engulfed him, coming so suddenly his body trembled under the force of it, he knew nothing then, nothing but hate and the need for blood. Before he could collect himself, before he could _think_ , he shot forward and grabbed the blonde's hair. 

The gasp that followed made him stop. 

Suddenly, breath entered his lungs and his heart, racing, skipped a beat. 

Brown eyes looked at him in surprise and then satisfaction. 

"Hello. Would you like to join us?" 

The grin was nothing like Jim. 

The brown haired man was smiling but his eyes were narrowed and he relaxed as Spock shook his head. 

Breathing hard, he looked around the room, there was one more but he knew Jim wouldn't go farther than this. 

He knew what laid beyond this wasn't about pleasure. 

One hadn't moved from her spot by the door, instead she was staring at him slightly taken aback. 

"We need to go to the next floor." He said as he approached her. 

It wasn't until they were in the lift that she spoke. 

"You two were together, weren't you?" 

She didn't look at him and he didn't glance at her. 

"Yes." 

He felt her tension and she merely replied, "You should have told me. I would have brought another phaser considering you were about to kill that man." 

Spock didn't reply. 

When the lift opened again it was the exact opposite of comfort, of luxury. The floor was rock, polished and gleaming but rock nevertheless. The walls were grey and the lights bright, almost harshly so. 

Cheers, yells and groans could be heard even from the entrance. 

Two doors were on opposite sides of the wall in front of them. 

An Orion male was laying on a chaise and he looked up from his comm as they entered.

A drink in the other hand lowered and he raised his head in acknowledgement. 

"If you're betting; to the right. Fighting; left. I am sure we can make a good opponent for you," He said to Spock as he looked at One he said, "Sorry. Not you. Human's don't do very well here." 

One cocked her head and said, "You don't know me very well if you think you can say that." 

The Orion slowly grinned and eyed One with obvious sexual intent. 

"If you think you can handle big and bad, I'm all yours." 

She smiled back and Spock was left rather off-guard. 

"Oh, honey, I can handle just about everything. Even little Orions. But we're here to place bets today. Maybe tomorrow you can prove me wrong." 

The Orion was still grinning, eyeing One as they made their way to the correct door. 

"I am not sure that was wise." 

One shrugged, smiling. 

The hallway opened into a stadium of a sort, men and women sat comfortably around an arena and conversed and bet. Screens were up by the ceiling, numbers and fighters listed appropriately.

Saval was not listed, nor James.

But one caught his eye.

"We'll have to get to the back rooms somehow. Perhaps one of us should fight-"

Just then the Orion who had been fighting the Deltan got up from an obvious telepathic attack and shot out his hand to rip out the throat of the Deltan in question. Blood splayed across his bleeding face and his green skin was brown with bruising from broken ribs and from what Spock could tell a broken leg. 

He looked over at One and said, "From your genetic alterations, do you believe you could win against these...fighters?" 

One cast him an unamused look but Spock merely nodded at the man approaching them. 

"Welcome to the Cage. Here you are," Spock reached out for the slim control and saw the screen light up, "You can swipe here and it'll show you whose up next and their latest wins or if they're new. Minimum bet is two hundred and fifty." 

"Thousand?" One asked and the man only shook his head. 

Looking back at the Vulcan, the man eyed him and said, "You know, I've seen a few of you in here. Perhaps you'd like to make some credits tonight?" 

"Perhaps another night." 

The man nodded and waved to a girl that seemed much too young for Spock's liking. 

"This is Adie, she'll serve you for the rest of your evening here." 

Adie was very professional and very used to the job. She got One's drink and came back with a chocolate one for Spock without his asking. 

He took a sip the taste strong and sweet against his palate. 

He saw a total of three Vulcans in the crowd, two of which seemed to be together.

The thought that Vulcans came here at all did not set well with him. He could not help frowning at the sight of their likeness to himself. Only one appeared to be a hybrid with Romulan blood.

"So got a plan?" One asked for the second time that day.

Spock nodded and swipe the small device.

He took out his own credit card and swiped it.

"Saya?" One asked, looking over at him.

Spock nodded and sat back to watch the next bloodbath.

Fifteen minutes later Saya and a Klingon was announced.

One sat up straighter, her fork with steak stilled halfway to her mouth.

Spock's whole focus narrowed on the Klingon who came out from the opposite side. Cheers went up and followed by him was...

...not Jim.

Spock let out a breath, angry.

The man was human, handsome but dark haired and had an expression as if he would have not chosen to be there at all. 

The fact that people would be forced to fight had occurred to him as this wasn't legal on any Federation planet. However, this was the first fighter to openly express hostilely not only to his opponent but to the audience as well. 

The fight was shockingly exciting. Spock found himself moving forward and chided himself mentally. 

The man fought excellently, he stayed out of range of the Klingon's more powerful strikes but still got close enough to give blows to the Klingon's sensitive sides. Each had a long dagger and as the minutes ticked by the Klingon suffered double the amount of stabbings and slices. 

The floor was slippery, Spock could see the blossoming of bruises along the human's back, the indent where a bone had shattered. 

Once again Saya shot forward and got his knife in between a rib to hit against one of the Klingon's lungs. 

The stronger, slower Klingon yelled and finally lost his hold on his temper. 

It was the wrong move, Spock thought. 

Striking, the man turned and caught the Klingon. 

The dagger descended so rapidly, Spock almost lost it in the few seconds that it happened. 

The man struck right into the spinal cord three times and then swung with two hands and decapitated his enemy. 

For a moment the room was pierced only with Saya's harsh panting and then cheers and yells sharply rose. 

Spock didn't know what drew his eyes away from the man but the clapping caught his ears. 

And there, smiling by the entrance of the fighter cage was Jim. 

Spock felt like the world stopped, as irrational as it was. 

The blonde hair was darkened, the face scarred by his temple. He was tall, lean and grinning that same smile he had always had. 

His eyes, those remarkably blue eyes suddenly turned away from the other man and turned immediately to him. 

The smile turned knowing and Spock knew then that Jim had been watching him. 

He stood and Jim, still smiling, turned and walked back into the fighter's back rooms. 

* * *

 

"Are you sure?"

Spock nodded, forcing himself not to pace. 

Out in the back alleyway, he made himself relax. 

Eighteen minutes, seventeen seconds had passed since Spock had looked upon James. 

James. 

James smiling, eyes twinkling, mischief and daring in his expression. 

The door opened suddenly and the man taking the name Saya came out, still scowling. 

"We're not interested." 

Spock was about to ask about the 'we' when Jim appeared from behind the older man. 

"He's not here for you, Bones." 

Spock raised a brow at that but said nothing. 

The dark haired man murmured something akin to curses and then said, "C'mon lady, we're waiting over here." 

One glanced at him and then over at James who ignored her. 

He hadn't looked away from Spock. 

Then they were alone. Roughly alone. 

One and 'Bones' were both staring, out of ear shot back on the main road. 

"Spock." 

Spock flinched, blinking and the blonde continued to smile. 

Jim walked forward, Spock was once more reminded of the gracefulness that Jim had always managed to have when dealing with him. 

"To what do I owe this honour?" Jim asked standing right in front of him. 

The urge to reach out, to confirm with his own senses that he wasn't seeing an illusion was agonizingly powerful. 

He swallowed and said, "James." 

It came out breathlessly and Spock had to collect himself. 

Jim blinked, a flash of his own composure not handling the situation as he might make Spock believe. 

"I need your help. Please." 

Jim frowned, his eyes no longer warm or teasing. 

They were cold and Spock for a moment was frightened. 

 


	25. Use Caution When Making Deals With The Devil

Facing Jim was the hardest thing he had done since that day.

Everything hard or agonizing or painful had to do with the man standing a hairbreadth away.

“No.”

Lost in detailing everything about Jim's appearance he did not understand at first.

Jim's lips twitched and Spock blinked.

No.

No, he would not help.

Spock opened his mouth to protest but then was suddenly pulled forward.

Jim grabbed onto his jacket and jerked him until he crashed their lips together. He quickly grabbed hold of Jim's body.

Jim.

His Jim.

His heart was hammering as he responded in equal measure. Swift and powerful arousal flooded him.

Want.

Need.

The need to breathe in Jim's scent, unique and never once forgotten no matter how hard he had tried. The need to feel the warm skin underneath his hands. To feel his body. It consumed him. It was like breathing.

Spock crushed Jim to him, his hands wandering a little too rough up his back until they threaded through the thick blonde hair. How he had missed him. How he had dreamt of this. The feeling of Jim's tongue twisting expertly with his, his full lips pressed so fully to his. The feeling of his stubble, a new and surprisingly erotic feeling, scratched against his chin and cheeks. The sound of his heavy breathing...it was as close to heaven as he could understand it.

He nibbled Jim's lip and heard a choked gasp and smiled.

His thoughts wandered to biting his neck right where he knew a louder moan would sound out, he wanted to run his hands over every muscle, every dimple and angle, he wanted to know if the patch of freckles were still on Jim's shoulder or if they had faded with time. He wanted to know if he had grown chest hair and discover the sensation of it against his own. He needed to know every change, every difference, he needed to know the man that was still his Jim.

Deepening the kiss, Spock found himself being pushed against the wall in the alley hard with Jim pressing his body completely against his. The almost hostile act, the feeling of Jim against him spiked his desire.

Growling, he cupped Jim's cheek ready to turn them around and that was when he noticed it.

Jim quickly pushed away from him and Spock's knees nearly collapsed from the cold departure.

He felt an illogical feeling of betrayal.

Hurt, but more determined, he straightened himself and was slightly comforted by Jim's panting, his pupil's blown.

Unlike when they were children, Jim composed himself within a moment.

“Are you satisfied?”

Jim smirked and replied, “Oh, it always took more than a little kiss to satisfy me. You think I've changed that much?”

Spock did not answer.

“Why did you contact me?” He asked instead, upset.

Jim stilled and looked over to where One and Bones had moved. They faced away from them now and Spock felt embarrassed that he had lost control in front of one of his coworkers.

“I got persuaded into it. Besides, it took you long enough to figure it out.” Jim crossed his arms and Spock raised a brow. “You sent it to the VSA, as I do not attend nor work there I did not receive your message until two weeks previously. Though it did take a couple hours to decode.”

Now Jim grinned a bright smile that reminded him completely of his younger self. “A couple hours?”

Spock stayed silent and Jim sighed.

“Look, I can't help you. Even if I could, I wouldn't. My suggestion is to leave.” Spock felt a weight on his chest. “Just get out, Spock. Star Fleet's done. MACCO's finished. The Federation is going to come crumbling down and there won't be any safe haven. Get to the furthest planet in the most isolated part of the galaxy you could reach and don't look back.”

“Why are so certain we will lose?”

Jim chuckled, an unamused laugh and replied, “Because you don't have what it takes to beat T'Varka. That's a good thing but it will doom you.”

Spock clenched his jaw, the taste of Jim was still on his lips and the man in front of him was entirely indifferent. Indifferent to the coming war, the need for help, indifferent to him.

“You would allow your family to perish? Your planet? The human race would be enslaved, whatever is left of them.” Jim snorted and shook his head looking like it was Spock who wasn't making sense.

“Are you listening to yourself? My family; I had none remember. My planet? I couldn't give two shits about Earth, it was never home to me. And my race? My race is a dominating, power-hungry, two-faced bunch of children who need to figure out how to fight their own battles. I don't owe anyone shit. Not them, certainly not you. Now go tell whatever boss you obey that. And fuck off.”

Jim was turning, ready to leave and Spock rapidly shot forward.

Grabbing his arm, Spock held on tightly, fear paralysing him.

Jim stopped, frowning and said, “Let go of me Spock.” His voice was tense, his eyes guarded but Spock could see this close, the stressed lines on the corners of those eyes.

“You know how I am feeling. You know I can't do that.”

He tried his best to project, after having spent over a decade severely training to do the opposite and a lifetime of cultural teachings he found this most difficult. He was vulnerable but Jim had once been a part of him. He knew the very core of him.

Jim's eyes widened and his breath hitched as Spock sent out his desperation, his joy, anger, guilt, and uncertainty. Jim, breathing quickly, looked away from him, his whole body tense. At this position Spock caught the blinking device wrapped around his ear and positioned right by his temple.

“You are the only one who ever escaped T'Varka. You know their inner workings, how they attack, who will attack. Please Jim. I promise you will be granted all immunity to whatever you have done in the past. You will be protected on Terra.”

Jim didn't say anything but Spock could tell from his body that he didn't believe him. “You can't promise me anything, Spock. You can't even keep your own people safe.”

“Then why did you send me a message letting me know you lived?”

Spock let go, feeling as if he was in a daze.

He felt that day all over again. When the agony had faded, when the crying had ceased, when his screams would no longer sound.

He felt numb.

Jim turned once more to him but this time his eyes narrowed, not in cold strangeness, not in assessment, but in confusion.

“Say that again.”

Spock could not.

He was using forty-nine point seven percent of his mind to memorize every detail.

This would be the last time he saw Jim. That he would leave, willingly, knowing that Spock was right in front of him tore at his mental scars.

His eyes had remained the exact colour and shape, highlighted by black liner making them stand out even more. His nose had widened slightly and his brows had thickened and he had stubble that was precisely trimmed, most would think James beautiful.

Spock had been extremely lucky to have had the time he had with him.

“Fuck,” Spock heard Jim breathe as he turned away from him.

More confused now, Spock stilled. Before he could ask anything Jim twirled, quickly launched forward and slammed his fist against Spock's face.

Spock gasped at the hard impact, pain searing into his cheek. He stumbled from the impact and quickly braced himself, turning to face his now attacker. Jim looked furious, ready to attack again, he breathed hard but held himself still.

Within a second, Jim had a phaser pointed at his heart and Spock once more felt fear.

“Jim!”

Bones ran forward with One right beside him. Bones glared at him and asked, “What did you do?”

One came up to him, carefully, she eyed Jim who hadn't moved while saying, “He didn't do anything. Saval, let Spock go.”

Spock kept his gaze on Jim's.

Finally, what seemed like minutes later, though Spock's inner clock said differently, Jim snarled and scornfully snapped, “You're a fucking liar, you know that! You, of all of them, I expected a fucking lot more from you.”

Spock slowly felt his fear fade. Jim was not going to shoot him. If he was, he would have. But Spock could not understand what he had said to cause such a reaction.

“Caster Two.” It was the only thing that mattered. If Jim wanted to kill him, he would never have come to this planet.

Slowly, very slowly, Jim put down his phaser, although he looked reluctant to do so. He sharply turned away from him and ran a hand through his hair. Bones glared at him and One finally came up to him to check his face. “That's going to need a dermal regenerator.”

“What do they want?” Jim asked casually as if he hadn't just threatened to kill him.

“Information. Anything and everything that you know. Weapons, names, how many spacecrafts, how they fight, where they might attack next. How you got free, what happens truly to those taken. Everything.” Jim took a deep breath and shook his head again, though this time it was slow and deliberating.

“Star Fleet wants him?” Bones asked and Jim glared at him.

“No.”

“Yes.”

Spock and Jim glanced at each other and the other two ignored them.

Bones turned to Jim and said, “Kid, this is a good deal. They're offering protection right?”

Jim tensed and snapped, “Bones!”

Spock nodded and replied, “And immunity from any past charges.”

Bones quickly turned his head to Jim and said, “Jim, c'mon.” He lowered his voice and approached Jim, placing his hands on Jim's shoulders. Spock tensed at how familiar they were with each other. Bones had no fear at all. “Think about this,” he said quietly, “Star Fleet keeps it's word, Jim. You know that and you're the son of George Kirk, that matters to the Admirals who knew him. Hell, I was supposed to join Star Fleet. Besides, this could be really good for her. You have to think about that.”

Jim sighed again but now seemed to consider it and Spock shoved down the fleeting feeling of hope.

“It won't help. None of it will matter.”

Quietly, Bones replied, “It might help her, we can't live like this forever Jim. We just can't. Besides, if it doesn't work out, we'll bail.”

Jim glanced at him and for the second time that evening, he looked upon a stranger. The clashing contrasts were not doing well for his shields. Taking a deep breath, he reminded himself that Jim must be experiencing the same discomfort on some level.

Jim faced him and One and demanded, “Full immunity for me and whatever crew I need to deal with to help any of you. I want full protection for me and Leonard McCoy,” Bones nodded and seemed to be Leonard. “I also want all immunity for the crimes that I may commit in helping all of you lot.” Jim waited for One to nod since Spock immediately did so. “And I want Vulcan citizenship, full access, for when the planet is once again stable.”

Spock's chest tightened at that and One looked at him. He opened his mouth but then closed it, needing to focus his words. “I will get it for you,” Spock glanced at McCoy and said, “Is this just for you?”

Jim smirked again, his expression clearly telling Spock he knew what Spock was thinking and he was amused.

“No. I want all of those things applied to my daughter as well.”

Spock froze and stared at Jim. His mind blanked for a few moments before working without his permission.

“Saya.” Spock said.

It was McCoy who replied, “Yeah, she's the one who dragged your sorry ass to our craft. You're welcome by the way. I'm the one who patched you up.” Spock raised a brow at the now scowling man. “How's your back doing? Any residual pain or did your Vulcan voodoo take care of it?”

Spock had an idea what Vulcan 'voodoo' was implying but he answered, “I am well. You are a very talented surgeon.”

McCoy nodded and said, “Doctor Leonard McCoy. I'd say it's a pleasure but I'd be lying.”

Jim shook his head and asked, “Do we have a deal or not?”

Spock hesitated.

He wanted Jim back in his life but once more he reminded himself this wasn't his friend. His friend would never have kissed him just to examine his emotions. His friend wouldn't have a Romulan ky'nak blocking his thoughts from telepaths.

Now that Jim held himself more relaxed, Spock could see inside his jacket, he had multiple daggers and a Japanese retractable sword, along with what Spock could see no less than four phasers. No doubt he had much more powerful weapons as well.

Spock finally nodded and asked, “Where is Saya?”

 

* * *

 

Spock made himself stand still as the ship's doors opened. One nodded to him and got out first, going straight to her waiting husband. He sat looking relieved but still worried. Marcus and Bennett were there both looking alert and guarded. 

His father stood slightly apart and Spock would have passed him had he not stepped forward. 

Handing out two identification cards Sarek said, "The Council has granted access to Vulcan on conditions."

The fact that the Council had even agreed at all was at such a small chance Spock had not calculated it. That was the whole reason Jim was still in his spacecraft just out of orbit.

"They would be?" 

"The Council is part of all meetings with Saval. He will also not harm any Vulcans at any time in the future. And once he is allowed on Vulcan he will undertake monitoring whenever he is on planet." 

Spock raised a brow and glanced at the Admirals, they looked well informed and he nodded in acknowledgement. He sent the message to Jim as well as the scan of the ID's. 

A second later Marcus's PADD went off.

"He's entering orbit."

Spock felt the tension rise as Pike looked up at Bennett.

"Let's hope we're ready for this."

 The black spacecraft that Jim owned dropped out of stealth and became visible when it entered the atmosphere and expertly it pulled into the Star Fleet Headquarters Bay. 

Waiting was the worst and even Spock grew nervous as the door rolled down. 

Leonard McCoy was the first one out, looking as grim as ever though he had used a dermal regenerator himself since the bruising and split lip had disappeared. 

Next, Saya, looking very much human came out. Her hair was braided and she wore a very expensive looking trench coat with a tutu. She grinned brightly when she saw him and ran forward. Spock was caught off guard as she hugged him.

"Spock! I'm so glad you're okay." 

When she looked up, he noticed the small Vulcan features once again, her brows that reminded him of T'Pring, not as angled but certainly not human. Her ears poked out of her hair and her skin was slightly olive like his. He ignored Leonard who introduced himself to the others.

"I am well, how are you?" He asked and without thinking picked her up. 

She grinned again, and replied, "Much better. Sa-mehk said he's going to let me take ballet classes now." She looked around and while she took notice of the Admirals, her gaze stopped at his father. Eyes wide Spock almost smiled at her childish fear. She looked the exact way he imagined he had once done when he had been in trouble. 

"Hello." She said quietly. 

Sarek, now that Spock wasn't clouded by need for approval saw the emotions in his father. And right then he looked as amused as Spock felt. 

Spock put her down and she waited only a second as Jim got off the shuttle. 

Wearing the black uniform of the Generals, Spock froze as did everyone else. 

His hood was up, Spock knew the semantics of the reports of Varian weaponary but this was different seeing it. 

The close fitted outfit was almost impenetrable to most phasers. It didn't shine or glint but instead seemed muted as if he would disappear into the first shadow to touch him. Phasers were strapped to his thighs and another in a belt. He could see hilts of knives but he did not hear a single step as he neared. 

The way he moved was unnatural for a human and it made Spock have mixed emotions that he had no wish to identify. 

Once in front of them Jim lowered his hood and ignoring them, he looked to Saya and spoke in Varian. 

The words were Vulcan like yet more rolling and Spock could not identify a word. 

Saya looked up at Sarek and then back at Jim and nodded. 

Jim then took the IDs and said, "All right," he grinned brightly, wolfishly, making everyone nervous, "let's have some fun." 

Saya took Sarek's hand and said, "I'm staying with you today, if you don't mind." 

"He doesn't," said Jim, not taking his eyes of Marcus. 

 

"Right then," Pike said for everyone and Jim looked down at him. 

"Let's get on going. Welcome back home Mr. Kirk." 

Once more Jim smiled and said, "We'll see," before passing them and leading the way out of the bay. 

 

  


	26. Honesty; Loved And Hated In Equal Measure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I'm giving you an extra long chapter so to make up for my awful posting! I hope you enjoy it as the next chapter we are really getting into it!

Jim eyed the wall opposite him, bored. Four hours of not moving was starting to make his leg tingle but he knew they'd break before he did. Inwardly smiling, he watched the doors slide open and in came Doctor Fiona Marvo and Captain Christopher Pike. Through the opaque window there was no doubt fifteen more Admirals and Generals.

All of whom where probably wondering the same thing; could he be trusted?

Jim wondered if Spock was there, stern faced and restraining his tension.

No matter.

He had other playthings to deal with.

Marvo sat down in the chair opposite his table and asked, “Can I get your name on record, please?”

Her unease filled the room, her emotions strong. Finoa Marvo; renowned doctor of physiology, human behaviour and specializing in veterans or severe mental disorders brought on by stressful extremes. War, abuse, stockholms. Age sixty-one, divorced, no children.

Easy prey.

He smiled and sensed as it heightened which only made him smiled wider.

“Saval. Lieutenant Saval.”

It was Pike who sat back in his wheelchair. “Your birth name and your age, where you were born, when and how you were taken.”

Jim sat back, relaxed and took in Christopher Pike.

Pike was different.

He read about him, read about all the Admirals and Generals and Politicians. Pike had known his father, there had even been a picture of them together at the academy. Pike had been a few years younger than his father and he had written his dissertation on the event that Jim had read a few years ago. Cautious not paranoid, cunning, stern but fair and he had several black marks on his record for leaping into situations that he could have avoided just to help his crew or an alien planet.

He liked Chris, he held a lot more of a backbone than most of his superiors.

“James Tiberius Kirk, twenty-five, born in space though raised first in Riverside, Iowa, and then in San Francisco. I was on board the USS Bradbury, September second, 2246, twelve years ago. The ship was attacked by Varians two days before fuelling up at the Axis station before heading to Caster Two. There was an emergency evacuation and those pods were destroyed, when the Varian's boarded they killed the adults and got seventeen children together, myself included. I was taken from there.”

He stated the facts coolly and eyed Pike.

The older man nodded and said, “Then what happened?”

Jim shrugged and said, “What usually happens when someone is kidnapped and made into a mass-murderer. Why don't you guess?”

Pike smiled back at him before replying, “We don't have to anymore. That's what you're here for.”

Jim tilted his head and further relaxed his body. He really liked this captain.

“I thought I was here to save your asses. But technicalities and all.”

Pike shrugged as well and said, “What happened next?”

Jim took a deep breath, trying his best not to think about it, he replied, “Look, this will be a lot easier to explain once I have everyone in the same room. You don't want my story, what you want is to know how they operate. I can and will tell you that but I need PADDs and I want everyone of importance there. It's easier to tell everyone at the same time then to have one of you mess it up the retelling.”

“I don't think you understand your position.”

Jim sighed and stood, his cuffed hands in front of him holding him to the ground. Marvo sat back from where she had been eyeing the screen in front of her, his brain activity and body scans.

“No, Chris, I don't think you understand yours. But I do. I'm here to help as per our agreement. You want it, it's going to go one way.”

He dropped the military cuffs on the table making both of their eyes widen.

“Now, I'm going to go spend the rest of the day with my daughter. We'll meet in a week. I want every leader in the Federation to attend and then we'll talk. Everyone, Chris...everyone who is going to fight with us against T'Varka. And tell them I agreed to help not to murder them when they attend.”

Purposely, Jim walked over to the hidden doors and turned to the window. “Now are you going to let me out or should I show you how fast I can trip your security?”

The doors opened after a long moment of staring down Pike who didn't back down and he glanced out the corridor.

Five Admirals were there, no doubt the others had hurriedly left. Jim tried not to notice that Spock was not there.

Leaning against the wall, Jim crossed his arms and causally asked, “Whose gonna give me back my weapons?”

* * *

 

 Spock entered his father's condo to hear his mother's voice coming from the kitchen.

“It'll be alright. Being with a Vulcan isn't exactly the easiest of relationships. Communication is extremely hard for them, being telepathic and having that way so familiar to them they forget that we can't tell who they are feeling or what they are thinking. You'll get through it though, Spock does love you so much. Trust me, he wouldn't be with you if he didn't.”

His chest tightened as he heard Nyota speak.

“I know. It would have been nice to hear about this from him though before all this happened. I understand why he didn't but it still hurts that he didn't trust me enough.”

“It's not trust that's the issue, it's the fact that James was such a large part of his life that he couldn't speak of it.”

There was a pause and Nyota asked, “Should I be worried?”

Another pause sounded and Spock's heart leapt.

“You should ask him, dear. But know he chose you, he decided to move on and be with you. That means something.”

He moved deliberately louder and appeared in the great room.

Nodding to his mother he walked over and sat beside Nyota at the breakfast bar.

“How was your trip? I heard you managed to get a Varian back here.”

Spock nodded and replied, “James has decided to help with our mission, they are debriefing him now. The trip overall went well. How have you been?”

Nyota smiled and said, “Well. I got promoted so I'll be with you on the Enterprise for certain now.”

Spock felt relieved, though she was the top of her class and performed very well on their mission, she was inexperienced and that might have gone against her as she competed against older candidates.

“That is welcoming news.”

At that she smiled and then turned as Saya and Sarek came out of the meditation room. Once more his body failed to act normally as he gazed upon James' daughter.

“Hello,” Saya said as she joined them looking happy. “Is dinner almost ready?”

Amanda smiled and replied, “Almost. I made all Vulcan dishes for you to try. Some of them your father wouldn't know so I know they'll be new to you.”

The bell went off and Sarek went to answer.

“So what do you like doing for fun?” Nyota asked Saya.

She tilted her head and pondered the question before answering, “I like to take apart PADDS and resemble them, and decode cryptex cylinders that Sa-mehk makes. He makes scavenger hunts out of them and it's fun. And I train every day.”

When Sarek came back it was with Jim and Saya outwardly brightened as he came to them. He kissed her head and said, “Told you I wouldn't be long. Now get your coat, we have to leave.”

Saya slumped and asked, “Do we have to? Mrs. Grayson made plomeek soup and kreyla bread and ihntya. Please.”

Jim's lips twitched but he glanced coldly up at all of them, eyes lingering on Nyota and then Amanda. Spock noticed the tension between him and his mother as they looked at each other.

Amanda froze under his gaze.

“No.” Jim said sternly looking back at his daughter, “We're leaving. C'mon. Besides you need to research which school you want to attend. I suggest these three,” Jim took out a small disk from his pocket and gave them to her. She took it, nodded and went to get her jacket as she was told.

Spock frowned, feeling disappointed and asked, “Would it not be logical to stay here for dinner as it will be ready only momentarily?”

Jim was about to answer when his comm went off. Black, slightly translucent, Spock recognized it in being the newest upgrade not yet on the market, it was also militarized and untraceable.

“Yeah,” Jim answered on mute. Immediately, Spock knew something was wrong as Jim tensed and moved away from them, Spock couldn't help but notice the device was back on his temple. “How many?” A pause and Jim nodded, then turned back to see Saya staring at him.

“Okay. Give me a day.” Jim put the comm away and said, “Uncle Bones is waiting for us.”

“Are you going away again?” Saya asked, taking his hand and waving at them though Spock could see the ill-hid tension in her.

“Not for long,” Spock heard as they walked down the hall, “but Sa-mehk has to go play the good guy right now.”

Nyota breathed out as the two disappeared. The tension left the room almost completely though Spock was wondering what Jim was up to.

“You know for what it's worth,” Nyota said, “He raised a pretty cute daughter, she seems genuinely happy and normal.”

Sarek nodded and spoke up as Amanda and Spock set the table. “She is very intelligent and takes after her Vulcan heritage in that. However, her mind is much more human even than yours.”

Spock stilled as he laid the ihntya on the table and everyone sat down. “You melded with her?” He asked.

Sarek nodded taking a scoop of the food Amanda offered. “What did you find when you did so?” Sarek asked him.

It had been in a less than ideal situation and he replied, “I merely projected a sense of calm to her but I found her mind to be very open.” Sarek nodded and replied, “Saya was raised by James, a human. While James himself is capable of raising mental shields within himself they are human in nature and not exactly what a Vulcan would be able to build and maintain.”

Nyota frowned and asked, “So you're saying that Saya needs Vulcan control?” Amanda glanced at her, both looking concerned and Sarek paused before saying, “Control wouldn't be the best of words but as she does not know how to properly organize her mind, she could do with more training yes. And her emotional controls will only weaken as she ages.”

Spock nodded already seeing the signs of a more Romulan personality than Vulcan and though Saya was generally happy, their people weren't known for that centuries ago.

“I will have to speak to James and have her practice techniques on a more routine schedule.” Spock arched a brow at that. He did not see James allowing that in this current situation.

Taking a bite of his own meal, Spock thought about Saya, she was seven meaning that Jim had been eighteen when she was born. But with all the medical necessities involved in making a Vulcan hybrid how long had it taken before Saya had survived? Amanda and Sarek had tried for three years with multiple miscarriages before Spock was conceived and much of it had been due to medical advancement and lab testing.

He did wish to get to know her, even if Jim hadn't been her father, Saya was the only other known Human-Vulcan hybrid that he was aware of. How much were they similar, how much did they differ? Was he more Vulcan like than her or was it merely that, as Sarek said, Saya was raised purely by James T' Kirk, the most human of humans he had ever encountered?

* * *

 

He waited until the night to properly converse with Nyota back at their apartment.

“I would like for us to speak if that would be amenable?”

Nyota looked back at him from where she tugged on her nightgown. Frowning, she sat on the bed and nodded.

“I recognize that I have unintentionally hurt you and I wish to apologize for that. I never meant for my past relationship to effect our current one.” Nyota bit her lip and then said, “I just wish you told me you had a past relationship in that sense. We've known each other so long and before we were together we were friends... You called yourself husband, Spock. When that hologram came on I saw how terrible you felt, I heard you call yourself life-partner. Jim programed that and he knew what you'd say, knew that you'd figure it out.”

Nyota looked away from him her eyes welding up with unshed tears.

“You two weren't just dating were you?”

Spock looked away and shook his head. She breathed out and said, “You were sixteen. That's pretty young especially for a Vulcan. Oh...that means he was only thirteen.” The surprise on her face showed everything she felt. Shock, understanding...pity. “That too young to tie your life to someone.” She whispered and Spock refrained from reminding her of Vulcan betrothals. He knew what she really meant.

They hadn't been intended, there would have been no breaking it. They had been bonded.

Spock swallowed and said, “I understand if you wish to terminate our romantic relationship as of these facts. I will leave and have my things collected tomorrow when you are out of the premises.” A very painful silence stretched out and Spock's mind raced over every smile, every patient conversation that they had had.

Nyota had been his first friend since Jim. She had opened him up, taught him that he could enjoy life again. She had made living become more than duty, more than a chore. He owed her so much. And now he had ruined that relationship.

“I have two questions Spock that I need you to answer before I decide how to proceed.” Nyota's voice was calm, firm but with undertones of uncertainty and worry that she could not hide.

He nodded.

“In the past four years that we've been dating I have been extremely communicative on how I feel about you. I love you and I want to be with you. Do you love me?” He could see what it took for Nyota to ask him such a thing and he was stunned.

“Yes.” He said before he could stop himself.

He had not known she doubted such an emotion from him. He cared for her well-being, he was protective of her, interested in her opinions and ideas, and the thought of losing her made it clear that it was a painful situation.

“Do you plan on bonding with me in the future?”

At that he paused and tensed and she noticed.

Looking away from him, she squared her shoulders as if to brace herself against a blow. Bonding was something he avoided thinking about. Jim, their bond was still painful was still present and he had no wish to put that pain on anyone else in the future. He had no idea whether the rest of his population now felt the same. Perhaps a visit to the Embassy and to those that had lost their bondmates would be educational for him. He had avoided it back on Vulcan but now they all shared the same experience.

Spock needed to tell her the truth. He needed to say it finally aloud even to himself. Bracing himself he started slowly. “I...It is not that I do not plan on it. My previous bond was broken harshly, without consent and I felt the death of it. As a human you cannot imagine the pain both physical and mental that places on a Vulcan. I was sixteen, not the youngest to have ever been bonded but certainly one of them in this current century. I dedicated myself to Kolinarh to purge that pain away and instead of taking the last steps at the VSA I chose to come to Star Fleet. And then I met you.”

Nyota looked at him and he tried to convey his sincerity.

“You showed me true life again that did not linger in pain or anger. You welcomed me, warmed me and I am grateful to have you in my life. As I am half Vulcan I might not need to bond to sustain a long life with a partner of my own choosing. I wish that partner to be you.”

She was crying now, softly, quietly but tears ran down her cheeks nevertheless. She nodded and quickly moved to hug him.

Tightly he embraced her, relief flooding him. He knew there was no future with Jim as his mate. He knew that man wasn't his and the woman in his arms right then was exactly that.

Nyota had saved him. He loved her dearly for that.

* * *

 

Jim had been absent for days and the only reason that Star Fleet wasn't more anxious than they already were was that Leonard McCoy showed up at the hospital every morning, the last week saw his medical expertise being tested and proven quite outstanding and having his license renewed. He now became a newly hired doctor at Star Fleet working under Doctor Alexander herself.

And there was Saya, Saya who showed up every day at the Star Fleet daycare, who constantly sneaked out and had put off several security alarms before she was found in some random location that was utterly improper for a child to be in.

Star Fleet, however, learned quickly and on the third day it was Sarek himself whom gained Saya's attention as he went to set in a meeting for the High Council. She popped her head out of the room and called out, “Sarek! What are you doing here?”

Running up to him she hugged him rather improperly for a Vulcan and he glanced around the officers looking at them as well as his own aid. He nodded to the aid and gave him his PADD before the Vulcan kept walking.

“I am here for business. I take it you are being cared for here.” She looked back at the woman who stood half in-half out of the room.

“I'm bored.”

Sarek could not help but feel a bit of amusement at Saya's outwardly responses however he also felt a tinge of unease as well. “If you would like I have a half hour before I am needed and I can meditate with you.”

It was not to much of a surprise that Sarek got a call the next day and while he had a busy schedule with meeting MACCO and Star Fleet officers about the war, meeting the Vulcan High Council, who were still unstable and yet determined to organize a colony close to Vulcan to monitor the planet's progress, he still felt he needed as a student of Surak to teach those principals to Saya.

For the next couple of days he showed her Vulcan strategies to build proper restraints and rooms in which to categorize her mind. He also gave her his family's book on the Vulcan practices in which should help some.

“Are you almost ready?” Amanda asked as she placed the backing on one of her errings. He nodded tying the sash around himself. “Do you think it's going to be alright?” She asked as he walked out and into the lift. “Yes. The leaders are all present and everyone is doing as James requested, security has been tripled around and in the building.”

She nodded and they stepped out into the lobby. “How's Saya?”

He brightened and said, “She is an excellent student but needs much training. She is several years behind some of her peers in certain aspects, others quite remarkably ahead.” Amanda smiled and got into the waiting car.

They sat in pleasantry silence until Sarek said, “She is very much like him.”

Amanda reached out and took his hand, saying quietly, “I know. I see him in her so much.”

Guilt once more overtook Sarek for a moment. He pushed it down with great difficulty. Perhaps that was why he felt so obligated to Saya. He took a breath and waited for his wife to speak as he knew she would.

“Do you think he...Do you think he could be saved?”

That was not what she wanted to ask.

Sarek knew her mind and had asked that same question himself. Over and over again until it had ruined his family. It hadn't gone unnoticed that Spock only now was talking to them and only carefully.

“I do not know.” He answered both questions.

She squeezed his hand and didn't let go. He loved her so much more in that moment then he could fully express.

* * *

 

They assembled all together in the circled gathering room. Much like the Federation Council meeting room except larger.

Everyone, man and woman and alien who would be helping in the resistance against T'Varka was now present. For the past half hour they mingled and discussed their positive weaponry, soldiers, new and upcoming devices and ships that would take the Varians by surprise.

Soon though, without the presence of James they began to fidget and several looks were cast at Leonard McCoy's person who lingered unpleasantly and permanently by the appetizer and drink table.

“Don't know where he is, go away.” The man grumbled as Spock approached him. He did not have to time to reply as that moment several screams sounded out.

Turning, he saw a flash of black.

Jim landed gracefully from an impossible jump from the ceiling beams and rapidly he fired.

Several men and women fell, screams rang out and Spock ran to the closest fallen man laying on the ground. He was dead.

Many were dead.

Before security could react a Betazoid prince showed uncanny telekinetic power as Jim was thrown across the room without being touched. However, the moment he was pinned to the floor the Betazoid started screaming, holding his head and slowly he tried to fight through the pain.

Jim stood, looking much bigger than he naturally was, his muted dark suit seemed to captivate everyone around him. Phasers were pointed at him and Jim didn't even seem phased as he walked, silently, gracefully towards the prince.

The prince grabbed a hidden phaser under his dress robes and stood.

Speaking Varian, Jim lowered his hood, looking severe and alert. The Betazoid attacked fiercely firing and Marcus called out to halt security as the crowd ran out of the way.

The prince was a Varian.

He could see the shock on the Betazoids, their worry, their fear.

But the fight that engaged was unlike anything Spock had witnessed.

Jim managed to dodge all but two shots and both hit his armoured suit. Telepathy was in full force as Spock noticed the strong jerking of one of them at odd times that caused them to fumble. Jim responded rapidly by lunging forward and slashing across the Betazoid's arm arcoss, the weapon falling as it's handler grunted and brought out a sword.

Swords clashed against one another too quickly to see properly, the men moved just as fast. Jim lunged and parried making the sick battle look graceful and easy. He cut into the Betazoid with precision never going to deep but slicing through the nerves. Bloody, staggering the Betazoid did not give up even when numerous secuirty personal had phasers trained on him.

Savagely, another telepathic attack went out and Spock braced himself against it. Quickly, Jim lashed out and hacked into the back of the man's legs sending him to the ground.

More yells called out and Jim ignored them, calmly and slowly he wiped his blade of the man's still kneeling body before he sheathed the blade and slowly as the man blasted out pain and fury into the room, causing many to scream and fall under the attack, Jim pulled out a phaser and shot him in the head.

He looked around the crowd casually yet with undertones that said he was ready for any more attacks. Looking at him, Spock could feel the tension, fear and horror from the crowd.   
  
Jim, right then, did not look like an asset to them but rather the one who would as likely kill them as save them.

“Whatever information you allowed these seventeen beings to be aware of the Commander knows. Any weapons, defences, council members, leaders. Your personal lives, who you care about. The Commander knows. From this moment forward, if so much as strike up a conversation with your waitress I want their picture and name. You can no longer trust those around you, you can no longer trust the ones you hold dear. If you buckle under threat of your loved ones being killed then leave."

Jim paused as he circled and looked at each of them. 

"You dying, your family dying, your friends. Get used to that idea, picture it every day, every night and hold it close. The moment you acknowledge it, the moment you feel so much pain and anger and loss that's the moment you become committed to this cause. As of right now ladies and gentlemen we are on the losing side. If you want to win then you are going to have to sacrifice and claw your way to it. War does not mean happy endings, it does not mean you get to go home safe to your beds. You've agreed to take on a threat that had Klingons and Romulans and Orions on their toes. I'm all for it, are you?" 

Jim stopped and it was Marcus' voice that called out, firm and certain, "We are all here because we have committed to this, boy. We are ready." 

Jim chuckled, looking amused and said, "No you're really not." 

Jim circled the room once more and said, "For those of you who don't know my name is Saval. I've probably killed a few of your relatives," James winked at an emperor who stood frozen and glared back, "I am a Varian and was captured twelve years ago from a Star Fleet ship. I was trained to do one thing and one thing only, to obey my Commander, to take my orders and full-fill them to the absolute best of my abilities. I was a very good solider. Now I want you to know that every child of T'Varka, every boy and girl taken is lost." 

Some looked at each other and started to frown.

"They do not want to be saved by you. I want to make that very clear. In any battle in the future you will come face to face with men and women, some generations of Varians but you will come across children..ten, nine..most above the ages eleven. They are who you all need to fear worse. They are savage, unpredictable and they will do everything possible to kill you.  This war in which you have all agreed to isn't against the Commander. The Commander is the head of a thousand thousand heads. And to get to him, I assure you, we will have to war against the children first." 

Several were taken back by this. 

Spock himself felt dread. He had illogically like many others hoped that they could be saved. 

"If you can't put a phaser shot into a child then leave. Because I can assure you the aim of an eight year old is surprisingly sharp and they do not have any problem killing you." 

No one moved and Jim nodded after a moment. 

"Okay, perfect I love it when people agree with me, let's get started then," he said and clapped his bloody hands together. 

 

 

 


	27. First Steps For Answers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually planned to post this like a week and a half ago but my computer deleted half of the chapter and I got so frustrated and had technical issues. I finally got it done! Yay so I hope you enjoy and I'm sorry about making all of you wait for so long. I'm sorry.

“First thing's first,” James called as people took their seats in the adjoining room allowing security and doctors to care for the seventeen bodies and crime scenes, “T'Varka.”

In the middle of the room a holo appeared showing the planet and it's three moons orbiting.

“You know practically nothing about it so I'm going to let you in on how the whole system operates.” Jim circled the room making eye contact with many individuals. “Here's a history lesson for everyone here...T'Varak was colonized over three thousand years ago by Vulcans in case you didn't know.”

“The purpose had been quite noble actually, during this time Vulcan was hostile, full of paranoia, savage domination of neighbouring planets and breakouts of war both on the planet and off.” Jim nodded to the Andorians who had for centuries fought off and on with Vulcans during that time.

“The Vulcans, at that time, wished to police their own; to sentence new laws and punish crimes in which would be committed...well just plain brutally. The Vulcans made their own structure for their new laws and for about three hundred years managed to actually stem the violence in most of Vulcan. Warp capabilities came to a standstill, wars slowly stopped...outside of Vulcan at least. On Vulcan it was a different matter, and no matter how T'Varka handled one case after another they could not change the entire planet. Surak did that. And once he did, slowly T'Varka policing was no longer was required. They had no more purpose. After centuries of guarding their own they found they were no longer needed. They retreated back to their colony and had no wish to reintegrate back into Vulcan society.

“For several centuries they were forgotten, they did not adhere to Surak but they were not lost in their emotions either. By the time they emerged two thousand years later they were changed. Like Romulans they had drifted away from their Vulcan ancestry to become something else.”

“Varians are not connected telepathically. That is one of the main differences to have come from their evolution. Although they do have telepathic abilities, stronger than most Vulcans, they most commonly use telekinesis. Physically they are almost identical to Vulcans, however, their ears are not as pointed and their blood type is all the same T-Negative with K cells.”

Spock felt surprise at that as it was one of the more rare blood types on his planet. For all to the same however was even more rare.

“Their race is small. Since they have difficulty procreating between themselves most today are some form of hybrids with Vulcan or Romulan blood. The amount of pure Varians actually alive is somewhere between....three hundred to seven hundred...maybe. Don't underestimate them however, these guys are...well they are what nightmares try to be.”

“As for the planet...There are eighteen provinces and each province has at least three separate districts. Each district is headed by a General. They are the best of the best, it's their responsibility to maintain order within their district. Each General is also a Master, they are the ones who train new children. Sometimes, if they get large groups they'll break them off into separate provinces. Once you are placed in a district however, that's commonly where you stay.”

Jim pressed a button on a PADD and the globe then showed the divisions between provinces, districts and the names of them. Spock noticed more than half of it was blank.

“I was trained by my Master in the district Vela in the province of Desmir. As you can see I know roughly the lower hemisphere and not much else. There's no movement between provinces, you stay with your General and with those he or she recruits. The only reason I know some of the others is because my Master brought me there. Each city is built upon an underground tunnel system. It is half natural, half made. And it is somewhere in which no Varian wishes to go. Called Abaddon by those who were thrown into it, it Ladies and Gentlemen, is pure and real hell in this realm. As real as it could possibly be. Those get punished either by being too weak or too insane and yet are still useful can spend anywhere from a couple weeks to their entire lifetimes in those tunnels.”

Spock noticed Jim's tension, his warrior stance, he was frightened even just mentioning the place.

“Each child has specific training unique to their personality, their race and what will make them break quickest with the best chances of molding them to what we want. Vulcans for example are first broken of their bonds, their skin most of the time is burnt and then they are thrown into a hole. Isolation is the key to breaking both Vulcans and Deltans and some Humans. They are separated whenever possible from any and all telepathic connections; constantly out of range from any and all telepathic opportunities. Every day they are held in the dark, unable to connect with anyone at any time, they are taken out each day beaten and-or raped, depending, and then tossed back in. It tends to take a number of years for a teenager to be broken they have seriously rigid minds. Humans are the best at breaking.”

Jim shrugged acknowledging himself as human.

“They're mentally weak and as children are very adept at surviving and changing to do so. Usually it only takes about a month before their compliant. Klingons are the worse though, while they make the best stable warriors out of the bunch besides Andorians, breaking them is a dreadful task.”

Jim shook his head and didn't elaborate.

“Security. Let's move on. Security is a funny thing on the planet. There is no security whatsoever on their space crafts. You can get into any hanger at any time and pilot your own shuttle. I did once and even left the planet.”

Spock stilled as did many others. Jim glanced at him but quickly looked away.

“A child does have a tracking device but it is only monitored to keep them in their city under guidance from their specific General. Drones monitor the planet every day, all day but they are not lethal. There are cloaking capabilities as well.”

Now PADDS went off throughout the room and Spock looked down to see his lightning up with information. The province of Desmir spanned out with key areas of laboratories, military bases including their docking bays and weapon manufacturing buildings. It also included specs on the crafts and weapons, shields and the planet's force fields as well. All of it was highly advanced, some even more than MACCO and they had better warp capabilities as well as torpedoes.

“On your PADDs you have everything I know on the weapons and spacecrafts that I got to play with. And as you can see there is something uniquely special about having a planet so multicultural. We have Klingon torpedoes with Andorian shield processors, purely beautiful Orion phaser snipers and everything which each race has contributed to war, pain and conquering. The last page is telepathic warfare which the Commander is very appreciative towards. He plans on attacking them first since generally your species,” Jim glanced around at the telepathic groups, “well you can get tricky and the Commander does not do tricky. Like Vulcan; he'll hit Deltans, Andorians, Betazoids and as you already know he's gone after the Romulans already.”

“They're safe by the way or as safe as they can right now. They launched a counterattack and rained down fire on the Varians three days ago. Splendid adrenaline rush let me tell you.”

Spock raised a brow, surprise rising within him. Jim had been to Romulus this week? He glanced at Pike to find him just as surprised and suspicious.

“Now,” Jim once more clapped his hands together and rubbed them before asking, “Any questions?”

“How did you get away?” Pike asked loudly, firmly and calmly.

Jim tilted his head and said, “Technicality. I won.”

“But you're still being hunted.” Sarek said from across the room.

Jim shrugged and said, “Tomato, tomahto.”

All the Vulcans and some Andorians frowned, confused.

“Any _other_ questions?”

“Where should we attack first?” Marcus asked a few seats away and higher up.

Jim narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and said, “Well depends on which group you wanna hit.”

Blinking he shook his head and said, “Shit... yeah. Right. Four groups.”

He paused and hit another button showing the face that made Spock freeze. Four squares, all but one with faces of men where shown and for the first time the crowd got to see what a few Generals looked like. The fifth square held a unknown hooded figure.

“These are special Generals. They are the Generals of Generals, second only to the Commander himself. Each of these men are very highly skilled in one type of killing, every single child under their care will learn their speciality, these guys have trained the other Generals below them and one way or another if you survive long enough you'll be accepted into one group or another. Some flourish and never need to be given to another group, some don't. There are the Zaki, the Andorian here is the unofficial leader since he killed the last one.

"The Zaki are completely and utterly psychotic. They are the crazy of the crazy and are mostly suicidal. They will do everything and anything to kill you even if means crashing their ships into yours. They will not hesitate to end their lives if it means taking you with them. Be very scared when you see them and do your best to blow them up first. They use the smaller fighter jets more often then not and will be the ones first to any and all space battles.”

“Next up, we have the Sansvines. I actually like these guys. They can be paranoid and these guys are sneaky little bastards, some of them were the ones that I just killed for you. You're welcome. Con-artists by nature it is nurtured until they can lie past every test out there. But the one downside to them is that they are always, and I mean, always plotting something. The Commander himself keeps an eye on them and only two have access to him. These guys are sent in to spy and are mostly information gatherers. They can be your wife or your coworker and they are known for long missions, one spied for thirty-seven years before returning home after killing both her target which was her husband, his council and her three children which were too old to bring back.

“Thirdly, we have the Mass. These are the ones that are the most common and have not one top General but roughly ten keeping an eye on everyone throughout the planet. They follow orders exceptionally well, never question anything and always give you a quick, clean death. Kind of boring but high on efficiency. These guys never miss their mark and if they fail they tend to sentence themselves to punishment. Failing to them means that they kill three times as much the next time around. I knew this one boy who missed a shot and I had to clean it up, he blew up the city instead.”

Jim scratched his chin and then smirked, “Okay... Not that boring. You'll see them first before any real fun happens most likely and we can probably out fight half of them. Moving on...”

Jim glanced a the lone Vulcan that was staring back at them and once more glanced at Spock.

“The Vulcan is the General of the Ada'Ren's. These guys are old school. One the founding clans on the planet before they changed to become what they are now. The Ada'Ren's are dignified and regal. These guys could be sitting right next to you and neither one of us could pick them out of the crowd. Intelligent, they will know everything from how to make exotic wines to fine arts to languages and computer everything. They are also highly scary. You could be getting along, fighting together for years and they could save your life a time or two and fifteen years later having dinner with them, they could slice your throat open with a smile. They will betray their own if the Commander so much as twitches the wrong way. They are tremendously loyal to T'Varka and these guys are going to be hard to spot. I can't give you specifics because they tend to change tactics on a dime.”

“And finally we come to the other blue-bloods. These guys are the most loyal, the most old school and all are close to the Commander. As you can see the leader is not known to me. I have never been selected to see him although I have fought with his or her underlings a time or two. These guys are secretive. I didn't even know they existed a few years ago. Called Ghosts they are unknown to everyone planet-side. This is the second founding clan of the planet and they blend. They are capable of being in all groups and that is the most frightening with them. Ghosts can be regal and hide out in a ballroom, they can double cross you and hit from all sides that you never would see coming. They can rampage with the best of the best or they kill you slowly making it look like an accident. These guys are our number one priority and I assure you there is more of them in our ranks and out in this very city right now.”

Jim looked at the black outline and shook his head, “Ghosts are also the group in which we can't attack. We won't know who they are until they come out and show us, unfortunately. The next move right now will be against Betazoid and demolishing the race and at the same time they'll hit Andoria since telepathy is uncommon but extremely powerful there, it'll be fast and quick and the squad will move right to Delta IV. Terra will be hit last since it is the less powerful.”

Jim once more shrugged and made it clear that Terra and humans as a whole he considered just as weak as the Commander did.

“Each different sect will fight different, apart, and hit you at different times and sides. What tactic will work for one group will not work for another. You need to mix up your own crews on your ships in order to counteract this. Each senior officer must be different from each other, a speciality in crazy is a requirement however. These guys are coming, they might not attack right away, but when they do it'll be just as quick as was on Vulcan.”

Jim sat on the console in which his PADD was on and looked around curiously.

It was an Andorian in which spoke next, “You said the children cannot be saved, that they will not want it. Why? Why can't we rescue our own?”

Jim clenched his jaw, a tic he always had when irritated.

“The Commander has certain techniques he uses to hold them there. Trust me...you're not going to break that. And I repeat what I said earlier, he'll use them against you. Get you off your guard and in those stages those kids can't have sense talked into them.”

“But you did.”

Jim didn't turn to acknowledge the comment and instead yawned and stretched.

“Well, I think I'm done for today. You all got most of the information I have. Talk amongst yourselves and if you come up with a plan by tomorrow morning let me know. Bones,” Jim called tilting his head up at the man who was holding a drink of alcohol, “Where's my daughter?”

“I left Dash with her.” Jim's eyes narrowed but Doctor McCoy seemed unfazed.

Then in a breath, Jim released all of his tension and shrugged, “I better not go home to having knives in the walls again.”

“It was one time, and she was three, doesn't count.”

Jim was about to walk over to him when he stopped and looked up at everyone, clearly and firmly he said, “I have a daughter. She's not to be talked about or written about or even remotely mentioned in any of your minds. And I make you a promise that if you do so and even a threat is made against her, I will make what happened to Vulcan look like fucking child's play to what I will do to every single member of your race. My daughter is off limits to everyone. Do I make myself clear?”

His emotions were clearly defined and the tension ramped up in the room.

Spock had to shield himself against the combined rising emotions.

Then Jim walked out with Doctor McCoy right on his heels.

The moment the door slid shut the room exploded with men and women speaking on top of one another.

* * *

 

Jim tried to concentrate on his heart beat. Faint yet steady he kept track by pressing against his wrists. But not harshly, he couldn't be harsh. Sweat was dripping uncomfortably down his back and he kept track of that too. A faint drop was lingering between his shoulder blades and slowly he stretched his shoulders, feeling it move just a quarter of an inch.

Vix's hand brushed against his bare arm, silently telling him not to focus so much on the external. He couldn't help it. The moment his attention fluttered it all came back.

His heart started racing, his worry, anxiety and fear spiked until it washed into happiness and joy.

Pain...that was what was strongest. Pain and a lurching feeling, fear filled him but then he could feel the piece of metal dig into his gut, his body was on fire from the broken bones crushing into his lungs... ...

Anger.

Hurt.

Betrayal and guilt. He cheated. 

It was too much. ....

He was dying.

Oh god he was dying. ...

Fear again but joined in with anxiety. Boy or girl?

Joy.

He screamed.

Suddenly, Vix jolted him out of his meditation and Jim was back to being Jim except he could still feel them. He felt them all and had to breath loudly and deeply to centre himself.

His palms clenched wanting to grab onto himself, wanting to rid everyone from him.

“Just breathe, focus on me. I am right here. You are here, you are not them. Focus.”

If he could, Jim would have told him to fuck off but he could hardly breathe never mind talk. Taking in big gulps of breath the one thing that allowed him to focus was Saya's voice. She was talking to Dash or Bones maybe, sounding calm and excited. Her bond with him twitched in worry knowing he was trying. He was trying for her. But damn he wanted to give up.

But the way she looked last night when he took off his ky'nak and she could feel him normally was more than he could take. He was her only true familial bond though she had one with Bones and Vix as a lesser extent. He knew she was having trouble since coming to a more populated area. He should have kept them off grid. But it was too late for that now.

He got up, surprising the Romulan and managed to walk while tensing as he felt his hand get burned. It wasn't him but he couldn't say it wasn't real. Saya was outside and his worry spiked along with a woman's two blocks away.

“What the hell are you doing outside?” He almost yelled.

And then he froze in the doorway. Saya wasn't talking to Bones or Dash or even Sulu.

She was with with Sarek, Amanda, Pike, Uruha and Spock. They all were at his residence. His sanctuary. This place was one of the most harshly guarded residence in the entire city.

He closed his eyes and tried not to feel the lurching feeling of being pulled out of a wreck. Dizziness clouded him before he shook it off.

Quickly, he checked to see if the forcefields were up and guarding the balcony. Next he made sure all the sensors were working and was just about to go to his PADD when Saya said, “I engaged all the sensors and monitors. I also told Linden Corp and Fisher and Co about their security issues and making them aware about how sensitive they are not only to their own well-being but that snipers could easily get to the top windows and roofs.”

Jim narrowed his eyes on her, ignoring the others for now, “Linden and Fisher?”

Saya pointed straight ahead and several heads moved to take in the building across the street. “There and there,” she moved to the right, “are perfect points for snipers and attacks upon this building. The angles are the only ones in which I've calculated to have an impact upon our home. I calculate seventy-nine point three percent accuracy from across the street and an eighty-one point one accuracy from Fisher and Co.”

He opened his mouth only to be cut off, “I also contacted all buildings adjacent us down to the calculations of zero point one percent of availability and success in targeting us from any known weapon.” She gave him a very hard expression but he could see the slightly glimmer of smugness in her.

He just shook his head and waved his hand at the patient guests. She looked over at them from across the table that Jim could see was full of tea, coffee, juice and snacks. They had walked right by him and Vix meditating, dammit.

Vix didn't even warn him.

“I invited them. They are my guests. I assumed you make that deduction.” Now she could not hide her amusement and he narrowed his eyes at her holding in his anger. He felt jumpy, too full of energy and everything was grating at him. He did not need witnesses to this.

“Saya,” he said quietly.

Immediately, she backed down and slumped, although not as much as usual. She lowered her eyes and he sighed.

“Why do we have guests that I'm not aware of?”

He tensed when she flickered her eyes over to Sarek and down again. Sarek moved to speak but he raised his hand, staring at his daughter. She looked up at him and then said very quickly, “I wish to have Vulcan bonds.”

Suddenly, his own sense of shock knocked out all his other emotions. For the first time in twleve hours he felt finally like him. It slowly etched around the sides and at his back but for the moment he was utterly clear.

“Why? What? To who?”

He looked over at them and then shook his head.

“Oh no. No.” It came out sharp and Saya flinched barely before Sarek stood and faced him.

Immediately, Jim tensed and and let his muscles go loose.

“James you have done a remarkable job raising Saya.” He froze at that and Saya looked up at both of them. “However, you have raised her as a human child.”

“I taught her Vulcan.” Jim cut him off, “I taught her to meditate, how to build shields. I've even taught her as much Vulcan lessons as I could-”

“Yes," Sarek replied evenly, “You taught her as much as you could. However, you must know that Vulcans are not meant to be alone.” He flinched as memories surged up and he ground his teeth together in frustration. He looked between the formidable yet calm Vulcan in front of him to his little girl not looking at him.

He turned away from them and sighed.

“You do realize they just lost half their bonds.” He said harshly as he turned to look at her. She nodded once more without looking up. “You'll feel it all. Even if they are distant and you don't ever get to know them, you'll feel it. When one of them dies you'll feel it. You'll never be alone.”

She looked up at him then, looking much older than just seven years old. Once more he heard Bones in his head and guilt piled onto him. He pushed her, sure, but she needed to be able to survive without him.

“Sa-mekh, I am alone. I do not wish for it.”

Her voice was steady, calm, a statement of facts. And it made him flinch.

Sarek sat back down, once more arrogantly calm. It grated at him. Not moving any closer from where he leaned against the balcony glass railing and forcefield he asked, “How many times did you meld with my daughter?”

Sarek didn't look away although Jim could now feel that he wanted to.

“Five times as of today. I have been helping her establish more secure shields and walls in order to maintain a more organized and efficient way of cataloguing information and storing it in proper form. She has done remarkably well.” He nodded. His daughter was brilliant.

“So you want to keep doing this then?”

Sarek nodded and replied, “It would be logical, I did teach my own son these lessons and am aware of the differences in human and Vulcan minds.” Jim glanced at Spock who had yet to look away from him and quickly glanced away when his chest tightened.

Walking forward, he knelt so that he was level with Saya. “Hey,” he said quietly, she looked at him for real now.

Saya wasn't meek, she wasn't shy or introverted and no matter what Surak's teachings said, she'd still be herself. That part she got from him and he was lucky for her. He reached up and let his knuckles slide across her soft temple.

“Are you sure?”

He trusted her. After Bones, he trusted this little girl most. She was his family, the only family he ever truly had and he loved her. If she thought tying her mind to these people was best for her...well he didn't have to like it.

She looked up at Sarek and he saw the glimpse of light in her eyes.

He sighed even before she replied, “I understand your concerns.” She did, she could read his mind as easily as he could read her emotions. “I understand that it may come with pain and uncertainty. I understand many will not like me purely because I am human and the rest will not like me because my human connection is to you,” he winced, “However, when I melded with Spock...” He looked up then at Spock and Spock finally, _finally_ , looked away.

“...When I sensed another Vulcan mind it was different....like....like I belonged.”

Jim felt weight on his chest because he knew she was telling him the truth. He could feel every little emotion in her and the strongest, the most powerful was longing.

He nodded.

“Okay.” He said and moved to sit in a chair.

Pike gave him a look and said, “That's it?”

He shrugged and replied, “You ever have an argument with a Vulcan? Doesn't go smoothly. Besides, if she needs it, she needs it.” He really didn't like it. Saya jumped up and then jumped onto his lap and hugged him almost too tightly. He hugged her back and eyed his 'guests'.

“Do you have to bond to anyone here?” He couldn't hide his disdain and now Amanda sat forward. He pushed back into his chair to get away from her and her reaching emotions. She saw it and, hurt, she backed away before she could talk.

Saya moved away slightly, glared at him, back to normal she said, “I will establish a link with anyone I deem to be worthy of it. And I have seen Sarek's mind. I like him.”

He raised a brow at her and said, “Well...you are an odd one.”

Jim left before he could witness his daughter reaching out to Sarek.

They came into the living room a few moments later and he asked, “So why are you here?”

Spock answered, “We were headed for breakfast with Captain Pike when Saya commed my father.”

“And you all decided to come?”

Pike shrugged and said, “We took advantage of the opportunity to see you when you aren't in command of anything.” He didn't reply, only crossed his arms to keep his hands from going for his phasers strapped to his waist.

“How do you feel?” Jim asked his daughter.

She was quieter and she nodded replying, “I am well. I need to meditate but tomorrow I wish to visit the Embassy.” It wasn't a request and Jim wouldn't fight it, he nodded and she calmly walked to her room.

That's when Vix came out of the kitchen with the most chocolate extreme sundae he'd seen yet. Sucking on a chocolate whip cream covered spoon, the Romulan stilled and then casually leaned against the wall. 

"Anyone want a milkshake?" 

Jim's smiled, actually feeling his own amusement over everyone's confusion and fear. 

"It's not even ten in the morning." 

Like usual, Z'Anvix replied with his usual banter, "I thought you liked me like this?" The Romulan grinned, winked at Jim and then said to the others, "Name's Vix. Romulan. Hired Eye-candy." 

Grinning now, Jim shook his head and eyed the Romulan who was shirtless and still wrinkled from a few hours of 'training' last night. 

The door opened and Bones came back from his shift, scowling as usual and he stopped when he saw who else was there. Behind him Dash and Sulu were walking in, discussing something on a PADD. 

Dash stopped as well, frozen and everyone gasped as they took in his appearance. 

"Sav, we found something," The teen, half human, half T'ay'yn kept his red eyes on the humans and Vulcans and handed Jim his PADD. 

He didn't feel adrenaline or stress as he viewed the information, a flicker of worry worked through him as he thought of Saya. Looking up he knew he'd have to make hard decisions. Ones he really hated. 

Could he trust them? No. Did he have a choice? No. 

Dammit. 

"Sarek," Jim ground his teeth not liking this but managed to get out, "Could you look after Saya for me for a few days?" 

Everyone straightened and Pike asked, "What's going on?"

Before Jim could reply, Pike said, "We need to know Jim." 

Dash eyed him and Sulu slowly took his hand off his hidden sword as he realized Jim wasn't going to attack anyone.

"I need my team and that includes Bones. We'll be gone for a few days but we will keep in contact. This is Dash, as you can tell he's T'ay'yn and he's our tactical officer." Dash nodded and said, "No worries, I haven't ever eaten humans, don't have to taste for it."

Jim ingnored the comment but knew it was a concern since his T'ya'yn side was known to have human entrées as a delicacy. Being born on one of the harsher militarized planets had it's upsides. 

"Sulu here is-" 

"Wait. Sulu? As in Hikaru Sulu? Wanted assassin of Telvina Five?" 

Sulu crossed his arms and said, "I killed the Chancellor's son but I did not kill him. And I didn't get paid for it either." 

Still sounding disgruntled over the misinformation and the story in which barely anyone knew, he kept a firm eye on everyone. 

"You agreed that there would be immunity to any crew in which I need to battle T'Varka. These men are my crew." Jim said.

Pike's eyes widened and he blinked saying, "You have a Romulan, a T'ay'yn hybrid and an infamous assassin?" 

"I'm an amazing pilot. No one ever brings that up," Said Sulu as he flopped onto the couch. 

"He is an amazing pilot," Jim said in his defence and then said, "So, Sarek..."

Sarek raised a brow at him and nodded, "I will care for Saya while you are away." 

He clenched his jaw and could feel Dash's eyes on him, Vix (now frowning and looking down at his empty bowl) finally seemed interested to know where they were going and got the PADD from him, reading the information. 

He didn't want to leave her with them. 

Amanda was the one who stepped forward and quietly she said, "I promise I won't let anything happen to her, Jim." 

The amount of emotion she brought up in him was overwhelming.

He nodded stiffly. 

"Oh," he said calmly, "I'm going to need to borrow your Orion, if you don't mind." 

* * *

 

Three hours later, Jim was sitting in the co-pilot chair as Sulu hit the thruster. 

"We're twelve hours out, Sir," Sulu called.

Dash brought up the schematics and scowled at Vix who cracked open a chocolate bar.

"I thought we agreed you'd stick to one form of chocolate a day?"

"I agreed I'd stick within my limits. Besides, no one likes sober me." 

Dash looked over at him and Jim smiled, turning he said, "True. But still, tipsy's nice, drunk isn't. You fall, I'm leaving you." 

Vix glared at him, took a piece and then put the rest away. 

"Got an incoming message," Bones called out from the back. 

"Go ahead," Jim called. 

On the screen the Orion Queen appeared and she smiled at them. 

"It's good to see you again Saval." 

Jim smiled at her and said, "We're less than a day away, anything you need us to pick up?" 

She didn't reply instead she asked, "Are you sure this will work?" 

Jim leaned back into his chair and thought about all the angles.

Maybe.

Star Fleet was sharp and next week he'd be training with the Star-Fleet-MACCO soldiers to get them ready for the impossible. He'd be on demand then, working close up with both the captains and the best recruits they have. 

If they found out what he was doing, knowing that he was already on a very thin piece of rope...well he could hope for a quick death. 

Hopefully, no one would crack. Hopefully Radak didn't catch up to him. Hopefully Spock would stay out of his way. 

With a smile he replied, "Oh, I'm sure." 

She grinned back to him. 


	28. Losing It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry! This was sooooooo hard to write! other than that I have no excuse and just ask for forgiveness.

It was tentative.

A slow, soft brushing of fingers that left his skin heated and tingling. They caressed carefully, exploring and gently, exquisitely torturing him with pleasure. The pads of those fingers made their way over his back and carefully up his spine.

He stopped himself from jumping when he felt the surprisingly soft lips follow the talented fingers. He couldn't stop the hum that tore from his throat as his body betrayed him by arching into the touch.

Those beautiful lips smiled against his skin but did not cease in making their way up his back. His hands clenched into his pillow, his body responding swiftly and powerful as a nip of teeth caught the spot just in the middle of his shoulder blades. A puff of breath came out and his whole body tensed in anticipation. Need surged up from his core.

His hand reached behind him connecting with a thigh and he brought the body closer to him until they were both flush against one another. Those lips chose a new a body part to torture and he tilted his head to let them devour his neck.

Groaning a harsh, raspy sound he pushed himself closer against the hard chest. A textured, muscled leg moved to wedge between his. Firm hands enclosed around him, attached to beautiful, strong arms that secured him tightly and safely in a crushing embrace.

He felt every emotion, desire, want, possession, pride and wonder.

He gasped as stubble scrapped against the side of his sensitive neck, slowly and knowingly, smiling throughout it.

It was painful. Beautifully painful. Wonderful.

He arched once more, pressing his ass carefully and insistently against the very core of him. Satisfied, he could not stop himself from smiling as he felt the rush of breath against his skin, he heard the carefully wrenched out gasp that he created.

If his love wished to torture he could play just as well.

His hand tightened on his thigh, moving slowly to cup his cheek and press him impossibly close. That beautiful hand moved to run down his chest, no longer gentle, no longer teasing, he was sure and impatient.

The kisses against his neck became urgent, a soft tongue tasting his skin before teeth sunk into his flesh, leaving a mark against his skin. Their bodies moved just slightly, enough for a nudge of a glide of the hard and hot cock just between his cheeks, silently screaming for them to move on from this delicious game.

That hand moved below his abs rubbing into his pubic hair before suddenly and perfectly enclosing onto his own hard penis.

He shifted laying backwards into his body, giving him more access to caress and torture as well as getting the full feel of his lover's body against his back. He groaned, head falling back into a shoulder. He moved his own hand to dig into the soft, thick locks and tightened, digging into the scalp, bringing that magnificent face to his own and kissing him deeply, urgently, passionately until they had to lurch away from one another to breathe.

He had no wish to move but a deep, primal part of him wanted to turn, wanted to devour, take control and take this man apart one gasp and moan at a time.

Heart racing, the hand tight and fast perfectly pumping, he had no way to catch his breath as intense, dark blue eyes locked onto his and he gasped out.

“Jim.”

Jim gasped as well feeling his spike of need, “Spock.”

* * *

 

Spock bolted up, panting, his body shaking he felt hands against his skin. His whole body was still burning he then realized he was hard.

“Spock?”

Snapping his head over he saw Nyota shift now blinking tiredly at him. Shame and guilt flooded him cooling his body mostly but not all. He looked away before saying, “I merely dreamed something unpleasant. Please go back to sleep. I need to meditate.”

He didn't dare touch her but instead, carefully getting up and hiding his front from her, left the room. Logically he could not control such dreams and therefore should not feel so guilty.

A part of him, however, knew enough to whisper from the corner of his mind. He was awake now. And like all things concerning James, he could not push it away.

He could not push down his longing, his need to feel those hands on him for real.

The dark cracks in his walls were fumbling and he recalled being inside James, feeling his body clench around him, feeling their powerful and alluring bond fully form once again. His breath hitched before he collapsed to the ground, closed his eyes and immediately summoned a meditative state without even lighting incense or concentrating at all.

* * *

 

“Fuck!” Jim turned over and shook his head.

Breathing hard he shivered.

He needed his ky'nak and reached for the bedside table before remembering Bones had taken it to 'reduce your temptation to cheat'. Panting, he really hated his best friend right then and feeling for the first time in ages; desire.

Actual, physical, real desire and hot aching need. It was an emotion that truly hadn't happened in years and shocked him greatly, he hurriedly and quickly shoved his hand down his pyjama pants and rapidly started pumping himself. He gasped, not feeling anything but his own emotion, his own climbing pleasure, he let his head fall into his pillow and his body tensed as his orgasm hit him expectantly and powerfully.

Gasping harshly catching his breath he felt his entire body finally relax, his limbs liquid.

Fuck, that was _amazing_.

Fuck, Jim finally started to get his brain back on track and then he saw those eyes looking at him.

Spock had been needful, practically begging for it. But he had been surprised too.

Fuck.

Shrugging off what just took place he gathered himself and got up to take a shower.

* * *

 

Walking down the hall he got a few stares but mostly the staff avoided him.

It didn't take long to locate the room and Jim leaned against the doorway taking a sip of his coffee, going unnoticed by the occupants. He watched as Pike groaned, for once actually showing the pain that his body was feeling.

He still had a few weeks of therapy but Jim could see the shakiness was still there most likely due to the stress and harsh work Pike was putting on his body. He knew that it'd be more than the three months estimate that the doctors just told Pike. Too much stress, too much running around had re-damaged a lot of his nerves.  

Honestly the man had no patience for himself.

Smiling, Jim crossed his arms and waited. It took less than two minutes before Pike caught him standing there and stilled.

His nurse froze and he couldn't help but wink at her. It made her pale noticably.

Pike made his way, painfully, to his chair and told his nurse to excuse them.

Jim casually made his way into the gym and fingered the walking bars.

“How it going, old man?”

Pike merely gave him a look before saying, “What's happened? And if you make it a riddle I will get out of this chair and kick your little ass, boy.”

He couldn't help but laugh at that. He didn't know why but of all the Captains he just saw that day and tried teaching, he really only liked Pike.

“I'm here because I am so bored with all the those Fleet brats. Honestly, I don't know how you stand them. We had a lunch break and I decided I'm not doing this without one person that I could exchange frustrated glances with. So...”

Pike tensed as Jim neared and then jumped when Jim swiftly applied a hypo.

“What the fuck was that?” Pike almost yelled.

Jim couldn't help but roll his eyes and turn around.

He took a gulp of his drink and called over his shoulder, “Come on, we don't have all day.” He swung around and walking backwards said, “You're welcome, by the way.”

Jim once more turned and was out of the room by the time a shocked and confused Captain joined him, standing on his own and without any pain.

“What the hell was in that injection?”

Jim stepped into the lift, followed by Pike as his nurse yelled at them from down the hall.

He ignored her and looked over at Chris.

“I'd tell you but I'd have to kill you, so....” He replied with a grin, shrugging, amused.

* * *

 

“I'm not working alongside this criminal!”

Jim sighed, letting his head fall back, the crowd once more started to argue.

Quickly, he took hold of his phaser and levelled it at the man's head. Everyone froze and just before he pulled the trigger ending the headache inducing complaints, Spock called out, “Stop! Jim, stop.”

He looked over at Spock who stood over his own opponent.

Spock. The man was going to be the death of them.

What was it about Spock that still managed to get under his skin even after all this time? Shaking the memories away, Jim looked over at the captain who stared fearfully back to him. Defiantly, as well.

“You're welcome to leave at any time. You do not need to be here, you do not need to fight. And if you complain about me one more time I am going to put a hole through your head. Do I make myself clear, Captain?”

Everyone looked on in fear and the man gave him a short, almost non-existing nod. The man swallowed as Jim slowly put down his phaser. He really didn't want to.

Looking across the training room, Captains, Star Fleet Officers and MACCO agents all stared back at him from where they were learning more hand to hand combat. More on tactics used by Varians in battle.

“Any of you can leave at any time,” he called out loudly, “but know this isn't going to be anything like you've faced before. I'm going to push you to your limits and then take supreme pleasure in watching you all break. After that, the real work begins.”

The doors to the training area opened and Bones came in, dressed for training and carrying a medkit. When Saya saw him, she ran up to him holding a PADD in front of her. “I got in. And Madame said I'm one of three that could take the principal role.” She shoved the PADD in his face before hugging him.

They'd been here a month now and Jim read the acceptance letter for Saya to play lead in a performance. He raised his brow and she, looking up at him and seeing his expression, released him. He was proud but not surprised. His daughter would biologically be better than the little human girls that she competed against. The fact that Madame Clarene even said there were others being assessed was most like only for show and to make the other parents less angry.

“Of course.” Jim said and Saya went back to grinning and then moved immediately to Spock.

She didn't hug him but said, “Look, I got in.” Spock knelt and spoke quietly making Saya smile though Jim could see her trying to hide it. Another thing that was becoming different about her. He shook his head at the sight and then turned back to the group.

“Alright, I guess you're my first volunteer.” Jim said as he grinned over at the arrogant man. He knew exactly how to break his pride.

“You want to spar against me?”

Jim laughed and Saya turned to look at them as he replied, “Oh no, no. Not a single one of you are on my level. Tell you what, you beat my daughter and I'll let you face me.”

Everyone turned to look at Saya who suddenly looked very Vulcan-like as she steeled her expression into nothingness.

The Captain that had been giving him crap all day suddenly balked, “You can't be serious. She's a kid.” Jim straightened, his eyes narrowed and carefully he said, “My daughter is fourth generation Varian on her mother's side. Second on mine. If you can't fight a seven year old and win, you have no place here.”

It took some time as people uneasily gathered and the Captain finally picked up a bow staff and faced his daughter.

Bones stood by his side and nugged him, “You know this isn't fair,” he said quietly.

Jim nodded. But it was one way to teach them a lesson.

“You need to start believing in this Jim, otherwise, what are we doing here?” Jim frowned and glanced over at his brother, saying, “I came here for her. That's what we agreed on.”

I came here for you, he wanted to say but didn't.

Bones looked over at him knowingly anyway. He looked grateful, sad... but grateful.

“Yet, you still think this is the losing side. You view all of Terra as some weak children already obliterated. You need to lead them without destroying them. This isn't T'Varka and they'd trust you a lot more if you just back down some times. Besides, I unlike everyone here, know there's some softness left in you. You wouldn't be here if there wasn't.”

Jim nodded looking over at his best friend, understanding where he was coming from, yet he knew he wouldn't be able to. It just wasn't him. He didn't know how to back down any more. 

The man attacked swiftly, yet there was some hold-back that he'd regret.

“Saya,” he called out, “go for it.”

She glanced at him, easily blocking the second move and nodded. She reacted just as she was trained and immediately starting rapidly raining down blows upon the older man and then struck him first in the legs, knocking him down and then across the face making him land harshly upon his side. Just as quickly she had the staff upon his throat and just stopped short of striking him with a killing blow. Every movement was precise, graceful and swift, perfect control and strength. 

Jim smiled as she stood straight and let her staff off her opponent.

He looked around at the shocked adults and said, “Saya, how many footsteps is it from here to the entrance of the building?”

She replied calmly, routinely used to to the questions, “Fourteen hundred and eighty-six steps unless you take the lifts in which it is only eight hundred twenty-two steps.”

“And if I wanted to target this building, how would I go about it?”

She tilted her head going through multiple scenarios and said thoughtfully, “Depending on how much life you wish to endanger and I will presume you wish for as much as possible I would first hack into the sensor arrays and then bypass the environment controls so that I could access the ducts. I would place seven trays of Vatta root so that when I opened the air controls they would disperse throughout the building infecting everyone inside in less than ninety-seven seconds. It is odourless, tasteless and incurable. Death would occur in less than twelve minutes thereby giving time for people to pass outside the building and infect the general population as well.

“However, your question was to target the building itself. I would go about it the same way and instead of the Vatta I would use compact Cardassian Zyka bombs and the entire building and everyone inside would perish almost insistently.”

She blinked up at him and he nodded, once more feeling proud to call this little girl his.

“Security codes for the labs?”

“They are changed and controlled by four Doctors in the building and one Admiral. Would you like me to tell you their names, routines and when best to capture them or what leverage to use against them?”

He was so proud of her.

Everyone else looked shocked and he said, “Alright, who's next?”

The rest of the day the Officers faced off against Saya and it turned out more successful then Jim had intended. Though she did accidentally break a few bones, not used to reining in her full strength, he did find out the true fighting tactics of his new allies.

They needed a few pointers but by the end of the day he corrected foot work, techniques and told them how they should recognize when to brace and when to push back, he found he actually enjoyed himself. He hadn't truly trained anyone in five years and it was nice to once again do it and not have to whip anyone as well.

As Jim put on his jacket, Saya came up to him saying, “Sa-mehk, may I spend the night with Sarek?”

Jim frowned, Saya was wanting to spend more and more time with Spock and his family recently, he didn't like that idea. She already looked disappointed however as she saw his expression. He sighed and she brightened.

Spock, Nyota and oddly enough Pavel Chekhov came up to him.

He eyed the teen as he said, “I 'ave come up with sevral important core modifica'ions that you might like to consider.”

Jim took the PADD leading the way out and looked up when an older man joined them. “You came up with this by yourself?”

Shit, this kid was an actual, real genius. Even brighter than him. And he was taught by Vulcans.

“With my help, Sir, not Sir, General? How would you like to be called?” Jim looked up at the Scottish accent. He didn't know the name only that the man had a good left hook. But horrid grappling abilities.

“Scotty.” The man said, reading him, “Montgomery Scott. I think with those calculations I could actually beam people during warp. It's bloody hell incredible. Of course I haven't tested it yet but considering you are the go to around here I though you should see it.”

Jim couldn't stop himself from smiling. Montgomery Scott. He wouldn't forget the name now.

“You're the Chief Engineering?” The man looked taken back and smiled, “Uh, no. No. But I am a senior officer.” He took it the man had done a no-no in the past. Scotty looked down and Jim grinned.

“You will be soon.”

Saya ran in front of him be-lining for the daycare to see her 'friend' and his attention went to her immediately.

They were going down the stairs when he saw them and shouted to his daughter.

Before he could think, before he could even adjust, he had already taken out his phaser and fired.

Everyone stilled.

Saya looked back at him and he heard a scream.

Those around him, once easy going and close now backed up, everyone but Spock who instead stepped forward almost closer to him. His mother looked up at him her hands coated in red, Sammy was wide-eyed staring up at him and Frank.

Frank was coughing, his own eyes now flooded with fear.

Jim...

...Jim laughed.

He laughed until it started to hurt and gasping, as Bones ran to help Frank, he called out to Spock, “I...I...” cut off by another chuckle he started again, “I actually had no plan to...to do that. Oh my god,” he wiped a tear out of his eye and said more calmly, “that was incredible. I have amazing reflexes.”

Pike and other Captains then caught up and saw the scene in front of them.

Jim tucked away his phaser as he held up his hands.

“Really, truly did not mean for that to happen. However, in light of this I think it's best if we leave the other Kirk's out of this. Yeah? Family reunions are not really my thing.”

Pike asked if Frank was going to be okay and Bones nodded already doing something spectacular with a hand held something. Jim recognized it from when it was used on him.

Frank would be fine, a transfusion maybe but fine.

“That man is a expert on our security, Frank Nolan has been working for Star Fleet longer than you've been born. We're not giving him up for anyone and not now. Winnona Kirk is the Captain of the USS Fitzgerald; she'll be in every meeting from now on in and George Kirk was just made a Lieutenant Commander, who by the way has been serving on the Enterprise for the past year. Leading is in your blood I get that but you don't call the shots here and you're going to have to get over whatever it is between you.”

Jim tilted his head and eyed Pike, the determination in his eyes, the sincerity.

Jim shrugged walking over to him.

Calmly, he passed the PADD over to Pike and said, “Put all of this brilliance in the Enterprise and every ship that you have,” he pointed to Scotty and Pavel and continued, “you need any help in understanding what's there, those two are you're go to. And Pike,”

Jim eyed him seriously knowing that a hundred eyes were on them, “I get a week. I see them anywhere near me or my daughter, I'll personally deliver their heads to you along with their accomplishments.”

If only the Commander had told him to do it, Jim thought as he passed his 'family'.

He held out his hand to Saya and she silently took it, noticeably ignoring them too.

* * *

 

Three weeks passed roughly pleasantly if entirely busy.

Manufacturing throughout Terra was on a fast track. What used to take years was now taking merely months as people everywhere raced to weaponize the Fleet to an extreme that Spock barely recognized the blueprints of some ships. More and more top secret science devices were coming out or in the process of getting permission to be built. Their technology was speeding up with the help of the open exhcnage between the Federation, the Vulcans still living on Terra had all mostly signed up to help build the new projects. 

Spock, himself, learned a lot from James' courses, and he had to agree that they were unprepared. Jim created holo rooms with the help of Doctor Scott and created very real images of a Star Fleet ship in the middle of a battle, they were unprecedented and so techniquely correct Spock found no fault in their design.

James programed the opposition with the unpredictable tactics of the Varians and only one managed to survive the onslaught; Captain Pike and only with half the ship still intact. There was barely enough thrust power to get back to Terra. Many other Captains were having the lower ranks trained as well and now there were three constant rotations in the program throughout the day.

More often than not now he was paired with 'Vix' the Romulan who kept flirting with Jim every chance he had, in hand-to-hand combat. They did seem close but Jim appeared to be close with his entire crew.

Sulu was as legendary as one expected. He was dangerously quick and tended to disarm you before you knew it. Only Spock's Vulcan reflexes kept him on par with him.

Dash, while seemingly nice and entirely curious, was dangerous when paired up with someone. He was ruthless and barely felt the strikes against him, his skin tougher than even Vulcan blows. He did seem to get along with Checkov though and two would talk in Russian on their breaks.

Gaila was oddly enough, friendly with the crew. Having gone with them for several days on a mission in which none were told, she was welcome among their crew. From his view, Jim was more lenient with her though his eyes narrowed when Gaila and Nyota conversed or sparred with each other being familiar with each other. 

Vix was to Spock's knowledge completely dependant on chocolate. It was a drug to their species and while he seemed to be in control when working, Spock did note the timed breaks where he indulged himself.

Once more he found himself on the mat with Vix breathing harshly above him.

“Jim,” the call out made everyone near look over and Jim looked up from the multiple PADDs in front of him, Captain Pike and General Marcus and the General's daughter Carol Marcus. They were seated at the new desk off to the side of training area.

“I think he's ready.”

Jim's brows went up and he glanced over at him, looking back at Vix Jim asked, “You sure?”

Standing up, Vix's arm rotated and snapped loudly back into place.

He grunted and nodded, “Yeah, you're up.”

Jim nodded and stood.

Everyone backed away and stopped practising. The entire crowd, now including even more people since Jim wanted every field agent trained 'somewhat adequately', were all panting and sweating, ready to lay down wherever they could. Many Vulcans had joined also, surviving military who continued to fly back and forth between the new colony and Terra. They had caught on quickly and were the only members that Jim paid more than a passing moment of attention to.

His bias was very much noted among his fellow humans. 

Spock noticed multiple bruises once more forming on Nyota's arms and knew there were more on other parts not seen.

“Ready?” Jim asked as he took off the majority of his weapons and walked over to face opposite him. Spock was going to mention his superior strength but knowing Jim's training far exceeded his, he refrained and merely nodded.

Right as Jim was about to attack sirens went off.

Marcus stood, his comm to his ear and shouted, “Everyone to Ship Bay! Betazed is under attack!”

Spock glanced at Jim who now looked sharp, focused and swiftly grabbed his gear that Vix threw him. Running, buckling it up, Spock managed to keep step with the crowd following them and the Captains.

“Is my ship on the Enterprise already?” Jim asked Pike.

Pike nodded and said, “Yeah, I want comms open and keep constant links to us.”

Pike ended it with a hard look at Jim and surprisingly Jim didn't fight the order instead saying, “Pass it through with Uruha. She's the best at decoding our lingo.”

Pike nodded and said, “Spock, follow.”

They all quickly and efficiently got onto their shuttles. Everything went as practised and before they knew it they were in maximum warp now at a MACCO ten and on the two hour trip to battle.

It passed surprisingly fast, the lurch of dropping out of warp snapped Spock to attention as did the immediate hits the ship took. 

Through the view screen ships were everywhere.

Small fighters combined with medium-sized star ships flew in disorderly patterns and phasers were already going off in every direction. Spock felt a moment of fear as the ship rocked under the fierce assault. 

His fingers flew over the controls and he noted the launch bay opening and closing, Jim was taking his smaller ship out there with his crew. Another spike of fear shot through him before he pushed it down and focused. 

Dodging and swerving around broken pieces of their fellow star ships they did put up a harsh fight. Torpedoes struck the Varians and three of their larger ships were destroyed thanks in part to Carol Marcus' fast thinking. 

The Enterpirse's shields, however, were not going to hold long under the multitude of the attack. The moment they destroyed a ship four more took it's place. 

Betazed from what they could see was shot through with explosions. Half the planet was an angry red and black and those few that were escaping were perishing through targeted attacks against the rescue ships. 

Pike shot to his feet yelling out orders to the crew. 

They had lost three floors, four senior officers including Doctor Alexander and the Chief of Engineering.

Thirty-two others were deceased and seven unaccounted. 

The only reason they were still in the fight less than a half hour after they arrived was half because of Mr. Scott who was doing everything he could and Spock could say much of it almost impossible to keep the ship from burning out. The other half was purely because of Jim who was literally using his ship as a battering ram. 

Surprising them and making Spock lurch to his feet in fear, they had watched as Jim and Sulu piloted their ship directly into the enemy, a move in which would have killed anyone else, however the ship seemed to either have wildly impervious shields or was more likely modified somehow. 

Jim caused many ships around them to have craters and while that did not kill off the enemy in most cases did leave them thankfully vulnerable.  

And that Spock realized Jim had not lied about. 

Spock had never clutched his control station so tightly nor thought of his own mortality as he watched the death of millions. 

They could not save Betazed, he knew this logically within the few short minutes of battle as they realized they couldn't even get close but he had humanly held on to hope but not more than an hour later, as the lights flickered and Pike yelled for power to their environmental controls that Pike realized this as well and he glanced at Spock with a crushing gaze. 

Sulu was still out there, bravely twirling that almost invisible craft through remains of their Fleet and that of T'varka's. 

They were one of twenty-seven still fighting but the others were as damaged as them, if not more so and not so brave. Some of their Fleet had already retreated trying to save as many lives as possible. 

T'Varka was doing no such thing and like Jim said, some of them were becoming suicidal and destroying both themselves as well as the ship they intentionally rammed through. 

Spock had never seen such utter destruction. It made what happened to Vulcan look small in comparison. 

"There," Pike pointed and Lieutenant Garrow looked up from the pilot seat to see the pods of the last remaining Betazoids of the planet Betazed were launching and were becoming swarmed almost immediately. 

"We get them then follow the others and get the hell out of here!" 

Jim, hearing them through the open comms, sped up to blast a path from them. Being almost completely spent and now almost entirely alone on this side of the planet, they became reliant on Jim, Sulu and the crew's insane tactics. 

Uhrua opened up the link with the bridge so that Pike could order them what to do. 

Jim and Sulu were currently joking about something and Vix was laughing in the background. 

Pike clenched his jaw before he spoke, furiously calm, "I need you to cover us as we rescue the Betazoid's. The planet is unsalvageable and we need to pull out-"

Pike gasped as the ship was lurched from an attack from behind. 

Spock fell forward, saving himself by grasping onto his console. 

"Fuck! Shields?" 

"Sixteen percent Sir. We can't take another attack. We lost Deck three through five." 

Combined with decks seven, nine and ten that would include almost half the ship was now gone and more than twenty percent of the remaining ship was damaged. 

"Seal off the breaches and I want another count on who's here." 

Spock nodded and saw it done before Pike stopped talking. 

Uhrua made everyone check in and she said, "We lost seventy-eight people, Sir. Forty-three injured and seventeen critical." 

Jim's craft grew frantic as it took on more cloaked ships. 

They darted around the each other, quicker than Spock could follow and instead he concentrated all of his energy in making sure the Ship's shields were up, that he coordinated with Marcus and made sure that the remaining torpedoes were ready to launch and made sure that the environmental controls were still adequate for the well-being of the crew.  

He could not stop himself, however, from growing distracted as he heard a gasp. 

Turning, looking out into the view screen he saw a great explosion engulf a multitude of ships and leaving the way clear for them to the Betazoids.

Standing, he looked frantically for any sign of Jim's ship. 

His heart started to pound and he could not concentrate on anything else as Mr. Garrow piloted a path around the debris and allowed the shuttles to dock in their bay. 

He felt numb. 

Death surrounded them, all around pieces of crafts littered the orbit of the now blackened, lifeless planet. They did not even know if it had been a biological attack like Vulcan or explosions. Only that it had been so severe the atmosphere was now a mix of grey over the old oceans and black over the land. It looked nothing like it did merely hours ago. 

And Jim. 

Jim had protected them, throughout the entire ordeal he and his crew, savage and lethal, they had without hesitancy took phaser shot for them, blocked them from going through worse than what they had. 

The red lights came on then and Pike ordered them to quickly get out of there.

He glanced at Spock but Spock did not know how to respond. 

Uhura was about to get up when the bridge door opened. 

Spock felt breath swoop out of him as Jim, with a cut forehead and a burnt coat, walked into the bridge. 

"Well, we got a hundred and twelve Betazoid's now abroad. I'd say this all went terrible since I lost my first baby but I have to admit, I'm surprised you're all alive. Although, had Sulu been driving this amazing ship you wouldn't have taken half the shots you did." 

He looked over at Garrow and shrugged at the insult, looking calm and collected, not as if they had all gone through a huge battle. 

Spock walked over to him and Jim froze and slowly, slowly he started to smile and said, "Oh, yeah, we tested out Scotty's theory. It works. I'd say, over all a total success." 

Mentally exhausted from the telepathic waves that had been going out for the past hour, the stress of losing half the ship, several other ships and hundreds dead, Spock pulled Jim into a hug and for the first time in weeks held tightly to his old friend. 

Jim tensed but slowly he hugged back, lightly at first but then he slumped and allowed himself to lean into Spock before clapping him back and they separated. 

Jim smiled for the first time in a long time it looked genuine. 

"I'm glad you're all alive too. I'd have no where to beam to if you weren't." 

Spock shook his head, feeling light-headed as Uhura spoke up, "Sir, incoming from Terra." 

Pike and everyone else now looked over, not ready for any more bad news. 

"There's been an attack." 

Everyone closed their eyes and Spock tensed as he thought of his family. 

Uhura turned her gaze to him and he tensed. 

"It's on the Embassy," she said quietly and then surprisingly passed it to him.

Spock quickly stepped over and took the comm, his eyes gazing out the dark view screen. Some ships were beside them, others though he could see ahead, all of them in retreat. All of them broken and smouldering. 

"Spock," It was his mother now on the screen and he closed his eyes in relief. 

She seemed like she was holding back crying though as she continued, "They came for us, two Vulcans. They killed our guards. Your father...Sarek he...he's in critical condition here at the hospital. He fought protecting me and Saya. I tried, I tried so hard to protect her but I was stabbed and... Saya...they got Saya."

She broke out in a sob and Spock found himself in shock once again. 

Saya. 

He had never heard his mother truly cry and he stilled. 

He tried not to, but he couldn't help glance quickly over to Jim and he must have given it away because he saw the change in him. 

"Saya?" 

It wasn't a question and Jim took a moment to look over him, reading him before silently and determinedly walked out. 

Pike glanced at him, face white, and said, "Go with him before he kills our own." 

Spock nodded and quickly followed. 

Saya. 

He had to get her back. Not just for Jim.

He had tucked her into bed, read her stories, meditated with her and shared Vulcan poetry and melds with her. He was considering her to be family to him. 

Heart tight, emotions flaring, he cleared his mind and grabbed his phaser setting it to kill. 

 

 

 


	29. Trade Off

Spock realized the true ingenuity of Jim's crew when Nyota passed along the connection from Sulu and Vix.

Apparently, twenty minutes ago when they had just retreated, they had taken it upon themselves to use Mr. Scott's code to transport themselves onto an enemy ship and had commandeered it to help Jim feel better, as he had lost his first 'baby'.

Vix was yelling through the comm and Spock winced at the sudden noise.

“What happened? Where the fuck is Saya? I can't feel her! Sav, Saval, can you feel her? Is she okay?”

Jim's jaw clenched as the door to the shuttle bay opened, though not without sparking dangerously.

“She's alive but I think they have a collar on her,” Jim said sharply and Spock inhaled sharply, trying to hold onto his own fury. He could feel Saya's mind, hazy and distant but it was still there, almost as if she were asleep or meditating.

A telepathic restraint collar would explain the off-balanced feeling he was getting.

They were racing down the stairs when Gaila and Dash caught them.

“Hey!”

Spock glanced back to see Lenard McCoy and Carol Marcus chasing after an obviously injured Dash. The four of them caught up, Gaila in first and shoving a PADD at Jim. “Here, take a look.”

Out of breath, Dash leaned against the railing as Doctor McCoy started cursing and threatening the young man while running a small contraption across his body. Blood was still flowing from a cut in his head.

Spock tuned them out and looked over Jim's shoulder only to tense. This was the security camera from the Embassy. Mother had been right, there were two Vulcans and they blended in perfectly, knowing the way straight into his family's quarters in the west wing. They attacked quickly and Spock winced as he saw a metal ball being thrown into the room. When his father fell to his knees, Spock concluded it was a telepathic assault.

Like he knew, his father had stood up and fought against it and against the attackers.

Jim glanced at him, for the first time seeing Sarek fight. He had practised suus mahna from the age of seven, having mastered it and several others more than a decade ago and he kept up the routine while his mother practised her yoga in the mornings.

Saya was there a moment later and she surprised them by flinging the men backwards using telekinesis. His father had taken a beating and though he had a few broken bones, he did not seem that injured.

That is, until the the man stepped into the room.

Jim tensed notably and Spock edged closer to him, watching as the man in the hood threw a dagger intended for Saya, Amanda who had been trying to get Saya into the other room moved to block it; the dagger striking her in the back.

Moving swifter than even a Vulcan, the man quickly had Sarek pushed back until, together with the two other Vulcans, they had sliced him enough times to get him to fall. The man then plunged his sword into Sarek's neck.

Saya was trying to attack now but combined with trying to protect the others while ignoring the very painful weapon, the man only fought a few moments before he had her subdued, looking alarmingly invincible.

At the last minute, he looked into the camera and Spock managed to get a look at sharp cheekbones, dark hair and a very human-looking male.

Jim swallowed and nodded to himself.

Gaila looked grim and had taken several blows in Engineering.

“Do you think he took her back?”

Jim looked up at her and they exchanged a very powerful look. Spock frowned but Jim just leaned back on the railing.

Looking at all of them, he said, “You don't have to follow.” Dash nodded though he looked angrily at Jim for even saying it, still absentmindedly trying to slap McCoy away.

“She's our family too,” McCoy said glaring at him. Jim nodded and turned to look at him. Spock raised a brow at him and Jim raised his hands. “Okay, I won't tell you to stay.”

Suddenly, without warning, Jim turned and threw the PADD down. It shattered on impact and Spock felt a moment of relief.

“If I'm wrong,” Jim started, once again leading the way to where Vix would be soon docking, “we'll lose her for good.”

“So the real question is; how bad does he want Saya verses you?”

Jim was clenching and unclenching his hands as they stopped suddenly.

Out of breath and red, Geroge Kirk appeared in front of them as Vix docked.

“Let me help.”

Jim ignored George until George grabbed his arm and Spock moved forward ready to protect him. The older brother looked from Jim back to Spock and scolded.

“She's my niece too. I can help.”

The smile of Jim's face was feral but it lessened after a moment. “You want to join, join. But if you fall behind, if you get injured, no one here is saving you.” With that, Jim lead the way and finally entered the new ship.

It was damaged, though not as heavily as their's, lights flickered and a hull breech was sealed on the bottom floor. Romulan in design, it surprised Spock and he took very little time finding his own spot at a console.

Carefully, he wiped the green blood from the controls and turned to look at Jim as George found his seat in the back.

“Okay....”

Without being told, Sulu and Dash started it up, apparently as familiar with different ships as Spock himself was. As they sped away from the Enterprise and the other Federation ships, Spock felt his chest tighten.

His father's bond was flickering in his mind, weak but still present. At any time he could lose him.

They hadn't yet truly talked.

Spock hadn't told him he was starting to forgive him. He was only now starting to see a future where he could comm them and speak with them calmly. They had bonded over Saya. Most of their conversations now were about her.

“Okay...” Jim said again and nodded looking determined but entirely unsure.

“Make a course for Le'ahr and go in hot. The moment they get us on any scanner we're done for.”

McCoy looked up from where he was lasering a deep gash on Vix's chest, having moved on from Dash.

“That's the Neutral Zone.”

Jim nodded, sitting heavily in the Captain's chair.

“I could be completely wrong. But I also know the way he thinks. If he is baiting me, if that is it, if it's even _him_ , he'll bring her there.” Spock wanted to ask questions.

How did Jim know their next move?

Who was He?

What significance did the small planet Le'ahr have to him?

However, by the look and feel of Jim, Spock chose to remain silent.

Instead, the crew remained tense, only speaking when they had to change course or when a cargo ship was in the scans.

It took four hours. Spock spent half that time imagining how he was going to kill those who threatened his family. It was illogical, going against the very ideals of Surak who had fought for nonviolence amongst his race. But it was something deeper than his logic, deeper than Surak's teachings.

He wanted blood.

The remaining amount of time he used to curve those emotions and to focus on the still fading bonds of his parents and Saya's.

“We're going in hot,” Dash said as he and Sulu increased the speed of the ship. Those were the first words spoken in the last forty-five minutes. They were here, Spock thought, snapping his head up to see the grey and blue planet getting closer.

Before they even got close to the atmosphere, Spock had scans going of the planet and had to bypass several security forcefields. They were plenty and complex. Spock barely managed to break the last one just before they were fired upon. 

George and Vix handled the defence and quickly were launching torpedoes and phaser shots upon the eleven....no...sixteen ships now launching out of their docking stations and coming straight for them. 

Spock calculated the odds of them surviving the next half hour and getting onto the planet at six point zero-two percent. 

He clutched his station as they were rocked by a harsh blast to the lower deck. 

"Sealed," Gaila yelled over Jim's orders of manoeuvres. 

Sulu, he came to the conclusion, was indeed a great pilot as he flew quickly below the advancing ships and twirled around them. 

Spock, however, did not put in his calculations of the ship. This ship, which was Romulan in design but completely Varian elsewhere. 

Jim looked alert but unworried as he ordered, "Dash, hit the red." 

Dash looked up and surprised replied, "We can take them. I-"

"We don't have time." 

Dash looked to him and then to Vix and Spock noticed the small nod. 

Taking a deep breath, he tried to prepare himself for whatever Jim planned. However, no amount of planning could have prepared him for James launching out their secondary core behind them, something he only knew from his console going red in alert. 

Before he could say anything, Dash aimed a phaser right at it and the blast sent them rocketing forward, while completely incinerating their enemy. 

Spock sat back, surprised at the quick action. Looking at Jim, however, he knew that was not the first time Jim had used that technique. How many Star Fleet ships had he destroyed that way? 

Jim turned to glance back at him, a slight frown on his face and Spock carefully sealed his emotions as he checked his console. 

"More ships are advancing from the Southern Hemisphere, Sir." 

Jim nodded and said, "Doesn't matter, we'll be landing before they can hit us. Raise every cloaking code we have."

Indeed, they were landing within fifteen minutes and Jim knew the exact coordinates in which to put in. 

They were in the Northern Hemisphere, a mountainous region. Cloaked, they managed to land, fairly safe. 

"I need you, Sulu and Gaila to stay on ship and make sure you're ready to either leave us or save us when we get back, all right?" 

Neither Doctor McCoy, Sulu or Gaila looked impressed but after only a second of angry and worried looks, they all nodded. 

"Spock, Sam, I need you two to go East, you'll see the building right away. There are four entrances, the one you're targeting is in the cliff face, about one hundred feet up. there will be about five to seven guards since they'll be on alert right now. Dash, Vix you two are going to take the roof. There are small fighters in a bunker about two hundred feet that way." James pointed south and both men nodded. 

Before Jim could give them any more instruction, they both left. 

Jim nodded to everyone, hugged Bones and was walking out before Spock could catch him. 

Once outside Spock felt the blast of cold immediately, snow covered most of the ground, only the rocky boulders and sharp sides of the mountains brought any colour to the landscape. Even the sky here was grey. 

Catching up to Jim, he shrugged off his hand and said, "Spock, I can't right now. I need you to get in there and get her out."

"You have not told us anything on the layout, nor, where you'll be-" 

"We're keeping comms open, we'll be fine. The layout is a maze and even if I did know it, it would take hours to memorize and that's only for you and Vix. The rest of us would need weeks. Take a hallway at a time and kill everyone in the way."

With that, Jim walked away but for the first time, he looked back. 

George touched his shoulder, hazel eyes worried and said, "We have to go. Vix and dash are already up in the air." 

Indeed, Spock could hear them through his ear piece and he nodded. Getting to the cliff was easy, once they passed a ridge the mountain appeared directly in front of them. There was no missing the fortress, which seemed to be carved directly out of the grey rock almost completely on top of the mountain. 

"Right," George said sounding overwhelmed, "How good are you this?" 

He took out the backpack Jim had given him. It appeared to be a survival kit, including rations and a medkit. But overwhelmingly, it held phasers, bombs and knives. In the bottom was the device George was indicating and Spock almost sighed with relief. 

"I am familiar with the hiking notch. Here." 

Spock quickly got the ropes ready and tied the retractor to them. Disappointedly, there only seemed to be one so Spock tried his best to remember his own childhood in which he had climbed in the Forge. Sometimes on Jim's request to show him a good view on their PADD's. 

"Woah, isn't this supposed to not include free style climbing?" 

Spock nodded, feeling the wind hit his back and make his bare fingers sting. 

"However, there is only one, I will have to climb first, and I will make sure that the device is secure enough for it to lift your weight." 

Before George could protest more and waste valuable time, Spock set his hands into the first crevice and pulled himself up. The going was much too slow for Spock's liking, but finding a suitable ledge for his hands and feet proved difficult to say the least.

Ice covered much of the rock and the wind got stronger the higher he went. Mouth clenched to stop his teeth from chattering, he blocked out much of his pain thankful for his Vulcan control.

Slowly, he started a mantra of reach, pull and step. Reach, pull and step.

He ignored the cold, the fact that is he fell he would certainly die at this height, he ignored the pain stabbing through his hands and shooting up into his arms. 

He reached up and almost flinched as his fingers met snow. Then he slumped against the wall as he saw the cliff, reaching up, it took a massive amount of strength to pull himself onto the edge. 

For a moment, he could not move. taking deep breaths, his body shaking, he set in the square box and hit the button. The rope attached to George tightened and then he heard a distance voice on the wind. 

It took merely moments before he saw George's arm rub harshly against the edge. "Ouch! Fuck, you could warn a guy, you know." 

Spock ignored him and faced the door in the cliff. It was metal, small and solid looking. 

Quickly reaching into the backpack, Spock grabbed another phaser and he took out the small bomb. Placing it near where, hopefully, the handle was on the other side, he pressed the device and both men moved as it blew the door. 

Guards were on the other side and they fired, using their surprise to their advantage. 

Picking up more charges from them, he noticed most were human. 

Looking over at George, he threw him an armoured vest and said, "Put it on. Jim, we're in." He said and heard back, "Good, I'm on the first floor and going to the second. Dash?" 

"Top level, just found stairs. Oh, guys...convenient. Just found a map."

"Yeah, on a dead man's body," Vix cut in. 

"Hey, still counts. Anyway, there are eight floors and looks like that entryway is on the fourth. Uh..there are labs on the fifth floor...holding? Holding on the sixth." 

Spock nodded but it was Jim who replied, "Let's get there."

Spock and George made their way carefully down the hall. The emergency lights kicked in as the main one's went out. George halted, his vision needing to adjust but Spock edged forward, just in time to see the Vulcan coming for them. 

Jolting backwards, he managed to avoid the phaser shot and ducked around the corner. Too late, he realized he left the other man in full view. 

He raised his phaser as he turned back and saw George fall just as he pulled the trigger and hit the Vulcan in the head. He shot four more times, just in case and then ran to the human. 

George was gasping when he crouched down and said, "You have to go. Remember, you can't stop because of me." 

Spock shook his head and said, "It is not that extensive. The armour took most of the damage. You most likely are only suffering form a collapsed lung and fractures." 

"Great." George wheezed. 

Spock helped him up and together they made their way through two more hallways. As they got more toward, what Spock estimated was, the centre of the building, more guards appeared. 

Spock had to leave George twice, though he never went too far ahead. He managed to kill most of his opponents before they could fire back, however, a few were Vulcan and Romulan and managed to evade his shots. He attacked with the sword Sulu had lent him and while he was not as practised as the pilot, he did manage to take down two last Vulcans before bringing Sam to the stairs to the labs.

He was panting by now, tired from not only the climb but the fighting and carrying most of George's weight for the past half hour. He had been shot in the shoulder and a deep gash was on his leg from the previous fight. 

Dash and Vix had been through here, recently, Spock concluded as he stepped over many dead bodies. 

George stumbled just as they entered the labs. 

Both froze as they saw the stand-off before them. 

Jim was holding the unconscious Saya, sitting on a biobed with a phaser to his head. 

Vix and Dash held their own phasers at the Vulcan. 

The Vulcan. The male he had seen in a holo, in his mind. 

The same Vulcan that had reached for his bondmate and took from him everything that he had held dear. 

James. 

His life. 

Their life. 

It didn't take long for the Vulcan to catch a glimpse of them and Spock could see the lightening in his gaze. 

"I finally get to look on the other half. It's a pleasure to finally meet you, Spock."

Spock stepped forward, letting go of George and he said quietly, "What is your purpose bringing Saya here? If wished her to join T'Varka you would have taken her immediately there."

The Vulcan nodded and said, "True. However, she played her part." 

He glanced to Jim to see him staring back at him. Spock could not read the expression on his face, but those blue eyes held many emotions. 

Suddenly, the Vulcan lowered his phaser and spoke in Varian. 

Then, as Vix took the shot, he beamed out. 

Stunned, they stood frozen but Jim was quicker and bolted out of the room. 

"They're blasting it! Run!" 

Following, Spock lifted George up onto his shoulder and ran after them. 

Right, left, down one set of stairs and then out into a great hall. 

Jim was in the lead but instead of going straight, he turned sharply into a side room. 

"This way!" 

Spock leapt into the room as he felt the floor begin to give. 

Once again he thought of Vulcan, of the shaking of his own planet. 

But then Jim threw his own disk and crouched over Saya. 

The wall blew just as Spock heard the groaning of the building. 

A large explosion set off a stream and the roaring became so loud, Spock could not focus on anything else. 

He felt hands on him, felt himself falling through the air and for a moment he felt calm. 

He felt peaceful right before everything went dark. 

* * *

 

Spock awoke to beeping and warmth to his side. 

His first awareness came from his bonds. 

His father was bright once more, strong and he felt his unshielded relief. 

Opening his eyes, Spock saw his father sitting next to his bed. 

A cut still graced his face, showing just how severe it had been that he was not healed by now. 

Spock almost moved towards but looked down and saw Saya, sleeping half on, half beside him. 

Sarek's lips twitched as he said, "She refused to leave your side until you woke." 

He slowly let his hand caress her hair, feeling the soft, silky texture sooth his now warm hands. 

He could feel her too. 

Focusing on his bonds, he felt his father tense, and he knew why. 

Bolting up, he accidently woke Saya up. 

He turned sharply to Sarek, to see the heartbreaking worry, stress and concern. 

"Your mother was poisoned. She is holding on..." Spock felt it all, could hear it in his father's tone. A tone in which he never knew he would understand. There was a heaviness, it was an impossible situation; one neither was prepared for, and mixed in...understanding. 

If Spock wished to see her, he filled in for himself, he should do so now. 

 

 


End file.
